Die Young
by diamondisis
Summary: Ted Sanders and girlfriend Brooke Shy find themselves back together four years after the movie. When they tie the knot Ted thinks that Brooke is purposefully trying to sabotage their wedding, but it turns out that something far more serious is going on.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Brooke

"It basically starts out as no big deal, at least for now, I don't think it's a big deal. My newlywed husband Teddy (I suppose he goes by Ted now that we are out of college and hasn't been Teddy since he was 21) Sanders and I are on our honeymoon at an Americanized resort in Mexico, kind of lame to go to Mexico and not have the authentic experience of actually being in Mexico, but hell Ted and I are kind of shallow that way, hell we've always been shallow, I mean we were prom king and queen in high school after all and pretty much the Alphas in our Sororities/Fraternities.

Despite all the drama we've gone through in college, me sleeping with Ted's best buddy Pete, (Which I'm definitely not proud of) Ted getting a series of new girlfriends, Ted was down on his knees proposing to me. It was kind of pathetic now that I think about it, okay really pathetic we'd hardly seen each other in four years, We were both doing our own modeling gigs on opposite sides of town. Then one night after a couple of beers I assume, Ted called me up and said he really wanted to see me. He was drunk, I knew this wasn't for real. I usually don't get nervous around other people, especially not Ted, but we hadn't seen each other in literally ages, so yeah I was nervous about him dropping by at my house, or I'm sorry not dropping by at my house, he actually expected me to drop everything I was doing and drive to the bar and come see him and give him a ride home, since he was so drunk he couldn't even walk straight./p 

"Sure" I had said, not knowing what else to say. It turned out that Ted had, had a terrible breakup with a girl named Victoria. He was hunched over crying and I imediatly knew that it was bad. I placed my hand on his shoulder. Beer bottles and upside down shot glasses and a shattered martini glass sat in front of him. "I'm so sorry for your loss" I said rubbing his back, "Girls can be such bitches can't they? Not that boys are much better" Ted stared up at me in a drunk stupor, "Hey" I said, "You're really drunk, let me take you over to my house we can talk about it there"

"I'm never speaking to her again" He slurred.

"Hey gimme your phone" I had said, "Victoria's number, let me delete it"

"Fine by me" He slurred, I scroll down and do not see the name Victoria, but I do find the name Vychtouriyah,/p

""This must be her" I said "Is that seriously how the girl spells her name?"

"Yeah" Ted said, "Really is" He slurred. "Wow" I said, "What is she from Narnia or something?" "She's from Russia. She's a Russian model in fact" Ted slurred. "C'mon" I said lifting his arm over my shoulder. "Let's go

As soon as we got home, guess what Ted went right for. Guess! That's right, he went straight to the liquor cabinent,

"I don't think so" I said, only to realize that I was pretty thirsty for a tequila on the rocks myself. Ted and I talked, kissed and had sex just like old times, only it didn't seem real since he was drunk and I was starting to get a little bit tipsy. Then out of nowhere came the proposal. A very drunk Ted kneeled down on the couch, with the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen

"Brooke will you marry me?" He asked. I then started crying, and I don't mean in that sappy way girls on movies cry when they are proposed to because they are so touched. I cried because I knew it wasn't for real and because I knew I was his rebound from fucking Vychtouriyah the Russian model. I didn't even give him a yes or no answer. I just ran off to the bathroom and sobbed like a little school girl. A couple days later, he proposed to me for real and I started crying once again (And yes I do mean the sappy TV kind of crying) and I actually said yes.

So now Ted and I are on our honeymoon in Mexico America. We are playing ping pong in the recreational room in the basement of the Hilton. We haven't even started playing, when I suddenly without any warning, slip and slide under the ping pong table.

"Brooke what happened?" Ted asks me, "Are you all right?" I am able to pick myself up "What happened?" Ted asks a second time, and it really annoys me because I am just as confused about it as he is.

"Clumsy moment" I lie.

"You okay?" He asks me again.

p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 6.0px 27.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;""Yeah" I say, "So should we keep score or no?"

"All right let's play, 1-40" "Great" I say. I suddenly realize that my hand feels kind of limp, tingly and also kind of inflated like a balloon. I look down at my hand, despite everything it looks normal, as in it has not ballooned three sizes larger, it does however look kind of dead. I try to grasp onto my ping pong racket, but my hands somehow won't cooperate with my brain. I am unable to grasp a hold of the ping pong racket. Chills run down my spine when I realize this isn't the first time something like this has happened to me. At our wedding it happened. I had a great deal of difficulty slipping my ring off of my finger and on to Ted's ring finger. I became so frustrated, I was reduced to tears. Not wanting anyone to see me cry at my wedding, I escaped to the little girls room. People would have probably figured out that my tears were not the happy kind of tears that are shown in the movies, but the frustrated kind of tears, they would probably all make the assumption that I was having some terrible second thoughts about getting married. I sobbed in the bathroom for what felt like hours, when I suddenly heard the door open.

"Brooke?" My maid of honor and best friend Whitney asked. "Ted sent me to come check on you. Are you all right sweetie?" I came out the stall with red eyes and puffy cheeks, "What's the matter girl?" Whitney asked.

"It's nothing" I lied, "My nail polish is just chipping and it looks really terrible" It was a really stupid lie especially considering the fact that I had only then realized that my sparkly white nail polish was starting to chip off and truth be told it didn't look that horrible"

"You're having second thoughts about your wedding aren't you?" Whitney asks handing me a tissue. "That's okay, it happens to a lot of us, It even happened to me, but then I found out that getting married was like the best thing that could have ever happened to me." I couldn't tell her what was really going on. I didn't want anyone not even my BFF worrying about me on my wedding day. Maybe it was just nerves, maybe that was why I was having so much trouble with the ring. But it couldn't have been that, I didn't feel nervous about anything. I came to my wedding feeling very confident, maybe even a little bit too confident. If I didn't have nerves then, I definitely have to say being unable to apply the ring did it for me. I was nervous all right but not in the same way a person is supposed to be nervous on the day of their wedding. Instead of being worried about married life and all that shit, I was worried that maybe there was something seriously wrong with me. Maybe I was dying.

"I slip out of my reverie for a short while. My entire body is racked with fear. My swank tight black dress suddenly feels a little too tight, like I am suffocating. To make matters worse it also feels like someone has thrown a bunch of itching powder or maybe a colony of red ants in it. Beads of sweat fall down my four head. The ping pong racket slips from my limp useless hand and falls to the floor. /span/p

"What's wrong Brooke? Brooke what's wrong?" Ted asks me.

I shake my head" "Nothing's wrong" I lie, "We're on our honeymoon, I'm having a great time, I'm happy" As I say this I realize that my veins have become solid ice.

""You're shaking" Ted observes. "You okay?" 

"Yeah I'm fine" I lie again. "You know what? I'm getting a little bored with ping pong."

"Tired of Ping Pong?" He asks, "What are you talking about? We just started playing. What's wrong Brooke?" /span/p

"What's wrong Brooke, what's wrong? What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG? He's probably going to continue asking me that question until it starts to lose meaning, As a matter a fact I think it already has lost meaning.

"I'm just not into ping pong" I lie, "I mean it's just not fun when it's not beer pong"

"We could get some beer to play with" Ted suggests. "There's a bar just over there, you don't look so good" He says. Now it feels like my heart has stopped. My stomach feels like it has tied its self in knots. I feel like I'm literally going to throw up.

"Are you all right?" he asks me. "Not really, no" I admit

"What's wrong?" He asks for about the 50 billionth time that day

"I feel sick" I say and just leave it at that.

"Should we go back to the hotel room?" He asks. 

"Sure" I say "I'd like that" My legs feel as if they are made out of a combination of play-dough and jello. I once again fall. Ted lifts me up from the ground. My legs won't cooperate with my brain and I keep falling down.

"What's wrong?" He asks again, that has got to be a record. "Why do you keep falling? Are you okay?" My husband is really starting to sound like a broken record now with all his questioning. "Are you drunk?" He asks me. Truth of the matter is, I am not drunk, I haven't had anything to drink except a couple of cocktails at dinner and that was at 6:00, it is now 12:00.

"Yeah" I lie. "I'm very drunk."

"You are?" Ted asks, "No you're not, you had two cocktails, we both did." Tears start rolling down my cheeks. "Oh my god!" Ted says, like he knows exactly what is going on. "Somebody roofied your drink didn't they. Oh my god! Brooke!" He begins checking my pupils to check for signs of dilation. He then scoops me up in his arms and carries me back to the hotel room like how a person would carry a sack of potatoes. I have been roofied before, and this is nothing like it. Besides if I had my drink roofied, wouldn't it have taken affect right away? Those things are known to take affect at once. Besides, if someone was trying to date rape me, he would have taken off with me, he wouldn't have handed me back to my husband. I do however feel drunk, or at least buzzed, I guess the best way I can put it is that my brain is feeling foggy. When Ted carries me to our room, a strange wave of vertigo sweeps over me. It is a combination of the vertigo and just all the scared feelings in my stomach that causes me to vomit the Zarzuela I had ordered for dinner at the Spanish (Not Mexican, but Spanish restaurant) all over Ted's expensive new shoes, that his friend Scoonie had bought him as a wedding present and a little bit on my new slick black dress, from my friend Candy who I do modeling with, who is also my boss, but we get along really well, when we are not doing modeling stuff. Ted makes a face but shrugs it off. "You all right?" He asks me again. I have never heard Ted be more repetitive than he's being tonight. I burst into fresh tears.

"Damn it Ted" I sob, "I'm so sorry" "It's all right" He says, then strokes his fingers through my hair. "I'm sorry I had to ruin this for you. We're only one day into our honeymoon and already it's a disaster" "Hey don't worry about it" He says. "Things will be better tomorrow" He kisses me on the top of the head. We take the elevator up to the 2/spanspan style="font: 8.0px 'Times New Roman'; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"supnd/sup/spanspan style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;" floor of the building, the see through elevator to be more specific, it takes my vertigo up another notch causing me to vomit once again. The rest of the Seafood stew, the two cocktails and a couple of Andes mints make a second appearance on Ted's really nice tuxedo.

"You okay Mrs. Lady?" A Mexican boy, who appears to be no older than 6 asks. "Has she been drinking?" He asks Ted. I suppose he is not too young to understand the whole drunk thing. The man who I assume is his father gives him a slap on the back of his head "Dam nit El Burro. You know better than to go asking people questions like that" His father snaps. Seriously that's the kids name, translates to the donkey, which transfers to Jackass, which transfers to asshole which he kind of is. No wonder the kid acts out, but to be fair he wouldn't have any clue that I'm not drunk and that I really wish I was because then I'd actually be able to put a name behind what is happening to me. I shut my eyes because, looking through the elevator glass increases my vertigo a whole other notch, only to find that it has gone and made things even worse. I let out a single sob. "She's wasted all right" The father of El Burro says.

"Don't worry" Ted says, stroking my hair once again. "We're almost to the hotel room" I have no idea why, but that elevator ride felt like it took forever. I suddenly realize what a terrible migraine I have, or maybe it is that I just suddenly developed a migraine. Either way, Ted carrying me to our room and just the echoing sound of him running down the hall with his especially loud shoes screaming the words "Help" and "Ayudar" (Which is a particular ugly word in my mind) Is just making it even worse. "Don't worry" He says, "We'll get help" That's just about the last thing I want, I don't want to ruin our honeymoon and more importantly, I really don't want to find out what is wrong with me. No one answers

Ted's annoying screams, either everyone is asleep since it is probably now 2:00 in the morning, or maybe no one cares, or maybe no one else is staying on the floor of the Hilton. Probably everyone who has gone to Mexico has rented other more authentic Mexican resorts. Someone actually does open the door and tells Ted to shut the fuck up. He then sees me "Passed out drunk huh?" He asks. Is he ever wrong? I am neither drunk or passed out. "Just give her a cold shower and she'll wake up" He says.

"It's not what it looks like" Ted says. "I think she might be very sick" "Okay fine" The guy said. "She's sick, I'm sure it can wait till tomorrow, she probably just has a case of food poisoning or something, she'll be okay"

"What gives you the idea she has food poisoning?" Ted asks, "Exactly what did I say to lead you to believe that?" "Who cares" The guy says, "But obviously it's all over your tux, your shoes and her dress" If by food poisoning he means Botulism, then maybe he's right. One of the Beta girls suffered from a case of Botulism and pretty much all of us "Greeks" found out about it. I'm not sure what they did about her Botulism, as a matter a fact I'm not sure what ever happened to that girl, but I kind of wish I did, because if I really do have Botulism, it would be nice to know what's going to happen to me and if I'm going to be okay or not. Maybe I shouldn't have ordered that horrible seafood stew, maybe all the shellfish and the entire lobster weren't cooked all the way. I realize at once that, that is most definitely not the case. I have been having problems since our wedding a week ago, with the whole ring incident and what not. "Do you really think she has food poisoning?" Ted asks.

"Don't know" The guy says sounding more and more irritated by the second. "But can it please wait till tomorrow, my kids, wife and I have to get up early tomorrow morning, I promised them I'd show them the baby sea turtles. So please let me go to sleep and we'll discuss this tomorrow" "Fuck you!" Ted shouts giving him the middle finger. "Fuck everyone!" He shouts, more and more people open their doors, but Ted opens our door and slams it behind him, he then gently unzips my vomit stained black dress, and begins undressing me like I am 0 years old.

"You'll feel better tomorrow" He tells me and I hope as hell he's right.

"As it turns out I do not feel better, as a matter a fact I might feel worse. I don't remember falling asleep, if I did at all, and if I had I don't remember dreaming anything, but I suppose I must have fallen asleep, but I definitely feel much worse. I woke up with my right arm attached (glued as a matter a fact) to my side soldier style, I am unable to move it because it feels heavy and when I try to move it, it snaps back with some kind of weird magnetic force. To make things worse, that is the arm that is dominant. Chills rush down my spine as I make a clumsy attempt to sit up. From the corner of my eye I see that Ted is already up and dressed.

"No time to lay in bed all day" He says pulling off the covers. "We've got a big day ahead of us, we've got sight seeing, beach combing, snorkeling, making out in the waves" My stomach literally bounces. I am pretty much unable to do any of those things

"I don't think so" I say.

"What's wrong?" Ted asks, his favorite question once again. I almost tell him that I can't move my right arm, but my mouth feels like it's full of Adams brand natural peanut butter. I'm not sure if those two problems are related, or if I am just nervous as fuck. "Don't you feel well?" He asks "Don't you feel better from yesterday?" "I'm just tired" I lie. "Of course you are" Ted says, "You just woke up." He is unbelievably inconsiderate. "

"Can we just take it easy today?" I ask, I feel my voice break like I am going to start crying again. "We can do all that fun stuff tomorrow, I promise"

"All right" Ted says. He doesn't sound super enthusiastic, but I can't say I blame him one little bit. I'm sure hanging out in the hotel room all day is the last thing he wants to do on his honeymoon our honeymoon that is.

"I'm sorry this is such a horrible honeymoon" I say.

"It's okay Brooke" He says irritably, I can tell from the look on his face that he is fucking disappointed, that his dream honeymoon didn't turn out the way he wanted it to.

"You can do that stuff by yourself" I say.

"Damnit Brooke" He snaps throwing back his head, "This is a honeymoon, we're supposed to do stuff together, look if you want to stay in the hotel room all day then fine. We'll just stay in the hotel room all day and do nothing, just like everyone else does on their honeymoon" I can't believe Ted can be so inconsiderately insensitive

"Stop yelling at me." I cry "I'm really not feeling well" I say.

"I know, I'm sorry" Ted says. "Would you like to cut the Honeymoon a day short?" He asks. I am worried that next he will say something like, "Do you not want to be married to me?" Thankfully he doesn't. "How do you not feel well?" He asks me. This is my chance to explain, but I don't because the last thing I want is for this honeymoon to become a medical emergency. "I just don't" I say. "Do you want to order room service then?" He asks."Sure" I say apathetically. "Room service it is"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Ted

"As I watch my wife lie on our bed on her stomach, typing on her I pad, I can't help noticing that there is an eerie sadness about her. A sadness I have never seen in her. As a matter a fact a sadness I haven't seen in anyone, I can't explain it. She seems very listless as she scrolls down the computer screen, it appears that she is looking at TWOP, for some reason she really likes reading summaries about the 10th season of Grey's Anatomy, and for some reason it really offends her that Grey's Anatomy hasn't just ended already. She does all this with her left hand, and I wonder what the hell is wrong with her right hand. It hangs limply to her waste. She is real quiet. She doesn't even make a peep, she doesn't once say the word peep, but on the other hand why would she? She seems like she is hiding something. I however know all too well that she is not hiding anything. Ever since are wedding I've been able to pick up on signs of not okayness from her. I've been able to pick up on her not okaydar. It started with the rings. She had great difficulty slipping it on my finger, as a matter a fact she just had difficulty handling it in general, she dropped it several times and my 7 year old 2nd cousin twice removed the ring barer kept having to pick it up. I could tell he found that amusing, maybe even hilarious and I wanted to kick him in the balls for that. I'm sure it didn't occur to him how much she was struggling. But it definitely occurred to me It was like she had a severe case of butterfingers all of a sudden, and I do not mean the candy bar. When she was finally able to get a firm hold of the ring and slip it on my finger she seemed to have even more trouble, she couldn't even seem to figure out which finger was the ring finger. She then became so upset that she took off to the bathroom and cried. It ended up being my 2nd cousin twice removed who put the ring on my finger. It was so pathetic and lame, but hey at least I got a ring. During our dance together, she stumbled, fell and stepped on my feet a lot. I figured she was drunk or something, but that didn't seem to suffice anything. Brooke was a sorority girl for gods sake. Not saying that all sorority girls are drunk/ and or high all the time, every second of their lives, that is absolutely not the case, but they are big on partying just like us frat boys. They are as a matter a fact as big of drinker's as us Frat boys are of druggies. Brooke has gotten so used to drinking, that she's built up a tolerance for it. I've seen her drink a fish bowl of tequila, plus a number of shots, and a couple beers, and ended up being only a little bit tipsy. That night however, she only drank one cup of wine at dinner. There was an open bar and everything, but it wasn't supposed to open until midnight or something. But the way she was dancing and tripping over her dress and falling splat on her face a couple of times, that was just plain unusual, I could have sworn that she was drunk. Maybe she wasn't as tolerant to wine as she was to other alcohol. Or else maybe something else was going on. Something was very wrong. It was really sad watching her struggle so much. She continued tripping over her dress and just stepping on her shoes wrong after the dance as well, over night she had become a total klutz somehow. She had lost all of her coordination. And she had been so coordinated before at sports like ultimate frisbee, lacross and powderpuff football. I kept worrying that she might hurt herself really badly every time she fell down visions of broken bones danced around in my head like sugar plumbs (Sorry about sounding all gay and retarded) She also bumped into people a lot, so I worried she might hurt someone else as well. At one point she crashed right into Pete, and that was really awkward, seeing all the history between the three of us, we kind of had a triangle thing going on, like we were Edward, Bella and Jacob (Gay and retarded as well) /span/p

"Brooke you okay?" He asked, he then firmly grabbed her by the shoulders. I was relieved that that was as far as they went, but Pete's a good guy, he would know better than to try something with her at our wedding.

"Yeah I just had a little clumsy moment" She said sitting down next to Pete. She then laughed with her loud fake laugh like it was no big deal. I don't usually say things like this, but it really broke my heart, as I watched her laughter turn to tears. I sat down next to her, and I guess Pete took that as an excuse to leave and flirt with Brittany. I took off my jacket and wrapped it around her quivering body her black mascara was running down her cheeks, making her look like one of those weird goth chicks. "I'm so sorry Ted" She moaned. I hug her close to my body.

"Hey no worries I say" That was a complete lie, there were all kinds of worries. Brooke was just being so UnBrookelike on so many levels.

"Should we just go home?" She asked wiping the mascara from her cheeks. It looked even worse after she did that, making her look even more like a weird Goth teenager who liked to slit it's wrist on a daily basis. I kissed her on the top of the head.

"You sure you don't want to stay?" I couldn't have cared less about staying, and watching Whitney and Pete's speeches about us, and then having to hear from Brooke's parents or from her bitchy anal retentive stuck in the mud older sister Brandy or my mom and dad, and I especially do not want to stay for the slide show, but It really wouldn't be a wedding without the bride and groom.

"Don't worry" I said, "You just have to sit for the rest of this thing"

"I'm embarrassed god damnit" She said folding her arms across her chest. Her voice breaks again. "And I want to go home" I suddenly realized that I was starting to tear up as well.

"This isn't going to take that long" I lied, usually weddings take forever, Brandy was probably going to go on and on for a couple of hours with her drudgerous monotonus voice, as she tends to do. She had a job as a 5th grade teacher and boy did I feel sorry for those poor kids. Brandy is 3 years 6 months and one day older than Brooke and the two of them are as different as night and day. Brooke has beautiful honey blonde colored hair that is very wavy, Brandy's hair is blonde too, but it's more of a bland dishwater blonde and it is very streight. Brooke is very bubbly and was part of a sorority, Brandy was a very serious student who kept to her dorm room in college studying. While Brooke stayed up till 4 in the morning partying, Brandy stayed up till 4 in the morning with her nose in a text book. Anyway you get the picture, seeing the two of them together, it is shocking that they were raised under the same roof. "

Will Brandy Shy please come talk about the bride?" The priest asked. Brandy very blandly shuffled her feet over to the podium.

"First of all, I'd like to congratulate my baby sister Brookie Monster and her amazing high school sweetheart Teddy Bear" She says the whole thing rolling her eyes, I'm sure that was meant to be cute or something along those lines, or maybe even funny, but It's Brandy we're talking about. She's as dull as dirt except that would be an insult to dirt because it has far more personality, and Brookie Monster and Teddy Bear cute and funny? It's really not. The most she got for that piece of crap were a couple of polite giggles from the little kids in the audience, and a smirk of her own. "Tough crowd we're having today" She said with that annoying drawl. She's always kind of reminded me of a snail how slowly she talks, she once again rolled her eyes with that too cool for school attitude she's always been trying out. She rolled her eyes again, "As some of you might already know, I just got married myself a month ago to my beautiful girlfriend of six years, Tequila Sunrise, stand up for the crowd Tequila" A punkish looking girl with short spiky pink hair, a bunch of tattoo's, piercings and horn rimed glasses stood up in the crowd flipping both the middle fingers and wagging her tongue. Where the hell did Brandy find this girl? I wonder to myself, Brandy is so serious and conservative, she is practically like a puritan/pilgrim/quaker. "Of course Tequila Sunrise isn't her real name" Brandy says rolling her eyes again, "Her real name is Susan Anderson, she just calls herself Tequila to be cheeky, because Brandy and Tequila get it?" I swear, Brandy always sounds like she's on tranquilizers and not in the fun chilax sort of way. I swear Brandy is never on any kind of tranquilizers, she's like the most sober person I know, which is really ironic seeing that her name is Brandy. The poor audience appeared really bored. I pretty much spaced out the whole thing, a bunch of stories of how we first met blah blah blah, prom royalty blah blah blah, Stories that make her sound like she should get a big sister of the decade award, taught Brooke how to swim, ride a bike, ice skate etc. She then said something at the end that really jolted me out of my semi coma. "If their's anything I know about my little sis" She drawls on, "It's her tendencies towards passive aggression. We all saw her on the dance floor, the way she was tripping and stepping on Ted's feet, and not to mention the fact that she kept dropping the ring and had to have Ted's 2nd cousin twice removed figure it out and the fact that she took off to the bathroom crying during I do's. If you didn't recognize the signs then, hopefully you'll recognize them now. She doesn't want to marry you Theodor Sanders." She clicks her tongue. My brain suddenly goes all foggy. I did think that maybe that was a possibility, I did recognize those signs, but I decided to push them all to the back of my head. Tears form in my eyes. "I have to say baby sis. I'm really disappointed in you, If you didn't want to marry the guy then why did you say yes when he proposed to you Troll? And also Brooke, why didn't you make me the maid of honor? You were the maid of honor at my wedding as you very well remember. The least you could have done was make me a brides maid, but I take it your Sorority sisters are important than your actual biological blood sister, who grew up under the same roof as you. I have to say this is the worst wedding I've ever gone to, and now that I'm done with this speech, Tequila and I can get the hell out of here" "Fuck yeah!" Tequila shouts, once again giving us both the finger.

"Damn Brooke you okay?" Scoonie asked giving her a squeeze on the shoulder. He doesn't even bother asking me if I'm okay that fucking asshole, but I suppose It wasn't MY sister who ripped me apart, but doesn't it count that she is my sister in law? "She just ripped you the fuck apart" Brooke did not answer, she just started blinking several times in slow motion.

My Mom made the next speech, but I was so shook up from Brandy's speech that I was unable to pay attention. I stared over at Brooke, her cheeks appeared wet and very flushed, she looked just as shook up as I felt or maybe even more. I wasn't quite sure which of us deserved to be more shook up. We had to stay for the cutting of the wedding cake, because we were the bride and groom and everything and let's just say that I wish I hadn't. We sliced the cake and fed it to each other the corny way you're supposed to at a wedding, Brooke suddenly went pale and started coughing hysterically.

"Brooke are you okay?" Her friend Brittany called out from the audience. I realized shortly that she was choking on her wedding cake.

"Anybody know the heimlich manouver?" I asked. Way to make it all about her once again. I really couldn't say I felt sorry for her, even when her face was turning all red and purple and she is struggling with every breath she took. "I got her" Garf announced. He then rushed up to Brooke and gave her chest compressions. A piece of drenched wedding cake came flying out of her mouth. She began coughing uncontrollably.

"You okay girl?" Garf asked. She put her hand to her mouth, collapsed to the ground and began bawling once again. She was being a great example of how people become overly emotional wrecks at their weddings. I had no sympathy for her whatsoever.

"Should we just go?" I snapped. We didn't say a word to each other in the car. Neither of us said a word until we finally pulled up to the driveway. "Is it true?" I asked her. "Is what true?" She asked, her voice full of nervousness. "What Brandy said" I snapped, "Do you not want to be with me? Is that why you kept messing things up, is that why you kept falling down and stepping on my feet, is that why you kept dropping the ring? Is that why you choked on the wedding cake" She stared off at the distance. not looking at me, her face was dark but that was to be expected in the dark car. It was once again wet, she'd been crying obviously because she has been caught being a bitch. "Damn it Brooke" I snap, "Don't you have anything to say about this?" Anything at all. She continued staring at the distance, big fat tears ran down her cheeks and her mascara continued to run. Despite everything she's put me through, I really do think she's a beautiful cryer, if it wasn't for all the mascara. She then let's out a single sob.

"It's not like that Teddy" She said, she hasn't called me Teddy in years, as a matter a fact, nobody has, I stopped being Teddy as soon as I graduated college and started a new life. I ignored the whole Teddy thing. "Oh really?" I snapped,

"Then what's it like?" I asked throwing back my head in exasperation. 

"I'm just kind of clumsy" She said trying to laugh through her tears. /span/p

"God Damn it Brooke you are not!" I snapped, "You're good at ultimate frisbee, powderpuff football, gymnastics" Brooke burst into fresh tears. "Stop yelling at me" She cried. "Stop yelling nice things" I was not yelling at her for putting herself down or whatever she thought. I was plainly and simply yelling at her for ruining our god damn wedding, for making a fool out of herself and a bigger fool out of me possibly. "I'm not yelling nice things at you god damnit" I snapped, "And what was the deal with you throwing yourself at Pete?"

"I did not throw myself at Pete" Brooke sobbed "It was an honest mistake"

"Was it an honest mistake when you cried when I proposed to you?" /span/p

"You were drunk" Brooke sobbed bitterly. "You just broke up with Vychtouriyah, I was your fucking rebound"

"Is that how you see this?" I asked my voice had gone from angry to hurt. "But then what about when I proposed to you for real?" I asked.

"Those were happy tears" She said.

"Never mind that" I snapped, going back to angry in an instant "You said yes! You obviously didn't want to, but you fucking said yes! Why did you?" Brooke doesn't say anything "God damnit Brooke!" I snapped, I slammed the door and left her in the front seat bawling like an idiot. I decided that even though it was our first night officially together, I was already wanting to get as far away from her as humanly possible. I called the first person I think of and for some reason that person is Brandy, the person who was pretty much 2nd hand in ruining our wedding. The phone rang a couple of times and not Brandy but Taquilla answered.

Who might this be?" She asks, she has a huge speech impediment due to multiple tongue and mouth peircings, "It's Ted" I said. "Brandy" She called out, "Ted's on the phone" Brandy answered right away. "What's up?" She asked. "It's a disaster, it's all a fucking disaster, I don't even want to be in the same room as Brooke. Could I maybe crash at your place?" Brandy rolled her eyes, at least I'm assumed she did, seeing that is a very common Brandy activity. "I knew this was coming" She said in her cool was voice. "You're welcome to crash at our place any time. Stay as long as you'd like, we're renting the Super 8 Motel, but we have to leave in a couple of days, so 2 days would be the limit" "Don't worry" I said, "Hopefully it will just be for a couple of nights, I know the two of you have a life and everything" "Mi Casa es Zu Casa" She says with that same old drawl. "Hopefully not for long" I said, "Hopefully this will blow over" "See ya soon" Brandy drawls. I angrily stomped out to the car. My wife was still bawling like an idiot in the passenger's seat.

Get out!" I snapped. She doesn't budge. She just rocked back in fourth crying like a fucking idiot. "GET OUT OF THE CAR!" I snapped again "Get the fuck out you wedding ruining whore!" That only caused her to cry even harder, which I did not need at all. The car was echoing with her loud obnoxious tears. When she continued not to budge, I finally grabbed her by the frilly sleeve of her white wedding dress, and yanked her out of the car. I was angry, but I really hoped I didn't hurt her. I then got in the car and slammed the door. She once again tripped over her dress. I rolled down the window. "I don't feel sorry for you!" I snapped. I drove away and watched her continue bawling on our lawn.

Taquilla opened the door It is the first time I noticed how freakishly tall she is, she towered over Brandy who already towered over me. "Brandy your guest's here" She announced. Brandy woodenly came to the door, she was dressed in her pajama's and had a toothbrush in her mouth. God damnit I hate it when people brush their teeth in the living room, it's so fucking rude and not to mention gross. "You can have the guest bed" Brandy said, with her mouth full of toothpaste. She spat into a tiny basin she was carrying around. Ga-ross!

"I love my little sis" She said, "But we all have to admit, she can be a fucking bitch when she really wants to be."

"Yeah" I said. "I couldn't agree with you more. You girls got any Taquilla and Brandy?" I asked cheekily. "Heh!" Taquilla says tagging on the fake laugh.  
We get that question all the fucking time. No, we don't have any of that, I'm in alcoholics annonymus and Brandy here? She's just against it." I nodded. "You seem to be in a bad mood" She said, quite observant that Taquilla. "Maybe this will help you feel better" She said logging into Youtube. "Oh wow!" she squealed. "5 comments already on this thing I just posted. "What did you just post?" I asked leaning in closer to the computer. Taquilla presses play. The screen says the word, "Brooke Shy's best crying scenes at her wedding" Brooke Shy, she couldn't have bothered to refer to her as Brooke Sanders. Ouch. Major ouch. The song "Stop Crying Your Heart Out!" By Oasis blared in the background.'- I swear that's one of the most over used songs ever in a music video, at least 50 billion videos have that stupid song in them. Well now 50 billion and one. It was pretty inaccurate since a lot of the scenes in the video didn't involve her crying, just of her feeling down in the dumps or whatever. The saddest thing about the whole thing, was I didn't even care that Taquilla made that video that people online might actually look at. It served Brooke right. It served that bitchy traitor right. "Would you like to comment?" She asked. I really wanted to say something like "Fuck you Brooke" But for some reason I didn't have the nerve to post it. Instead I posted, "Where did you find all those clips?" Instead of writing a comment, she answered for me in person. "There's more" She said. She then typed in the name of another Youtube video. As it turned out, she got our whole entire wedding on tape, even the parts that I assumed she wasn't there for, since I had thought she and Brandy left after Brandy's speech. She went back and rewinds the part with Brooke choking on her wedding cake over and over.

"How did you get this?" I asked. "We were in the balcony the whole time" Taquilla said. My mouth dropped open and I was at a loss for words"

After staying a two and a half nights with Brandy and Taquilla, things smoothed themselves over eventually. It took a really long time, but thankfully we didn't book our honeymoon until a couple of weeks after the wedding. So now two weeks and a three days later, we are on our honey moon, and it is just as much of a disaster as our wedding, or maybe even more of a disaster. I am bored as fuck staring up at the ceiling tossing a blue ball in my hands. Brooke continues staring at the computer and looking very withdrawn and sad, maybe a cross between bummed and wistful would be the best way to describe it.

"Brooke could I ask you a question?" I ask. "Sure" She says sullenly. "Are we okay?" I ask. "We're fine" Brooke says, listlessly staring at the computer.  
"Why wouldn't we be?" She asks still sad as ever.

"Last night?" I say, "What was going on? Were you really feeling sick, or were you being passive aggressive like you were at the wedding? Is it that you don't want to be with me?" I don't know why I am hurt instead of angry this time, maybe it's because I got it all out of my system the day of the wedding. Brooke swallows hard. "I don't really want to talk about it" She says. The way she says everything with a great deal of sadness, kind of makes me wonder if maybe there really is something going on, something more then just marriage guilt. Maybe what happened last night, maybe something really was wrong with her.

"About what?" I ask. She stares off into the distance with that same sad expression. I wish I could pin point this sadness.

"Just it" She says, with that strange sadness. It is driving me crazy. "Do you want to go home?" I ask her."Should we just cut this trip short?"

"Yes" She says woodenly. I swear she sounds a lot like her sister Brandy, and that was something I never thought possible. Not even for a second. I drive a sad Brooke to the airport, she stares ahead of her with a very empty look in her eyes. Why is she so sad? I can't help wondering to myself. I wonder if maybe there is some connection to what happened yesterday. Maybe she really is sick. Maybe she has something terribly wrong with her. Or maybe it's me. Maybe now she's just starting to realize, that she's tied down to someone, maybe she's just sad that she's no longer free. Maybe this just isn't what she wanted for herself, maybe I should have taken her crying about my proposal as some kind of sign. Maybe all she has wrong with her is a severe case of nerves and that's it. We don't say a word to each other. What is there to say? I've already said everything I needed to say to her.

"When's your next flight to Los Angeles?" I ask, as soon as we get there. "Next flight is at 2:47" God damnit what an inconvenient time. It is only 10:00, I guess we're going to be spending 4 hours and 47 minutes of our honeymoon in the airport in Mexico. FUCK! Just fuck. I really want to strangle Brooke right now, her falling down spells are getting worse by the second, as are her inability to hold things, she drops her luggage at least 20 times. She is so vulnerable and way too vulnerable right now for me to do such a thing. And it's kind of hard for me to strangle someone who I'm kind of worried about.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Brooke

We say nothing to each other at the airport, not a single word. Ted listlessly flips through a people magazine. He is pissed, I can just tell, and why shouldn't he be, we were supposed to be on our honey moon for three days, and all we got out of it was one really crappy day, and one really boring day cut short. He does not get to do what he came here to do. We did not get to go sight seeing, or make out in the waves, or go snorkeling. I feel terrible for ruining honeymoon What had happened. I had been doing so well since our wedding. No falling spells or any of that jazz. I thought for sure it was just nerves, but who get's nervous on their honeymoon. Honeymoon's are meant for relaxing. Why couldn't I have just waited to have a bad case of nerves when we got home, the wedding went terribly, Ted had to stay a couple of nights with Brandy and Taquilla which sounds like he got drunk at the bar for two nights straight, but really he didn't get a drop of alcohol. When he got home, I knew he was still angry, apparently two nights didn't resolve anything. He angrily grabbed me by the arm. /span/p

"C'mon Brooke!" He snapped, "We're going to couple's therapy. Apparently he had made an appointment during the time he was spending with Brandy and Taquilla.

"What already?" I asked. It was pretty pathetic, we had only been a couple for two days and already we were about to go to couple's therapy. He grabbed me by the arm.

"C'mon let's go" He says. There was no talking in the car. It seemed like it took hours before we pulled up to a small building. I somehow managed to get out of the car and walk over to the building without having another "clumsy moment" and was glad I didn't because, Ted would have had no sympathy or time for that.

"Theodor and Brooke Sanders" The woman who I assumed must have been the therapist said sticking her head out . "My name is Evangeline" she said holding out her hand. She was I swear, one of the ugliest women I've ever seen, with her huge glasses, mousey brown pixie, her eyes too close together and her tiny button nose which is way too far away from her mouth which was hung open like she was some kind of a mouth breather, her teeth were crooked to make everything worse. She was wearing heavy perfume that made me want to either throw up or keel over. /span"Come on in you two" She said. "May I offer you two a cup of tea?"

"Sure" I said.

"What about you?" She asked my husband. 

"Coffee" He said

"Oh I'm sorry" She said, with her annoyingly soothing voice, the kind of voice that would be relaxing at a spa, but at a therapists office is just infuriating. "Let's try this again" Evangeline said condescendingly

"Are you kidding me?" He snaps, Evangeline clears his throat "What kind of tea do you want?" She asked again,

"CO'FEE!" He said sounding it out as if she was mentally retarded or something, which I kind of wondered if she might have been. She did kind of look it. "I don't do coffee," she said. Ted looked even more infuriated then he had when we came in.

"We have black tea" She said, "Fine!" Ted snaps. "Black tea it is"

"What kind of tea would you like?" She asked me

"Um, I'll have vanilla" I said. She then disappeared into the kitchen area of the building, and Ted and I were left alone in angry silence. She returned in what seems like hours. "Here you are" She said, handing us our tea.

"Black for Ted, and Vanilla Black for you" My hands suddenly go limp again, the way they had at the wedding when I kept dropping the ring. I dropped the scorching hot tea and it spilled all over my lap/p

"Oh my gosh are you all right?" Evangeline asks. She immediately handed me some tissues.

"Clumsy moment" I said giggling nervously. Ted face palmed and threw his head back in exasperation./p

"What are you feeling right now!" Evangeline asked Ted.

"Well obviously exasperated!" He snapped

"And why is that?" She asked. "Because!" Ted snapped, "I'm sick and tired of her using that for an excuse all the time.

"Clumsy Moment!" He said that part mockingly in my voice. I must have looked pretty offended because Evangeline said"I can really tell from the look on your face that you didn't like that, it hurt your feelings didn't it, how did it make you feel. Why don't you share some feeling words about it?" "Icky" I said. She raised one eyebrow at me. "And kind of offended." Evangeline took out a yellow pad of lined paper.

"I guess we're going to have a lot to talk about this session" She said, "How long have you two been married? I'm guessing at least two years" 

"Try two days" Ted snapped. "We're newly weds" Evangeline clicked her tongue, she sure was condescending.

"How can you two be having such problems already?" She asked. "Unless you had problems at your wedding"  
"That's exactly it!" Ted snapped. Evangeline took off her glasses.

"Tell me about your wedding!" She said, folding her arms across her lap.

"Okay gladly" Ted said. "As Julie Andrews said in that really gay musical of hers let's start at the very beginning" He cracked his knuckles. I hate it when he does that, but maybe that was somehow supposed to make up for that Sound of Music reference, since cracking one's knuckles seems like a very manly activity at least to me. "I guess I'll start with my proposal to her."

"What about it?" Evangeline asked.

"She cried" Ted said disgustedly. "I see" Evangeline says. "And I don't mean in a good way. She did not cry because she was happy or any of that shit. She didn't even give me a yes or no answer, she just plain cried.

"You were fucking drunk" I snapped, "And you just broke up with that other girl, Vic-Whore-ia or what ever her name is. I was your rebound, and you threw up you fucking threw up right after you proposed to me." I couldn't help repeating what I said after our wedding word for word."Vychtouryah" He snaps, "Her name was Vychtouryah you fucking bitch."/p

"Let's not get angry?" Evangeline said calmly. "Why not get angry, this is fucking marriage therapy, aren't you supposed to get angry at marriage therapy, isn't that kind of the whole point?" Evangeline just sat there with her hands on her lap. "It's not good to be so angry, it's good to talk it out rationally" She says. She then turned to me. 

"Brooke, why did you get his girlfriends name wrong when you knew very well that was not her name?"

"Because I fucking hate her!" I snapped crossing my arms tightly across my chest sticking out my bottom lip in a pouting motion. "I hate to say this Brooke, but calling her Vic-Whore-ia, sounded a little bitchy don't you think? And a little bit judgmental considering you never met the girl, she could very well be a virgin and not a whore at all, and she may also be a very nice girl." "She's not!" Ted interjected. "She's not a nice girl or a virgin."/p

"ANY WAY!" I said condescendingly. "I was Vychtourya's rebound. Her fucking rebound. As soon as he broke up with her, he was down on his knees proposing to me, It was probably the same ring he used to prepose to that fucking bitch. Of course I cried" I said. 

"Okay fine" Ted says tossing his arms up in the air angrily, "It was the same ring! Fine that was an assholish dick move on my part. I apologize" Evangeline nods woodenly.

"That does not sound like a real apology" Evangeline said. "You know very well that you should never apologize unless you really are sorry"/p

"Good to know!" Ted snapped. "Because I sure as Hell am not really sorry!" Evangeline sat there patiently. "But then I proposed to her about five weeks later, and god damnit I did buy a new ring and a god damn expensive one at that" Ted said. His teeth were grit with anger.

"And?" Evangeline asks putting on her glasses,

"She said YES!" He snapped. Evangeline took off her glasses once again in order to blink her eyes a couple of times, she was purely confused. "The problem was. She obviously didn't want to get married" "Why do you say that?" Evangeline asked. "She basically ruined our wedding. That fucking whore" He said.

"I suddenly felt like I am not a part of this conversation. For all I was concerned I was no longer in the room, she only wanted to talk to Ted.  
"Hold on a second Ted" She said at one point. She took off her glasses. So annoying how she kept taking her glasses off and putting them back on. "Brooke sweetie, are you okay?" She asked me. "Yeah why?" I asked startled "Yes why?" Ted repeated. "I mean with your husband tearing you apart and everything!" Ted throws his head back in exasperation once again. "

God why is it that people are always taking Brooke's side? And when I say Brooke's side I don't mean the fancy chocolates."  
"Evangeline blinked her eyes once again and took off her glasses, and I didn't blame her for a second, that was fucking obscure of Ted./p 

"I really don't understand what chocolates have to do with anything!" She said

"Forget it!" He snapped. She then turned to me.

"How are you feeling about all of this?" She asked. I really did not know what to say. What I really wanted to talk about is, what happened to me at the wedding and how none of it was my fault, and that I seriously thought I was sick, but I didn't want Ted to worry about me, if he worries about me, he might want me to go to the hospital and that might ruin things even more. If he found out that I was sick then he'd feel guilty and I did not want that, nor did I want to ruin our honeymoon, which was in a couple of weeks so I assumed we'd be over it by then.

"Everything's fine" I lied, I then smiled even though on the inside, I felt sad.

"Do you feel that you ruined the wedding?" Evangeline asked. Tears weld up in my eyes. All I can do is nod my head. It was all I could do to not cry at therapy. "I really don't want to talk about it" I said. "I Don't think you understand the point of therapy" She said to me, taking off her glasses again. She just shouldn't wear glasses if she can't decide whether or not to keep them on or not.

"When you go to therapy you're supposed to talk about your problems"

"Well" I said, staring at her. "I didn't want to go to therapy in the first place FYI. I didn't even get a say in it in the first place" I snapped, "Ted just dragged me and said 'C'mon we're going to couple's therapy. We're not even married and already he's sending me to couple's therapy, he doesn't even trust us to work it out on our own"

"How can we work anything out?" Ted snapped, "You don't even want to talk about it, you want to pretend it didn't happen, well guess what? If that's how it is, this marriage is never going to work."

"Ted" Evangeline said, "Why don't you try using some feeling words with Brooke. Just yelling at her like that, is going over her head, it's not the way we handle things at couple's therapy. Why don't you say something like, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but that really hurt your feelings the way you acted at our wedding

"Wait a sec" Ted snapped, "I'm supposed to say, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you hurt my feelings?" Evangeline just stared at us with her mouth open, breathing through her mouth. "How in the world is that affective?" Ted snapped. Evangeline puts her glasses back on. /p 

"Never mind that" Evangeline says, clearly stating that Ted has won. "Tell me more about your wedding" She said. "What exactly did she do? I know your pissed off, but what exactly did she do that pissed you off so much? Besides the crying thing when you proposed to her drunk" Ted put his finger to his chin, and put on his thinking face. "Where do I start?" He asked. "Well first of all she had a lot of trouble dealing with putting on my ring. I've gone to a lot of weddings, and never have I seen anyone have that much trouble with that." 

"I'm just clumsy" I said staring down at the floor.

"Shut up Brooke!" Ted snapped. "Why did you tell her to shut up just now?" 

"Evangeline asked, purely confused. "Did you mean shut up as in oh my god? Or did you really want her to shut up. I can understand that your pissed about how she behaved at the wedding, but why did you tell her to shut up just now? What did she say that deserved that response?" Ted continued to look very angry. He face palmed once again. "I'm just clumsy, I just had a clumsy moment. That's just her go to excuse for every thing these days, every time she falls or drops something or whatever, or spills vanilla black tea in her lap. Let me tell you something. I've known Brooke since high school okay? She was on the powderpuff football team and the gymnastics team, not to mention she's always been killer at ultimate frisbee." "What's your point?" Evangeline asked, blinking her eyes in confusion once again. Ted gave her an ultra condescending look. "Well DUH!" He said, "My point is that she's not clumsy. She's very co ordinated, but you wouldn't have known that from the way she dancing during the bride and grooms dance."

"Oh dear" Evangeline said, "What happened?" I couldn't help noticing that Ted was tearing up a tiny bit. He is so embarrassed about crying in front of people. The last time I saw him cry in public was when he was shit drunk "Let's just say she had a bunch of clumsy moments. I know that you're going to probably ask if she was drunk, but I'll tell you first hand that she absolutely was not. That was way before the bar opened, she didn't have anything to drink at dinner. She was fucking sober." "What do you think was going on?" Evangeline asked.

"You really want to know what I think?" Ted asked, his voice sounded like a combination of worry and anger. "I think she was trying to sabotage our wedding" He snapped, going back to just pure angry. "Is she usually that kind of person?" She asked. "Is that something she'd do?" "Not usually!" Ted snapped, folding his hands in her lap, "But it was something she did" Evangeline turned to me.

"Is that true Brooke?" She asked me. I just stared at the ground and shrugged. "I don't really want to talk about it" I said again, sounding like a broken record player I assume. "

"YES!" Ted answered./p

"I was asking Brooke" Evangeline said./p

"Well obviously she's not talking" He snapped. "She has nothing to say about it,

"Well you better make it quick" Evangeline says, "Time is running up" "I think I've said all I need to say" Ted said. Evangeline looks down at her watch.

"Well what do you know, time's up, better get going" She says flapping her hands in a pushing moment. "Andoiulee, Andoiulee!" God there is just something about how she said that, that really bugged the shit out of me.

"Ted and I sat in silence for the first couple of blocks. I was the first one to break the silence.

"Andoiulee, Andoiulee!" I say mimicking Evangeline angrily.

"Ted rolled his eyes. "I really don't understand what chocolates have to do with anything" He replied, also mimicking the therapist. 

"I was shocked, I had expected him to get mad at me, but instead miraculously, he was angrier at the therapist. I laugh nervously. "I don't want to hurt your feelings but you really hurt my feelings at the wedding" I said nervously.

"Ted laughed grudgingly. "How about the way she kept taking her glasses off and putting them back on? What the fuck was up with that?" He asked. "Did you notice how tiny her nose was?" I asked, "And how far her mouth was from her nose" Ted nodded. "I did notice, and what about the fact that she didn't do coffee" He cleared his throat. "Let's try this again. What kind of Tea do you want?" I laughed again and that time it wasn't so strained. We were comfortable again even if our bond was based on making fun of poor old ugly Evangeline. "I can really tell from the look on your face that you didn't like that, it hurt your feelings didn't it, how did it make you feel. Why don't you share some feeling words about it?" I said. Ted laughed again. I was really starting to miss that laugh "I hate to say this Brooke, but calling her Vic-Whore-ia, sounded a little bitchy don't you think?" Ted replied. Before I knew it, we were laughing our heads off, I started to get nervous that after we finished making fun of Evangeline, we would go back to not talking to each other. We pulled up to our driveway, and for some reason I thought for sure, we'd go back to hating each other. I knew for a fact that our mutual hatred for Evangeline was not going to fix our already strained marriage. Shockingly Ted took my hand. "C'mon Brooke" He said, "Let's have some make up sex" After that things were back to normal, it was a start to a really good relationship, at least that's what I thought. Also I was able to keep the strange symptoms of clumsiness at bay, maybe it was just nerves all along. But then once we got to Mexico, the symptoms of clumsiness showed their hideous faces once again.

"So now, here's what we got. A very short and pathetic excuse for a don't talk on the plane. Ted and I just sit in silence. I have the aisle seat and am staring out the window looking at nothing. I really wish I could tell my husband how I'm really feeling, but every time I try to, my throat feels all closed, and my body get's all sweaty. Ted appears to be asleep with his earbuds placed in each ear and his Ipod on his lap. He is still very much pissed. My brain feels like it is in a foggy mist once again, and I do not like it. I would like it much better if it was to be expected, if I knew what was causing it, if it were drug related but I don't know what is causing it, and it is not drug related. My entire body breaks into a cold sweat but at the same time a hot sweat. I do not realize it yet, but I am crying. I mean really letting it out crying, A full body cry. I am not crying silently, loud deep sobs cause my entire body to shake uncontrollably. I realize I have woken Ted up. He groans loudly. "I'm sorry to wake you" I sob.

"You all right?" He asks me. Surprisingly he is not super pissed. As a matter a fact not pissed at all. Worried

"No!" I sob. "I don't feel well, I want to get off"

"Is everything all right?" One of the stewardess asks.

"Apparently not" Ted says. My head feels more foggy and misty by the second, my hands start feeling like balloons again, but this time not inflated balloons, this time more like deflated balloons.

"What's the matter with you babe?" Ted asks.

"I don't know!" I moan. Tears stream down my cheeks. The stewardess stays by my side. A woman from across the Aisle stands up.

"She can have one of my Sonata's" She says.

"No!" Ted snaps, "There will be no sedating my wife." \

"It's a short lasting drug, it should wear off in an hour and a half" The woman says, "The flight is a couple hours" "Do you have anything stronger?" Ted asks, I don't understand him, one minute he's telling the strange woman not to sedate me, and the next he's begging her to give me something stronger.

"I do have a couple of Xanex" The woman says, "Is she a first time flyer?" She asks Ted, "I mean like no offense or anything"

"No" Ted says, "She's flown before many of times." He then turns to me. "What's going on?" He asks me. "What's wrong?" Tears continue streaming down my

"Take this" the woman says, handing me a white pill. I pop it in my mouth and drink the cup of cranberry juice cocktail.

""Atta girl" She says."Now just take some deep breaths" She tells me. I try taking a single deep breath, but I feel like there is no air in my lungs, my chest feels tight. "I can't breathe" I complain.

"You can" She says, "You're okay, you're just having an anxiety attack" She pats my hand.

"I don't think she's having an anxiety attack" Ted says. "Brooke what's wrong babe?" He asks me. My sweater suddenly feels too itchy, and maybe a little too tight."Are you all right dear?" The lady who gave me a xanex asks me. "I can't breathe" I moan once again.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Ted/strong/span/p

"I stare at my wife, her face is turning all purple and blue. Now I am in full panic mode. "What's wrong babe?" I ask jostling her. I feel a fear like no other fear I have ever felt. My seat is starting to feel very itchy. Unfortunately I am unable to leave my seat because, there is turbulence and because I have a window and it's not so easy walking over her when she can't seem to move. She has her mouth and her eyes open and looks like a dead fish. "Brooke come on!" I say, giving her chest compressions "Breathe. Brooke breathe!" along with the turbulence, Brooke's condition get's continuously worse. Her arms lay limply at her side. "Breathe!" I shout again. "HELP!" I shout to no one in particular. "Somebody HELP!" I wake up a whole bunch of people. "Is there a doctor?" No one answers. I don't care about the fucking turbulence, I am not about to watch my wife die, on the airplane with out any known cause. "Somebody HELP!" I shout again. Tears roll down my cheeks and before I know it I am bawling. I am relieved to see that she is making progress, very little progress but progress none the less. She is breathing small shallow breaths, but at least she is breathing at all, her eyes are now closed instead of being open like a creepy dead fish. Apparently the Xanex has kicked in. The turbulence stops. For a split second I am convinced that she is okay. Her breathing is almost back to normal, but then seconds later, she is barely breathing at all. I shake her. "Brooke!" I shout. Tears stream down my cheeks, I am usually too proud to cry in public, but this is not one of those situations.

"Excuse me" A bland looking man in a suit and tie says, "Were you the one who was just screaming for a doctor?" "Oh my god!" I say, more tears rush down my cheeks. Tears of relief this time.

"Are you a doctor?" God what a stupid question, I'm sure he wouldn't be coming over to ask us if we needed a doctor, if he wasn't a doctor himself, or maybe he wasn't maybe he's just kind of an idiot or something. 

"I am" He says, "I'm actually going to a conference in Los Angeles" Man do I ever not care.

"I didn't ask!" I snap not trying to sound like a complete asshole, I just couldn't possibly be more interested in his conference in Los Angeles. But I hope I didn't sound like a complete asshole, since he is going out of his way to help me. "I'm sorry" I apologize (Duh! I apologized)

"What's going on here?" The doctor asks. "I don't know" I cry, "I'm really scared." I begin hyperventilating

"It's my wife" I say, "She's sick. I think" He then pulls out his medical bag. He pulls out a tiny flashlight, pulls open her eyelid and begins shining it in her eye.

"Her pupils look fine" He observes, which is weird because she was just given a xanex. Oh well maybe xanex doesn't cause the pupils to dilate, some sedatives don't after all. He then checks her pulse. "Weak" He says.

"What do you think is wrong with her?" I ask, "All I can say right now is, her pulse is weak and she's very lethargic" He then pulls out his stethoscope and places it gently to her chest.

"Is she okay?" I ask immediatly.

"I'm afraid not" The doctor says. "She has severe bradycardia" He says.

"And that means?" I ask, unable to help my self from being impatient. "It means her heartbeat is very slow and infrequent" "What are you going to do? You can do something about this can't you?" I ask. "I think our best bet is to get her to the hospital." "No!" I moan. "This is not good" She continues to be asleep, I've heard that Xanex is supposed to be a seven hour drug, so she'll be asleep for 5 more hours after the plane lands. "So there's nothing you can do? NOTHING?"

"I'm sorry" The doctor says, "I think she needs the emergence room"

"Are we landing soon?" I cry. The flight attendant answers the question. The button dings, and she announces that the plane is landing, and that everyone must return to their seats at once. "Hey" The doctor says, "Good luck" I nod, not wanting to say something rude, because I really don't feel like being polite to the ultra unhelpful guy who calls himself a doctor, but to be fair he probably actually is a doctor, seeing only a doctor would be able to hold a stethoscope next to someone's chest and diagnose them with something like bradycardia, unless of course he is a medical student or something, or just someone who knows a lot about medicine and for some reason carries around medical equipment.

"We're almost there babe" I say to her. "Hold in there" "We will be landing in Los Angeles, very soon" The attendant announces, /span/p 

"Please buckle up your seat belts and remove all electronics." I wish I didn't agree to having her take a Xanex in the first place she is out, I will probably have to carry both her and all my luggage, plus all of her luggage. No! I think to myself pushing that thought as far away from my head as possible, that is the least of my issues. What is important is if Brooke is all right. I can worry about luggage later. I carry her over my shoulder like a bag of potatoes, the same way I carried her last night after our disasterous game of table tennis. Only this time it is not so sexy, she looks like she just rolled out of bed which is true, her bed headed hair is in a low loose pony tail and she is not wearing make up "I can't wait long enough for the line to die down. I realize that it is a full plain and that other people have to get off just as much as we do. But eventually, I can not stand it any more. /span/p

"MOVE PEOPLE MOVE!" I shout. Everyone gives me intimidated looks, but I guess seeing me carrying my ailing wife over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, as well as the luggage we had taken on the plane, changes everyone's mind.

"Go!" an old lady says, "Get out of here!"

I almost forget to get all our non carry on suitcases, but then I remember all our important stuff. I freak out completely when I realize I don't really know what to do with all that stuff, I might crack my back open carrying all this luggage, and my wife. Cracking my back however should be the last thing on my mind. Priorities. Get Brooke to a hospital. I end up having to make two trips, which I am definitely not so happy about, not in the slightest. once everything is in place I speed as fast as I can over to the closest hospital. Brooke does not make any signs of waking up. "Hang in their babe" I say to her. You're going to be all right" This is a complete lie, or maybe not a complete lie, but a lie none the less"

There is a huge gap in my memory between the events between driving to the hospital and sitting in the waiting room. It all just happened so fast. So now I am nervously sitting in the waiting room, only the word nervous wouldn't suffice. I try to let my mind wander, it somehow wanders back to the evening before our honeymoon. Then night my old neighbors and good friends of ours Mac and Kelly had taken us out to dinner at the Fig Tree, which was our all time favorite restaurant. I really should have known there was something up with Brooke, because after a week of no falling spells or any clumsy moments, she was suddenly back at it again.

"C'mon Brooke they're here!" I said as a big blue van pulled up into our driveway. As soon as she got up from the couch she tripped and fell down. Thankfully she didn't get hurt, but she did however ruin one of the soles of her bright red knee high leather high healed boots, that matched beautifully with her Vera Wang red dress and fancy red hair barrettes. "You okay?" I asked her.

"Yeah!" She said, "My foot just fell asleep there" She smiled meekly. She got herself up from the ground as if it were nothing, then realized that something was not right "Oh man, the soul of my shoe" She cried. It appeared that it had broken off completely, but I really had no time to worry about it, not then

"Just put on another pair" I told her, "They're waiting on us" She seemed really hot and bothered about her shoe, and was a real hot mess. /span/p

"I wanted to wear these ones" She cried. She almost sounded like she was on the verge of tears, yet I had no idea why, it couldn't have possibly have been about her shoes, even though they were a really nice pair.

"Here just wear these!" I said handing her a different pair, this time not a pair of high heels. Clogs.

"I'm not wearing these!" She snapped, her voice filled with exasperation "Just slip them on" I told her evenly. She then dissolved into tears. I totally saw that coming, yet I'm not sure why. She'd just been moody as fuck since after our wedding. "I'm not wearing these god damnit!" She wailed. "They're hideous." I looked down at the brown, leather pair of clogs, she's wasn't wrong they were hideous. "What's going on with you sweetie?" I asked. "You seem really exasperated, are you all right?"

"Damnit Ted" She snapped, tears of anger ran down her cheeks, "I'm not exasperated, that was just my favorite pair of boots ever." When I said she seemed exasperated, I didn't just mean that day right then, I meant all week, she had been stand offish and moody all week. "

"We'll get you another pair" I say, "Maybe we'll get something in Mexico." She then took the pair of clogs as well as her broken high heeled boot and hurled them all at the wall. I had never seen Brooke, or anyone for that matter get so worked up over a broken shoe.

"We can't replace them" She sobbed, "You don't understand, those were custom made for me, and they were so damn expensive, Whitney got them custom made in Paris" I knew that it wasn't about the shoes, but I didn't dare say anything. There was suddenly a knock on the door. I felt so terrible about keeping them waiting. I rushed to the door right away. Mac and Kelly were standing at the door, they were both dressed up very nicely. "I'm so sorry to keep you two waiting" I said. Brooke's kind of a hot mess right now" "Is there anything we can do?" Kelly asked. "I don't know" I said, "She's having problems with her shoes. Brooke was sitting on the first floor of the staircase her face was still very wet. Her mascara was running again the same way it had been at our wedding.

"Are you okay sweetie?" Kelly asked. Brooke shook her head as more and more tears rolled down her cheeks. "It's a disaster" She moaned. She had always been a bit of a drama queen, but wow. "What happened?" Kelly asked. Brooke just pointed to the wall, where she had thrown her shoes.

"Oh dear" Kelly said, "It looks like you broke your heal" "It looks terrible" Brooke moaned bitterly.

"Hey" Mac sad giving her a generous pat on the shoulder. "Nothing a little super glue can't fix" Brooke once again broke into a fit of anger.

"Super glue?" She yelled, 'SUPER GLUE? It can absolutely not be fixed with super glue god damnit" She then went all doe eyed. "Oh, I'm sorry" She said. Her mood swings seemed like they were going to be an awful lot to get used to. Maybe she was just on her period or something. "You got any super glue?" Mac asked, "We got some in the garage" I said. "I'll take this" Mac says, taking the shoe.

"So where's Stella?" I asked Kelly. "She's at the sitters tonight?" She said. "I wanted this strictly to be an adult get together" 'Good luck with that' I thought bitterly to myself, Brooke was not behaving like much of an adult. "

"She's gotta be what four years old now?" I asked. "She's going to turn 5 in a couple of weeks" Kelly said proudly. Mac returned from the garage, with Brooke's left shoe. "Good as new" He said. "Thank you" Brooke said sullenly. She then looked disapprovingly at the heel. "

"What's wrong?" Mac asked. "It's too noticeable" She complained. She then pointed out that super glue was still leaking. God damnit what a spoiled princess she was being. "Not to worry" Mac said, he then took it over to the kitchen sink and cleaned it off with a rag."Here you are Brooke" He said when he was finished "good as new." Brooke continued to appear dissatisfied.

"Now what's wrong?" Mac asked. "Skid marks" She cried. "Hey" I said, "No one's going to be looking at your feet, let's just go already"

"It's okay" Kelly said, "We're actually here a bit early." "I think these shoes are ruined" Brooke said sadly, even though her other shoe was perfectly fine.

"Oh dear" Kelly said, "How did you ruin them?" She asked. 

"I was" She said, trying to think up a valid excuse, I assume "I was doing my laundry, our laundry I suppose and my bed sheet got wrapped around one of my feet and I tripped and fell, and yeah." Yeah I suppose that was basically the story except there was no laundry involved, she just fell, why the fuck didn't she just say her foot fell asleep? Her and her lies.

"It's probably never a good idea to do laundry in high heels" Kelly said smirking. "Do you have another pair of shoes you could wear, maybe another nice pair of red heels?" 

"She has about a million pairs of shoes" I said exasperated. "I'm not really sure what's so special about these ones. C'mon let's go" "Hold on" Kelly said, "We'll find you some new ones." Brooke was suddenly in fresh tears.

""I wanted to wear those ones" She moaned, "They were just SO perfect" "Do you have any other red ones?" Kelly asked. "Just wear the clogs" I said impatiently. "NO!" She cried. "I'm not wearing those hideous beasts on my feet"

"She's not lying" Mac had said."Those are some butt ugly shoes"

"They're not that bad" I said. "I'll get her some shoes" Kelly said, "Your bedroom is upstairs right?"

"Right" I said shortly. In what seemed like hours she reappeared with a pair of sandals.

"Will these work?" She asked.

"Sure!" Brooke said poutingly, obviously they were far from what she wanted on her feet, but she went with it, and for the rest of the night the broken boots were never mentioned again. I was glad that she didn't try to wear another pair of high heels, because she had a couple more falling spells as we got to the Fig Tree's parking lot. Almost over night she had developed a severe case of week ankles. I was beginning to wonder if maybe she wasn't really trying to sabotage our wedding, maybe she really did have something genuinely wrong with her. I tried to push it to the back of my mind. Things went smoothly during the first few minutes at the fig tree, but then once we got our glasses of water, I worried, and now in retrospect, I realize that maybe I didn't really worry as much as I should have. I should have been much more worried. She took a sip of her water, and suddenly her face turned red and purple the same way it had at her wedding when she choked on her wedding cake. As pathetic as it may sound I acted like a war veteran returning from Vietnam, PSTD about our wedding started to occur. She began coughing.

"Brooke you all right?" Mac asked pounding her hard the back. I recognized this from the wedding, she was choking all right. 

"Mac you know CPR?" I asked

"Yeah I know the Hiemlich menuver" He said, he then began giving her chest compressions the same way Garf had done at the wedding. Brooke started coughing up huge chunks of ice. "You all right?" Mac asked her again.

"Yeah I think so" She said. She then leaned over and vomited water like a drowning victim.

"What?" I ask, I have been very rudely snapped out of my reverie, not that it is by any means a reverie I want to relive in any way shape or form.

"We're going to run some tests on your wife, we need to ask you a couple of questions." A male nurse is telling me, /span/p

"Has she woken up yet?" I ask.

"Unfortunately not" The male nurse says

"When we were on the airplane, the lady across from the aisle gave her a Xanex" I tell him, "When?" He asks, "About three hours ago" I say, "It should have warn off by then, how big was the dosage?"

"I don't know" I say, "I didn't see her give it to her"

"I think she's going to be okay" The doctor says,

"I don't think so" I say, "She's not going to be okay. She's not okay at all" The nurse writes this down, it is so nerve racking to be talking about personal things like this with a doctor or nurse rather in the waiting room where other people can probably hear us. "Can we go somewhere in private?" I ask. "Sure of course" The male nurse says.

"She's not waking up?" I ask, I am in a state of panic now.

"She hasn't" The doctor says, "I want to see her" I cry, "I want to see my wife"

"Hang on" The nurse says, /span/p 

"Who says I can't see her?" I snap, "Listen, what's your name?" "It's Ted, Ted Sanders" I say, "We're going to have to keep her overnight" /span/p 

"Overnight?" I cry, "I'm sorry" He says, "I'm going to ask you some questions, try not to freak out"

"Don't tell me not to freak out!" I snap and am astonished by my own anger.

"It's going to be okay" He coaxes me.

"How could you say that?" I cry. "You can't talk to her, she's asleep, she can't give you any answers" 

"Which is exactly why I'm asking you" He explains putting on his glasses. I realize that, that was kind of an off thing to say, maybe I'm just in such a huge state of panic and anger that I can't get a single straight thought through my head. I really hope he doesn't want to check my head or anything like that. "I can't tell you how she's feeling" I say evenly, "Because she won't talk about it, she just sweeps it under a rug" The nurse nods. "Sweeps what under a rug?" He asks.

"She's been weird since our wedding" I say, I now feel even more terrible about ever even thinking she was trying to sabotage the wedding, but I suppose to my defense, what else would I would have expected, she did cry about my proposal. Oh my god, I think to myself, I was fucking drunk and I proposed to her of course she fucking cried. I am such a fucking asshole. I wish I could take it all back, now she's in the emergency room and hasn't woken up. "Is she going to be okay?" I ask as fat tears run down my cheeks. "I don't know" He says, "I can't tell you" "Fuck" I cry. "FUCK!"

"You might want to keep it down" He hisses, "There are children in this ward" I wipe off my tears. "Please tell me she's going to be okay" I then begin having a sobbing fit. "Please" "I understand that you're upset" He says, "But you're going to have to give me some rational answers," I clear my throat and wipe my tears. 

"Well first of all, she kept dropping the wedding ring, she just suddenly over night became a butter fingers. She like lost all her motor coordination" "That's not good" He says, "No damn right it's not" I sob, "Then she got even worse when it came to our dance, she just kept falling and bumping into things, she kept saying she was having clumsy moments, but she is not clumsy, that's just not who she is. She's so coordinated, so what gives?" The nurse looks at me as if he's had an aha moment. "She may have something wrong with her inner ear" He suggests, "Or" He puts on his glasses, "She may have a serious brain infection, motor clumsiness can often times be a hallmark symptom of Encephalitis"

"Oh my god!" I cry. "You really think so?" I don't really know too much about Encephalitis, but from what I do know it is a serious brain thing." "I think that may be a very good thing to test her for, go on" He says, I guess he assumes I have more to say. "She choked on her wedding cake, I don't know much about Encephalitis, is that a common symptom?""Choking on wedding cake?" He asks. I have no time for his humor or whatever that is supposed to be, or maybe he's really dumb enough to think that is what I meant "Choking" I say trying not to let my voice sound too harsh.

"It very well could be yes" He says. My heart races in side my chest, my stomach drops the way it does whenever I go on the screeching eagle ride at the amusement park, my shirt feels like it is sticking to my skin. My throat becomes very dry. I have to swallow a bunch before I can speak again.

"After the wedding she was doing really well, although I guess she did spill hot tea all over her during a meeting with the therapist,"  
He nods his head slowly, "But actually now that I think about it, she really hasn't been doing fine" "Which is it?" The nurse asks, "you're going to have to be straight with me here son" "She wasn't doing well" I say. "She had more clumsy moments, she always laughed them off and tried to be cute and funny about them, and like I said earlier swept them under a rug" "I see" The nurse says, there is an annoyed heir about him. /

"I guess I just pretended she was doing fine just now because she made no big deal of it, she was just so, so, so nonchalant about it, I should have recognized it before, I should have known she might have something seriously wrong with her, I should have convinced her to go to the hospital right away. Then things took a turn for their worst on our honeymoon, she got so sick, she couldn't stop losing her balance, she couldn't even hold onto the ping pong racket. We cut the trip a day early, and she got really bad on the airplane, thank god there was a doctor on board, he diagnosed her with bradycardia" "Thanks for telling me" He says slowly, "You think you got something?" I ask, "Well before we do anything, we're going to try to rule out any serious brain infections, and that includes Encephalitis, Meningitis, and West Nile Virus" My shirt becomes all sticky again, I can not stop sweating, and that screeching eagle ride feeling in my stomach returns.

"Excuse me" A doctor says. "You're Brooke's husband is that right"

"Oh my god" I say,/span"Is she okay?" "She's fine, her heart beat is back to normal, and she is awake, she's eating some applesauce" That is all good news, the fact that she's eating applesauce is a little irrelevant and was to tell you the truth something I could have easily gone without hearing, but whatever. "So she's okay" I say, relief spills over me. "Her pulse is unusually low, so we might have to keep her over night, and as my nurse has informed you, we will have to run some tests" "Oh my god" I cry, I hope I don't sound too mushy about all this, but I really can't help it. "Can I see her?" I ask. "You better make this fast" He says, "We got tests to do, thank you for your help Ted" He says

I rush into her hospital room. "Are you all right?" I ask throwing my arms around her. "No!" She sobs. "No I'm not Ted. I'm sick"

"Wait what?" I ask, she can't possibly know that she's sick already. "You don't know that for sure" I say, even though I am certain that she obviously is.  
'Times New Roman';""I can know that" She says, "There's been something wrong with me since the day of our wedding" She struggles a lot with her little cup of applesauce. I almost want to spoon feed it to her, but I am not that type to be all mushy and sentimental. The nurse sticks his head in the door. "Excuse me" He says, "I'd like to ask your wife a couple of questions, I may have to ask you to leave" I hold Brooke's hand tightly,

"Whatever you need to say, you can say it in front of me." "I'm going to ask you to leave" he repeats I reluctantly leave. I stand next to the door with my ear pressed tightly against it. "How are you feeling?" I hear him ask my wife. "I'm looking for specific answers. The voices sound muffled due to being behind the door, but I have a pretty good idea of what they were saying.

"I feel like my head's in a foggy mist" I hear her say. There is a long pause, I assume that maybe he is busy writing something down, but I do know one thing and that is the silence is not a good thing. "My hands feel like inflated balloons" I hear her say. "Interesting way of putting it" The nurse says, I can swear I hear him scribbling away with the pencil and pad of paper.

"Excuse me!" A night nurse says. I am so astonished that I jump, I have gotten to thinking that there is no one else in this hospital, just me, Brooke, and the nurse. "What are you doing there son?" "I'm um, just leaving yeah" "Is that so?" She asks. "Okay fine" I say, "I'm staying, I'm trying to figure out what's going on with my wife, she's in that room right here" "I'm really sorry to hear that" She says, "That's really too bad, but I'm going to ask you to leave." "I need to know what's going on" I say, "I know you're really freaking out and everything, and I can't say I blame you and everything but it's hospital policies. I know she's your wife and everything but you need to go sit in the waiting room, just like everybody else" "Fine!" I snap. Just then the door swings open and the nurse steps out. "We're going to have to run some tests" He says, "What kinds of tests" I ask "From talking to her, it sounds like it's one of the brain diseases I suggested. You should get some rest, why don't you go home?" "I'm staying here" I say


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 1: Brooke **

I am scared to death when I find myself in a hospital bed, it's really weird how fast things happened, last thing I remember, I was sitting on the plane struggling to breathe, as the woman from across the aisle was telling me to take deep breaths, now suddenly I am in the hospital bed with tubes hooked up to me. It suddenly dawns on me. I'm sick. I must be. The doctor stands next to me and hands me a cup of applesauce. I can't eat. My stomach is tied in huge knots.

"Nice to see you awake, how you feeling? You all right?" "What happened?" I ask. "Your husband brought you in" He explains, "He was carrying you over his shoulder and really freaking out, he said you were just getting back from your honeymoon" He clears his throat "I just sent my nurse to speak with your husband in the waiting room," He tells me, "We're going to run some tests, you were out for quite a while, so the nurse couldn't ask you any questions and we needed answers right away, he went outside to talk with Ted is it?" I nod. Ted can not give him any accurate answers, because I have not been able to give him accurate answers, I have not wanted to.

"tests?" I ask, "What kinds of tests?" "We don't know yet" The nurse says, "we're going to have to talk to your husband and see what he has to say. I try to sit up straight in my bed. My hospital gown feels particularly itchy right now. Tears begin stinging my eyes. I blink back unshed tears

"I'm not going to cry" I announce, making a promise to both myself and to the doctor, he smooths out my blankets.

"You are very brave" He tells me, even though I am as scared as shit. More unshed tears fill my eyes.

"I'm not going to cry" I say again blinking my eyes. "We're not going to judge you if you do." The nurse says, "Well I'm not" I say. I want him to think that I am going to be brave about all of this, I want him to think that maybe I'm just being optimistic and maybe that both tests are going to turn out negative and it will all be okay. The truth of the matter is, I can not cry because I am in a complete state of shock. Maybe I have cried myself out already and everything anyway, so there are no tears left for me to cry. Either way, I'm not going to cry. "Maybe you're just in a little bit of shock right now" The doctor suggests. I nod my head slowly. Just then the door opens and Ted comes flying into my room

"Are you all right?" He asks me throwing his arms around me. Suddenly all the shock has somehow warn off and I am able to cry again,

"No!" I sob, "Ted I'm sick" I sob and sob and sob,

"You can't know that for sure" Ted says stroking my hair.

"I'm in the hospital for gods sake" I snap. "The nurse is going to run a couple of tests" He tells me. Now I am in a complete state of panic.

"What kinds of tests?" I cry.

"He's going to talk with you first" He tells me, "But he's pretty sure it's Encephalitis"

"Oh god!" I say, I cover my mouth and continue to sob fitfully. I have no idea what Encephalitis is, I've actually never heard of such a disease in my life, all I know is it sounds frightening. "What is that?" I ask still sobbing.

"It means swelling of the brain" The doctor tells me.

"Oh God!" I sob again. The nurse then peaks his head through the door.

"Good to see you awake" He says. "Your husband has answered quite a few questions about your delicate condition" He tells me, and I really hate the way he says it. I am delicate, I break easily. I am pathetic. He then turns to Ted, "I'm going to have to ask you to leave" He tells my husband. Ted holds on tightly to my limp hand.

"Whatever you need to say, you can say in front of me" The nurse shakes his head.

"I don't think so son" He says. Ted reluctantly walks out the door. "What did he say?" I ask, I am unable to stop the tears from falling, I have promised everyone in the room that I wasn't going to cry and here I am blubbering like an idiot. "Well" He says, peering down at his yellow note pad, "He says you've been falling a lot"

My stomach suddenly turns a somersault and the hairs on the back of my neck are standing up. I suddenly become defensive just like I have so many times before. "Clumsy moment" I say almost instinctively. The nurse gives me an irritated look,

"That answer may work at home with your husband, but is not going to work in this hospital"

"I'm sorry" I said pitifully, "force of habit" "No reason to get all defensive" He says "And you don't have to be embarrassed, the reason you're here is so we can figure out what's wrong with you"

"Okay yeah" I say, "I've been falling a lot but I've always been kind of a klutz" I kind of try to smile even though on the inside I am feeling sad as shit, but at the I am so scared to death of being grilled by a professional like this. He puts on his glasses,

"Not according to your husband" "Wait what?" I ask I guess I have kind of spaced out. He clears his throat, "You have amazing coordination" He says, "You're an active participant in Gymnastics" He says, "And you've excelled in other sports as well"

"So?" I ask, I notice I am starting to sound defensive again. I clear my throat. "You have to let this clumsy chic of yours go, and maybe admit that you need a doctor." Tears run down my cheeks. "I was" I say, "I was hoping I could get out of having tests" I cry, "

You do understand you have to be honest with me" I let out a loud single sob.

"I just don't want to get tested for something as scary as what was it Encephalitis you said?"

"Well on the other hand" The nurse says, "Wouldn't it be nice if we ruled that disease out?" "I suppose you're right" I say, "From what your husband said, it seemed like a textbook case of Encephalitis"

"Oh god!" I cry again. I do not like crying so much, I'm sure nobody does, but I can't stop.

"Am I going to die?" I ask. The doctor gives me a bleak look but he doesn't answer my question. I am at my whits ends. "Maybe you can help me try to rule out Encephalitis" Just the word it's self sounds terrifying, horrifying even. I begin shivering uncontrollably.

"How are you feeling?" He asks me

"Bad" I sob, and I can't stop sobbing. He looks at me sternly. "I'm going to need some better answers then that" He says, "Let's be more specific" I sob so hard my body is shaking. That scary feeling, that my hand is ballooning returns.

"My hand feels like it it's blown up like a balloon" "Wow" He says jotting down notes. I look down at my hand, once again it is normal.

"What else?" He asks "My head feels foggy I know I was given a Xanex and that it takes a long time to wear off, but I've been feeling this fog long before that."

"So you feel like you're drugged all the time?" "Exactly" I say. The whole room feels like it's spinning, my legs feel like someone has placed a bunch of hot needles in them, it is so sickening that a huge shock absorbs my body, the kind of shock a person get's from hearing nails on a chalk bored. I shudder uncontrollably

"Brooke hey" The nurse says shaking me, "Are you all right?"

"Hot needles" I cry. Suddenly.

"Can you explain that to me?"

"My legs" I say as fat tears roll down my cheeks. I cover my mouth as if I am about to vomit which I really feel like I'm going to.

"Would you like a bucket?" He asks me. I nod. He hands one to me, I then begin vomiting the strawberry daiquari sobe drink I had gotten at the vending machine at the airport, as well as the peanuts, and cranberry juice cocktail I have gotten on the airplane.

"You all right?" The nurse asks me. I shake my head. I then throw up a second time and then a third. The terrible dizziness increases about 50 billion times.

"I think Encephalitis sounds like an almost confirmed diagnosis" He says. "I'm going to break the news to your husband and then we're going to run a couple tests" "A couple?" I cry, "What else am I being tested for?" "

We want to rule out any other brain infections" He then walks to the door.

"Hang in there" he tells me, he walks out the door leaving me sobbing in my hospital bed. The feeling of the room spinning returns. I vomit again but this time I miss the bucket. I suddenly realize a new sensation. The hot needle's in my legs are now replaced with the feeling of nothing. They are completely numb. I let out a loud blood curdling scream. A night nurse is at my bed side in a flash.

"You okay ma'am?" She asks.

"I can't feel my legs" I cry, "They're numb" I cry and cry and cry and cry. She strokes my back. "And it's not just that" I moan, "I ruined my entire wedding, and honeymoon"

"Would you like me to give you something to calm down?" She asks. I nod.

"What do have?" I ask. I really wish the Xanex hasn't worn off. "Here's a valium" She says placing a tiny pink pill in my hands. For some reason I don't pop it in my mouth right away, I just lay in bed crying hysterically, with the pill tightly held in my fist. Luckily the night nurse presses the red button right away. Just then the doctor and his nurse come rushing in. The nurse is carrying a couple of syringes, more then a couple for that matter, I can tell for a fact that those are the tests.

"You called us?" The nurse asks. "I did" The night nurse says. "She says she can't feel her legs" "Well that's not good" The doctor says. He seems even more sure of himself then he has before. "Have you taken your valium?" The night nurse asks turning to me. The valium. I have forgotten all about the tiny pink pill balled up in my fist. I shake my head and open up my limp hand, it falls to the floor. The night nurse picks it up from floor and pops it into my mouth like I am a helpless 0 year old. She holds a cup of water to my mouth.

"C'mon girl drink" she advises me."Drink, drink, drink, Atta girl" she says.

"All right let's get this over with" The doctor says, which I have to admit doesn't sound very professional. His nurse then presses the needle into my arm. I have never by any means had a problem with shots, yet I found myself bawling hysterically, I think it is more about what the shot represents then the shot itself. The night nurse gently strokes my arm with her finger. "It's going to be okay" She coaxes me. "The pill should start kicking in any minute now" I think it should have kicked in the moment I took it. I suppose it did end up working all right, because the next thing I know, the nurse is standing in front of my bed nudging me.

"You're free to go Brooke" "W'hat?" I asked weakly. "I said. Your tests all came back negative" He says, he is smiling widely. "Isn't that great news?" I really don't know if it's such good news or not, now I just have something wrong with me and I can not put a name or face to it, on the other hand I don't have something scary with a really complicated name like Encephalitis.

"Yeah I guess that's great news" I say.

"What do you mean you guess?" He asks, "I thought you'd be over the moon about this"

"I guess, I'm just a little drowsy from the medicine" I say. "It should wear off in a few" He says, "Your husband is waiting for you in the waiting room" "Thank you" I say quietly I let them wheel me into the waiting room. Ted is trying to sleep, key word trying while sitting up in a chair, he has his arm tightly placed on the arm of the chair. One of the nurses nudges him. "What?" Ted asks, he seems really cranky about being woken up and I can't say I blame him. "Your wife is ready to go" he says. Now all of a sudden Ted is fully awake.

"Brooke oh my god!" He says, he slowly helps me out of my chair. "Are you all right?" He asks throwing his arms around me. I slowly back away.

"I got tested negative" I tell him.

"Wait a second" He says, "That's good news isn't it?" Tears fill my eyes. I sharply turn around the other way. "Isn't it?" He asks reaching out, touching me on the shoulder and turning me around. I shake my head slowly. "No!" I say.

"What's wrong Brooke?" Ted asks. "Why aren't you happy?"

"Her pills are starting to wear off" The doctor says, "I'm sure when it's all warn off, she'll be overjoyed" "What did you give her?" Ted asks almost accusingly. "We gave her a valium" The doctor says, "It's known to cause people to be a little bit weepy as a side affect" It's not that, it's not that at all. It's like I'm living in an episode of the show Mystery Diagnosis.

"What's wrong?" I repeat. "I have something really wrong with me, and I can't put a name to it"

"Oh" Ted says, and that's all he can say, no soothing, hopeful words. Just oh. "Should we go home?" He asks. I am really annoyed that he doesn't have anything else to say.

As we get into the car, I realize for the first time that it is the holiday season. Christmas is just around the corner, I didn't realize how close our wedding was to Christmas, it just never occurred to me. Let's just say we did nothing for Thanksgiving. I suppose we were too busy getting ready for our honeymoon that we forgot to celebrate it. The whole city of Las Angeles is covered with Christmas lights. A whole community of people are working together to decorate the gigantic Christmas tree children are all lined up to sit on Santa's lap, and everyone is strolling around the block for the annual Christmas stroll. It should all put Ted and I in the Christmas spirit yet it doesn't. As a matter a fact it's only making me more depressed. Nothing says Christmas spirit like getting tested for serious brain damage and even worse not getting a diagnosis. I stare out the window in silence. "You okay?" Ted asks me. I shake my head. "Hey you don't have Encephalitis" He says trying to cheer me up. "Aren't you even a little happy about that?" I suppose I'm a little happy but really not that much actually. In fact I'm really not all that happy at all. "No" I say. "Ted you don't get it" I say tightly.

"If it's not Encephalitis or any of those other disease's it's obviously something." Ted is silent for a really long time. The car is filled with an eerie silence the same eerie silence that has haunted us the day of our wedding. "Hey come here" Ted says. He then hugs me closely. I suppose I have cried out all of my tears, because I really feel like crying but can not shed a single tear. "It's okay" Ted says to me. He drops a kiss on the top of my head. "It's going to be okay"

The next day, I go into work like it is a normal day. "I think you should take the day off" Ted tries to convince me.

"I gotta go in" I say, "I have a really important gig it's Christmas and all." It's not something I'm particularly excited about, we do stuff like that every year, where we have to dress up in sexy Vera Wang christmas outfits and pose for the camera so we can get pictures for next years calendar, it get's so boring every year, but it's sadly important that everyone in the Vera Wang agency be there, because it's kind of an annual tradition. As a matter a fact it is not just the Vera Wang agency, it is everyone the female division of every single modeling agency in LA. Christmas is a huge holiday for the modeling business and if anyone should know that it's Ted.

"You can barely stand up straight" He says, "Let alone walk, and especially not drive"

"I'll take the sub" I say, "I gotta go in today, I'm already late"

"Brooke listen to me" He says stroking my hair, "Take the day off" I jerk away from him and head out the door.

"Brooke" He calls after me. I begin heading out the door. I'm surprised I have made it all the way to the subway station without having another falling spell.

"Brooke you're at least 10 minutes late" Candy says, "Let's hurry up" She says clapping her hands.

"C'mon girls, let's all line up" Just then the door swings open.

"Excuse me" A girl with a very thick European accent says,

"I'm new to this agency." "Great" Candy says happily.

"What's your name?"

"I'm Victoria" She says.

"Everyone" Candy says, "I'd like to introduce a new model this is Victoria, what's your last name again.

"Czchevkek" Victoria says. "I'm from Russia, well I've been in America for a couple of years now, but I'm new to Vera Wang" It suddenly dawns on me. This is Vychtouriyah, the same Vychtouriyah who Ted dated and broke up with. The Vycthouriyah who was my rebound, no wait, I was HER rebound. Just then I feel the same feelings I felt at the hospital, on the airplane, in the basement of the Hilton and most importantly at my wedding. Once again the room is spinning and my hands are ballooned. I suddenly lose my balance like I have so many times before, I fall sideways crashing into all the other girls and we all fall over like a stack of domino's.

"What the fuck klutz?" The girl next to me says, I don't recognize her either she's from a different modeling agency or I don't know every single person in the one I'm in. Or maybe I am just so out of it, that I just can't tell anyone apart. As I slowly help myself up from the ground, I can't help but notice everyone is angry at me. "Nice going Klutz" Another girl says.

"Hey!" Candy says. Clapping her hands. "Get it together." She continues to clap her hands. "Brooke" She says motioning for me to come over. "I'd like to speak with you in private" She turns to the rest of the models. "All right girls" She says, clapping her hands again, "Start lining yourselves up for our first photo, we'll be back shortly." I follow Candy back to her office. I clear my throat.

"What do you want to speak to me about?" I ask her.

My voice is shaking with nervousness I can tell. "First of all, are you all right?" She asks. I suddenly feel my heart pound across my chest.

"Yeah I'm fine" I say nervously.

"Are you sure honey?" Candy asks, "You've really got me wondering."

"I just had a clumsy moment" I lie, I've been saying those words so much that it has lost it's meaning. "It seems live you've had a lot of clumsy moments" Candy says, I forgot that she was at our wedding.

"I'm really worried about you" She says. She nervously taps her fingers against her desk, I can tell for a fact that she is really nervous. "I'm not sure how I'm going to break this to you but, I think I'm going to let you go.

"Let me go?" I ask, "What do you mean"

"This isn't an easy thing to do Brooke" She says, "You're a great addition to our agency and everything, it's just that modeling is all about coordination and balance, and you don't seem to have any of that these days. Don't forget I was at your wedding" I blink back tears.

"So I'm fired?" I ask. She might as well just come out and say it, I know that's what she's trying to tell me. "Basically" She says. I feel the room start to spin again, it's really freaky how that feeling just comes and goes. I place my hands to my temples. "Are you okay?" Candy asks. Without saying a word, I bolt towards the door. I rush to the nearest little girls room and realize that the icky hot needles have returned, I know any minute I am going to go back to the point of feeling complete numbness. The feeling is so sickening that I vomit right in the sink. I am unable to make it to the bathroom. The cream of rice cereal mixed with applesauce and raisins, rushes out of my mouth like hot lava. The door swings open.

"You okay?" A voice asks. I know right away that is Vychtouriyah. She already has one of the most unique voices I've ever heard. I slowly wipe my mouth. We are standing right across from each other and it is the most awkward thing I've ever experienced. I just vomited in front of the girl who was my rebound. Or wait, I was her rebound, I don't know why I keep forgetting who was who's rebound. But I somehow have the sickening feeling that maybe Vychtouriyah is my replacement, maybe Candy was plotting this whole thing all along. I vomit in the sink once again.

"Oh my" Vychtouryah says, "You okay? What did you eat?" I wish she didn't ask, I don't want to think about what I had eaten for breakfast. I want to ask an equally rude question maybe something on the lines of "What happened to your face?" When Ted said he was dating a Russian model, I pictured a skinny tall blonde girl with the perfect teeth and a perfect face. She has a beautiful body, but I swear the girl is a complete butter face she almost looks like a cave person. I do not say that because truth be told despite everything, I don't think she's all that terrible.

"I got fired!" I cry. "Candy fired me!"

"Oh, I'm sorry" Vychtouryah says. Damn right she's sorry. She's probably really happy I got fired and now she's has a place in the Vera Wang agency. She doesn't appear sorry. "Now I only have one O in my name?" "Wait what?" Vychtouryah says. "I'm Broke!" I cry. I realize now what an idiotic thing I just said. I have plenty of money in the bank.

"Wait, you're Brooke? As in Brooke Shy? As in Ted Sander's high school sweet heart?" She asks, I'm surprised she put it together and got the connection

"Guilty" I say nodding my head.

"Whoa ho" She says, "Ted's told me all about you" I am too busy being miserable to even engage in the conversation. "Hey" She says, "What is wrong?" Ted made her out to sound like a total bitch but she really doesn't seem to bitchy to me.

"Nothing I'm fine" I say.

"You don't seem very fine" Vychtouriyah says. I then realize that my legs are all numb and jello'y again, I become so frustrated I punch my fist through the glass mirror. I had no idea how strong I was, but I have ended up shattering the glass. Shards fall everywhere.

"What the fuck Brooke?" Vychtouriyah cries. "What's the hell is the matter with you?" My body shakes like crazy as I grab a huge piece of glass from the mirror. I firmly take hold of it and begin carving it into my skin.

"Brooke no" It's really not what it looks like, I am not one of those weirdo' s who slit because of depression, I am depressed and everything, but that is not why I'm slitting, I just want to know that I feel something in my legs. Unfortunately I feel nothing, it is like I am carving into something that is not a part of me. I let out a loud shriek. "You need help. You need serious help" Vychtouriyah says, "Hey don't judge me!" I snap, "This isn't what it looks like, I am not a slitter." "Brooke you just slit open your entire right leg" Vychtouriyah says. I try to get up, but it's hard to stand when my leg's are so jello'y. I slowly collapse to the floor.

"Oh my god" I cry, "I, I can't move. I can't walk" "May I see your cellphone?" She asks. "It's in my purse" I am once again overcome by an enormous crying spell. "I'll call Ted" She says.

"Call Ted?" I cry, "Call Ted, why don't you call 911?" "I'm sorry" Vychtouryah says, I just kind of freaked out a little bit there, I really wasn't thinking." 'Damn right' I think to myself. Vychtourya nods her head. "Right on it" She says.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Ted**

I am listlessly sitting on the couch watching animal planet, or well let's just say not watching it, although I do have it on, I am paying absolutely no attention whatsoever, it is 5:00 now, Brooke left at 9:30 in the morning and her shifts usually end at 3:30. Where on earth can she be? I should have been firmer with her, I should have followed her out the door when she left and dragged her home. I'm not sure why but somehow the idea of letting her out of the house seems almost 50 billion times scarier with an unknown disease then it would with a known disease. I'm not sure why it took me so long, but now I realize why Brooke is so unhappy, it's down right nerve wracking not to have a name tagged to whatever's wrong with her. when my phone starts going off. Right away I see that the phone call is from Brooke. I am so relieved that I can't stand it "Brooke" I cry over the receiver

"Ted it's me" The voice on the other end of the receiver is not Brooke's voice it is, could it be? Vychtouryah! Why the fuck is she calling me and more importantly, why is she calling me on Brooke's phone? "I'm sorry she says, I wasn't sure I wanted to call you or not, I know it's been very awkward and everything, we haven't seen each other in months and last time we say each other things were really ugly" I am as confused as can be.

"What's going on here?" I ask, "Brooke, you're ex girl friend you know? She is sick" Vychtouryah says.

"She is in hospital, she was taken in by helicopter" Holy shit! I think to myself, she must be really really sick if she had to ride in a helicopter. Helicopter's seem like their only used for serious accidents, and really serious illnesses. "It's been like eight hours" Vychtouryah continues on. "and like I said, I wasn't sure whether I should call you or not" Oh my god, I think to myself, Brooke's been in the hospital for eight hours. something must have happened during the photo shoots, I'm assuming that was the last and only place she went today, besides the hospital. I can't help feeling the slightest bit responsible. I knew it was a terrible idea for her to go out today, like I said before I should have been more firm with her.

"Wait a sec" I say, something seems very fishy, my ex girlfriend knows that Brooke is in the hospital? How on earth could she possibly know that, how does she even know Brooke personally.

"Wait a sec what?" Vychtouryah asks. "How do you know about all this?" "I was there I saw the whole thing, she vomited in the sink, then she punched her fist into the glass, and then" There is a long silence. "Then she cut her leg open, with one of the shards that is, then she said she couldn't feel her legs and couldn't move like she was paralyzed or something" When did she see all this? I can't help wondering to myself, when could she have possibly seen all this? It starts getting fishier and fishier by the second.

"At the agency" She says. "Vychtouriyah you moved to San Francisco" Vyctouriyah let's out a laugh of utter frustration.

"Oh my god Ted" She says, "You really are dumb, you've always been dumb, it's never been about smarts with you." That's really not fair. Obviously I'm just not thinking straight because I am fucking worried. How could she just go and drop that horrible bombshell about Brooke being in the hospital and not expect me to react? "I can't believe I have to spell this all out to you" She says, her voice is now on the verge of tears.

"I got a job in LA, I switched modeling agencies duh!" "I see," "So she got to the hospital at what time?"

"10:30" She says. Now I am really steaming with anger.

"Why the fuck didn't you call me then, why did you have to wait 7 hours?" I snap.

"Oh my god Ted" She cries. "Do you really seriously think that would have been an easy thing for me to do?" "All right fine" I say not wanting to argue with her any further. "I'll be there in a bit" I search everywhere but I cannot find my key's anywhere. I tear down the entire house looking for my keys, only to find that they are safely attached to my key chain which is around my ring finger.

"Damnit!" I shriek. No time to be embarrassed or to even question whether I am in my right mind or any of that shit. I need to be at the hospital with my wife. I panic when I realize that maybe hospital visits are going to be a normal part of everyday life from now on. I rush out to my car. I don't care about the speed limit, I drive as fast as I can, I am unable to pay attention to the fact that a police car is at my tale end, or maybe it is just that I don't give a fuck. "Oh shit" I yell loudly. I pull over like a good Samaretin. The cop motions for me to come over. Just my god damn fucking luck it is the exact same cop that busted our frat when Mac and Kelly called them to say we were being too loud. "I'm going to have to write you a couple tickets" He says. "God damnit!" I snap, "I can't do this right now. My wife's had a medical emergency, I have to visit her, I have to be with her" I am crying and their's really nothing more embarrassing then crying in front of a police officer, but I cannot stop.

"I'm very sorry to hear that" He says, "But I still have to write three tickets, for the three demerits" "First of all you sped, and you ran a red light, and you didn't pull over right away"

"Are you fucking serious?" I snap. He raises his eye brow and his mouth forms a straight line.

"That will be four demerits" He says, "Let me see your drivers license" "Fine" I say reluctantly handing it over. "Nice to see you again Teddy" He says smiling. "So I'm off the hook?"

"Hell no" He says. "That will be $400 sir"

"Fine!" I say, "Whatever, fine" I throw a wad of cash at him. "I really got to go, this aught to cover it" I say. "Hold on there son" He says, "Drive safely, or next time it's going to be more then just a ticket" "Fine" I say hastily, "Can't this wait?"

"Whatever" He says, "Have a good rest of the night, and Teddy?" "I go by Ted now" I say. I know with all the anxiety I am feeling about my wife, the last thing I need is to be annoyed that the cop just called me Teddy, but I can't help myself, just hearing the name Teddy is shudder inducing. "Fine" The police officer says. "Be safe, do you think you can do that for me?" "Yes sir" I say lamely. My phone suddenly goes off again. It's Brooke again.

"Brooke?" I ask.

"Sorry no" Damnit it's Vychtouriyah again. I guess she still has Brooke's phone.

"Where are you?" She asks. "I'm on my way." I say, I then get into my car and drive, luckily no other cops are there to pull me over, but I do have a hell of a time finding a parking spot. My phone blares off again. It says Brooke again but I'm not going to fall for that, "Hey me again" Vychtouriyah says.

"Are you there yet?" She asks. "Just parked my car" I say, I head over to the emergency room. I can't believe she just expects us to go back to being good friends as if she didn't walk out on me and tell me she wanted a real man. I think I'm probably about as much of a real man as they get, so I have no idea what she could have been talking about. As I enter the ER, Vyctouriyah, is the first person I see. She is sitting in the waiting room, hugging her knees tightly to her chest. She appears to be on the verge of tears.

"Ted" She cries, "Oh thank god Ted you're here" With that she get's up from her seat, throws her arms around me and sobs. What does she think she's doing? "Oh Ted!" She sobs, she melts into my body sobbing. It's hard to back away from her when she appears so vulnerable. I do not want to comfort her, first of all, she's my ex girlfriend and I'm married, secondly, she was a complete bitch when she broke up with me so how dare she expect me to be kind to her? And thirdly she's only known Brooke for a day, not even, she's only known her for maybe two hours at most, so what gives her the right to sob about her like they are really great friends all of a sudden? "Oh Ted hold me" She moans. It is really weird, she must have known Brooke and I were together, other wise she wouldn't think to call me, but I suppose she did refer to her as my ex girlfriend. 'Your ex girlfriend you know' I back away very fast.

"Damnit Vychtouriyah" I snap. "NO! No I won't hold you! On top of how bitchy you were to me, and this making it all about you shit when it has nothing to do with you, I'm married, doesn't the ring on my finger give that away at all? Brooke, my ex girlfriend you know is actually my wife god damnit. Vychtouriyah wipes the tears from her eyes.

"Oh Ted" She says, covering her eyes. "I had no idea, I didn't know"

"It's okay Vychtouriyah" I snap irritably. "How would you have known that? And what gives you the right to cry over her as if the two of you are best friends ever?" "It doesn't matter" She sobs, "It was very disturbing, she's so sick they moved her to the ICU." The intensive care unit. My eyes turn as wide as dinner plates and I mean that in the least literal sense possible. I suddenly jolt away from her and start heading to the ICU, which is god fucking damnit on the other side of the building on the fifth floor. I do not want to take the elevator, the last thing I want is to be stuck in a tiny room with other people, while I try to or rather pretend to wait patiently while everyone get's off. I quickly turn around to face Vychtouriyah.

"I suppose I owe you a pretty big thank you" I say. "Thank's for finding my wife, and I'm sorry I got mad at you for waiting so long to make a call" "By the way" She says, she hands me Brooke's phone, "Take this" I take it right away. It is already 5:30 and 5:30 is apparently rush hour in the emergency room. It is also the time when the housekeepers start serving dinner and I suppose also around the time when a whole group of new people are rushed in on stretchers. I have to weave my way through the crowed. I try very hard not to bump into everyone, it would be very rude of me and also quite a mess if I bumped into one of the dinner treys and made everything spill. Screw that! I think to myself, Brooke is in the ICU god fucking damnit. I hurry passed the gift shop, I almost consider getting her a little something like maybe a teddy bear, but their's really nothing more corny and hallmark original movieish then getting someone a teddy bear when they're sick. I bolt over to the far end of the hospital where their is a stair case. The good thing about being a model is it really keeps a person in shape. I am able to run up all four flights of stairs without losing my breath, all though I am slightly out of breath when I reach the fifth case of stairs. I huff and puff like the big bad wolf over to the front desk. "I'm here to see Brooke Sanders" I say, "Brooke Sanders eh?" The receptionist says. She then begins scrolling down her computer.

"Room 580 E Wing" She says. "You're in luck, visiting hours have just begun. "E wing?" I ask panting. Just my luck, it is on the far end of the ward. As I scout out E wing and am heading towards Brooke's room I notice a female nurse is monitoring the hall.

"Excuse me" I say, "I'm a little lost here, could you tell me where Brooke Sanders is?" I am really confused because the rooms are only labeled 500 to 517. "Where is 580" She giggles a little,

"I'm sorry" She says, "It's in kind of in an obscure location. Follow me" When we get to room 580 a male doctor is standing outside. It says on his name tag that he is a neurologist. My stomach turns a back flip. "Oh no!" I think. "Oh fucking no"

"Excuse me" He says, "Are you here to visit Brooke?" "Yes" I say, "I'm her husband."

"There's something I'd like to show you" He says. He takes out a couple of slides of her brain which he says are EMG scan. I Cover my mouth. "What does all this mean?" I cry. "It means she has Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis other wise known as ALS" He says. "ALS?" I cry, "What even is that?" "It's more commonly referred to as Lou Gehrig's disease you've heard of that haven't you?" "I have not" I say, although I am very vaguely familiar with the baseball player Lou Gehrig. "What's going to happen to her?" I cry. "Is she going to get better?" huge lumps form in my throat. He doesn't answer right away, and that is really making me nervous. "Would you like to see her?" He asks. I guess that question is going to be left unknown for the time being.

"Yeah" I'd like that. I learn that I am crying again, I open the door, Brooke is sitting on her bed, I expected her to be rocking back and forth on her bed bawling her eyes out, but she is not. She is just sitting their very still, with a blank look on her face. "Hey" I say waving my hand in front of her face. She doesn't say a thing. "Brooke you okay?" I ask. She looks right through me and I am scared to death that maybe this is because of her disease. I know that it's affecting her brain, but I don't know how, or what part of her brain is affected, but I am almost certain she is gone. Panic rushes through me.

"I'm just trying to process all this" She finally says. "I just feel so numb, physically and emotionally." I realize for a fact that she must be in terrible shock. "I feel cold, nothing" She says, her voice comes out sounding dark, cold and dreary. It is the same eerie sadness I recognized from our honeymoon or maybe on the other hand, I do not recognize it. I don't think I've ever seen her so sad and vulnerable. There is also just something about her hospital room that is adding to the whole sadness factor, it is just so empty, the walls, beds and night stand are all the same color, a depressive grayish white. "So I guess the doctors told you about your disease" She nods her head slowly. "What did they say?" I ask. She then closes her lips and stares out the window, her eyes are very empty. She is an empty shell of a human being. "Brooke?" I ask,

"When did they tell you?" I ask.

"A while ago" She says. She's not going to give me answers it doesn't seem like and I need answers, I'm going to have to be her full time care giver god damnit. I need to know what the fuck is wrong with her. Thankfully the neurologist is still outside in the hall.

"What is Lou Gehrig's Disease?" I ask him instantly. I really don't feel much like being polite. I really don't care that he is in the middle of a conversation with one of the RN's. I am usually better with social skills, but right now is not one of those moments.

"Excuse me young man" The RN says, "That was very rude" I really don't feel like apologizing.

"You really expect me to be polite right now? What in the fuck is Lou Gehrig's disease?" I apologize instantly.

"Hang in there son" The neurologist says. "I'm busy talking" I nervously begin biting my fingernails. What have I gotten myself into with this marriage? My leg jolts on complete accident and I end up kicking a wall.

"Hey, don't do that son" The RN says, "The walls are very thin"

"I'm sorry" I say folding my arms across my chest, "I really didn't mean to do that"

"Fine" He says, "Well you did and now I'm telling you to please not do it again" The RN then just continues chatting nonstop with the neurologist. I can not make a word out of what they are saying, but I know for a fact that they are talking about my wife. I tune them out completely even though that is the absolute last thing in the world I want to do. In what seems like hours the RN get's up and leaves in order to start his next shift.

"All right son" The neurologist says. "Talk to me"

"What's wrong with my wife?" I ask, "Like what happened to her?"

"I'm afraid she just has a serious case of bad luck"

"Like I've never even heard of Lou Gehrig's Disease" I cry pressing my hands gently on my hips. "What even is it?" I am so anxious to get the answer that it's not even funny. "What your wife is suffering from is a degenerative brain disease," There is something very unsettling about the word degenerative, it is so often used as a slur against people who are stupid. "So she's like stupid?" I ask suddenly realizing that I have been using my lizard brain. "Oh God" I say, "That's not what I meant at all, that was a terrible question"

"No worries" He says, "Her condition is one that is affecting the motor neuron's in her brain as well as the spinal cord" Now it all makes perfect sense. She wasn't trying to sabotage the wedding at all. I swear I will never assume things like that ever again. "How did this happen to her?" I ask, "And more importantly why?" For as long as I've known Brooke, she's been about as healthy as you can get, the closest thing I've seen to her being sick was when she was hungover or roofied. "She's never been sick a day in her life" I say, which I'm not sure is true or not, I'm sure she's gotten plenty of head colds like everyone else in the world she's not some magical being or something.

"That's the thing about ALS" He says, "It can happen to anyone at any time" I panic. Maybe this is all just karma, maybe she was somehow getting punished for her awesome health. I push that thought far away from my mind, it's stupid.

"But she's going to be okay right doc?" I ask. "I'm going to have to be realistic with you here son, I don't mean to scare you or anything, I'm just trying to prepare you. She's going to get progressively worse" "Like when?" I ask, "In a matter of days, weeks years?" "It is different in every patient" He says. "But is guaranteed that it's going to happen"

"Please tell me theirs a cure! Please? Please?" I beg. I feel like a stupid idiot practically on my knees begging. He stares off into the distance. I know this can't be good. "Oh my god, there is no cure is there?" I cry. "So what am I just supposed to wait until it get's the point where she turns into a complete vegetable. He clears his throat "That's actually one of the most interesting things about Lou Gerhig's disease" He says.

"What is?" I cry. "It affects the parts of the brain that control voluntary movement, and it pretty much shuts down the entire body, but one part of her brain she will not be losing is her thinking brain, she'll continue to be very smart and with it" There's something about that, that makes the whole thing seem even sadder. It makes me feel terrible that she is going to have to watch her entire body shut down and be fully conscious and aware then entire time. "So there's really no cure?" I ask,

"There are millions of drugs that will be used to slow down the process, but I'm afraid no one has come up with a cure yet. The good news is, if her disease is under control, she could still very well live a very fulfilling life. There have been many successful people with the disease. Are you familiar with Stephan Hawking?" I have heard of him briefly, but it had never crossed my mind that he had the same disease, my wife was going to have. "Yeah" I say, "Isn't he like one of the smartest men alive" "Proves my point very nicely" "How much about her disease, does she know?" I ask, "Not very much yet" He tells me, "I think maybe it's best for me to just let it sink in that she has a terrible disease" "You got to break it to her now" I tell her, "I'm sure she's just as curious as we all are" I say this even though I am really not so sure my self whether it has sunk in for her. "So um, is she going to get to go home? You got her diagnosed why is she in the ICU?" "I hate to say this" The doctor says, "But she's really not doing well? She's in terrible shape, her heart rate's really low, she can't even breathe without help. I'm afraid we're going to have to keep her over night" He says. That's pretty much the story of my life these days, Brooke has some medical emergency and has to stay over night in the hospital. Oh my god! I suddenly think, that's going to be the story of my life forever. What have I gotten myself into with this marriage? I wonder to myself for maybe the fifty billionth time.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Brooke

Vychtouriyah puts her hand on my shoulder. "A helicopter's going to come pick you up" She tells me, "Hang in there" I choke on my own saliva.

"Wait what?" I ask. "Why a helicopter? Why not an ambulance?"

"I don't know" Vychtouriya says, "Maybe because it's a really big emergency" I break into fresh tears because the idea of riding in a helicopter sounds unreasonably excruciating. Vychtouriyah tries to comfort me by stroking my back, I jolt away really fast. I do not want her comforting me, or even touching me.

I instantly feel kind of bad because she is honest to god a perfectly decent human being. I really want to hate her because instinctively I know I'm supposed to, but she's being so nice to me that I can't. She hands me a couple of tissues. "Thanks" I say.

"One for your eyes and one for your leg" She says, she begins wiping the blood off, it continues pouring out of my leg and it's too be expected, I did just slash it with a very sharp shard of glass, and I realize at once what a stupid idea that was. I am starting to become dizzy, I mean even dizzier then I am already feeling from the blood loss, and let's just say the feelings in my legs have not returned. I let out another blood curdling scream. I'm surprised that no one else heard me scream or that no one else is using the bathroom for that matter. No, I am stuck in there with only Vychtouriyah. The same Vychtouriyah who I pictured as being a jealous hater, but maybe I'm the one who's the jealous hater of her, and who knows? Maybe she's just trying to be polite, maybe when it's all over she's going to go gossip about me to all her new friends that used to be my friends.

"Shh shh shh" she says, she then wraps her arm around my shoulder and I let her, I fucking let her. "It's okay" She coaxes.

"No!" I shriek. "I can't, I can't, I can't" I am suddenly fixated on those two words, "I can't" Vychtouriyah gets up and gathers a bunch of wet paper towels from the dispenser as well as a couple of dry ones. She very slowly wipes up the excess blood on my leg with one of the wet towels.

"Wow girl" She says. "I cannot believe you did that, not that I've never seen a model slit before, they can be such messes of human beings, but they mostly slit their wrists, not their entire leg, good god girl." Didn't I tell her what was going on, I'm pretty sure I did, doesn't she have ears "I just want to feel something in my legs" I repeat, not understanding why that is such a difficult concept for her to understand. Right away the door swings open.

"What is going on Brooke and Vychtouriyah?" Candy asks, a couple of other girls who stayed late are very closely behind. Unfortunately they just so happen to be the two girls who had called me a fucking klutz. Candy is right away spotting the broken mirror, she then see's the bloody shard of glass sitting next to me on the ground. God damnit I am caught. "My god Brooke what did you do?" I am too busy crying to answer her. The blood is oozing out of my numb leg.

"Oh my god Brooke" She says, I can tell by the sound of her voice, that she feels very guilty, and why shouldn't she? "This isn't what it looks like" I sob. "I can't feel my legs, I was trying to feel something" The two other girls seem very uncomfortable, one of them is in tears.

"All right girls" She says, to Vychtouryiah and the other two, "Go ahead and clear out, you are free to go" "I called a helicopter for her already" Vychtouriyah says, "I'm coming with her" I right away think I know what she wants" She knows Ted is going to be there, she wants to get back with him. I really should have told her that I was married and I am a stupid idiot for not. "You will do no such thing" I snap bitterly, "You are not coming with me" I wipe my tears. "I mean, I'm sorry fine you can come" "Brooke sweetie" Candy asks placing her soft hand on my shoulder. "Can you get up?" I shake my head. "I can't feel my legs" I say again, I can't believe I have to spell it out for her again.

"I think she's seriously paralyzed" Vychtouriyah cries. "Well first off, let's get this wound fixed." She holds a blue towel under the faucet. "Vychtouriyah clear out" She says. She then tightly wraps up my wounded leg. "It's not what it looks like" I say again.

"I know sweetie" She says. "Do you feel anything now?" She asks. I shake my head and let tears spill down my cheeks. My leg should feel very wet right now, it should at least feel cold or hot depending on the water temperature she used, but I can't even feel that,

"C'mon" She says. She then scoops me up in her arms and carries me like a new born. I swear she is really strong. Vychtouriyah and the two other girls is waiting out in the hall for us. "The helicopter is here" She announces.

"How strong are you?" Candy asks Vychtouriyah. Vychtouriyah looks confused but Candy doesn't give her any time to recover. "Here" She says handing me over to Vychtouriyah, "You take her"

"Brooke, Vychtouriyah, Wait" says one of the girls, I think she is either black, Asian or Costa Rican it's really hard to tell.

"I'm sorry I called you a klutz okay?" She says, she seems really upset. "I, I didn't know it was so serious" "Hey don't worry about it" I say. I can see why she was mad. It is making me very dizzy having Vychtouriyah carry me outside, if this is what's making me dizzy then I don't know how I'm going to handle the helicopter ride. I begin sobbing.

"It's okay" Vyctouriyah says. Who does she think she is telling me it is okay? It is not okay. The helicopter stands outside the building. A male and female paramedic are standing outside. "I got her" Vychtouriyah says. "Let's get her on a stretcher." The female paramedic says. I am shaking really hard, so hard that it takes all four of the paramedics to hold me down. "Wait" Vychtouriyah calls out. "I'm coming too"

"Fine" The female paramedic says. She turns to me, "It's going to be really loud in the helicopter, so I'm just going to get some information from you now. What's your name sweetie?" She asks. "Brooke Sanders" I say, still shaking uncontrollably, I am unable to talk "How old are you Brooke Sanders?" She asks me, I don't really see why any of this matters but I suppose, maybe it's just a routine part of her everyday career.

"I'm 25" I say still shuddering. "Brooke Sanders" She says, "Will you hold still while I take your vitals?" "I don't know if I can" I say, "Well just try your best then" She says, "Are you cold sweetie? Would you like a blanket" I nod "Here you are" she says, "Just try to relax" she places a stethoscope to my chest. I shudder. "Cold?" she asks. "Just a little" I say. which is a huge lie it is freezing "What you getting?" The female paramedic asks.

"Bradycardia which means" "Slow heart beat" I'm able to get out. It's becoming harder and less comfortable to breathe by the second. "Very slow, you are one smart cookie" she tells me, "You graduate from medical school?" "Not exactly" I say still breathlessly as ever, "Well that's pretty good, I'd like you to roll over on your side" I do as he was told, she presses the stethoscope to my back, I shudder again.

"Sorry to startle you. You okay?" "Yeah, I'm just cold" I lie. "Could you take a deep breath?" I attempt to breathe, my chest feels tighter by the second. Tears of frustration run down my cheeks. "You okay?" She asks again. "I can't "I moan. I huff and puff, "You can't breathe?" She asks. I shake my head. "Do you think you can try again?" She asks, I shake my head, as if breathing is the most excruciating thing in the world. "That's okay sweetie" She says, "Let me take your temperature, could you open your mouth for me?" I reluctantly open my mouth and let her place the thermometer under my tongue.

"Close your lips please" She instructs. I do what I am told. She pats me on the cheek. "This will take a while" She says, "Why don't you count backwards from 20" I do as I am told. "All done" She says removing the thermometer from my mouth. She shakes it and frowns as she looks at it.

"Do I have a fever?" I ask breathlessly, "No sweetie" She says, "No fever, but you're temperature is actually a little bit bellow average." "What does that mean?" I ask, "Like what's wrong with me?" She doesn't exactly answer.

"Your friend told me you lost some feeling in your legs" She then takes out a little hammer.

"This is a reflex hammer" She tells me, She taps me lightly on the knee. "Did you feel that sweetie?" She asks. She needs to stop calling me sweetie, it's really unsettling. I shake my head, I didn't feel a thing. "I'll try again" She says, she gives me another tap, this time a little harder, still nothing. "Nothing" I say. She continuously scribbles down notes. She then hands it to the male paramedic "Hey doc" the second male paramedic says into his radio. "We got a caucasion white 25 year old female, she's suffering from low pulse rate, bradycardia, difficulty breathing, low body temperature and loss of sensation in her legs" He is silent for a while.

"U'huh" he says. "Okay" he is silent again, "Okay I'll let them know" He then turns off his radio and steps out of the helicopter "That was the head of the ER" He says, "He says he'd like to transfer you to a neurologist" My mouth suddenly goes all dry.

"A, a what?" I ask, "A doctor that specializes in disorders of the nervous system" He answers. "No!" I sob. "Please no!" "Hey no time left" another female paramedic says, "We got to get her to the hospital ASAP!" The four paramedics start carrying me onto the stretcher. Vychtouriyah sits in the back seat with her arms across her chest.

"Is she okay?" She asks the paramedics. "Afraid not" One of the males says. He turns to the rest of the crew, "All right looks like everybody's here let's go" I feel a twist in my heart, I can not fathom the idea of being in a helicopter. I don't want to fathom it. I already feel exceedingly dizzy while they are lifting my stretcher "I let out a loud singular sob. "It's going to be all right" They assure me. Once they get me in the helicopter, I am already bothered by the loud noise and shaking of the ground. I feel a splitting migraine, I let out another single sob, but it goes unnoticed. "Everyone in?" The paramedic at the front wheel asks.

"All in" The paramedic says. I am shaking so hard my teeth are shattering, I'm afraid if I keep the chattering up much longer my teeth will fall out. "Would you like another blanket?" He asks me. I nod. The sounds of the helicopter are getting more and more excruciating by the second. "All right time for take off" The pilot announces. Everything is literally spinning out of control, it feels like going on an amusement park ride after being really drunk and stoned. That was something I did quite a lot in college and it was always really fun back in the day, maybe it also had something to do with the whole knowing why I was so out of control. But this time, who knows why I am feeling so out of it, apparently it is a brain thing apparently I am being sent to a neurologist, just that thought alone causes the room to spin even harder. It is just like the time I went on the octopus (Spider?) ride with Whitney and Brittany after taking a bunch of pot, alcohol and some other shit, maybe a little robotussin. Hey we were idiots back then, but that was Freshman Year of college, I'm not sure how, but somehow I ended up being the only one who threw up.

"B'Bucket" I stammer. "Got one right here" Vychtouriyah says. Tears are streaming down her cheeks, and I can't figure out why other then the obvious fact that it is disturbing. I let a male paramedic place me to upright position while Vychtouriyah holds the bucket up to my mouth. As sick as I feel, I am unable to throw up, I can't get a single thing out. It's one of the worst things ever. "I can't" I cry. It's weird, I had no trouble throwing up earlier today.

"False alarm?" The paramedic yells to me. "Yeah" I say, I really feel like gagging, so it is shocking that I haven't thrown up. "That's good" The tiny room is spinning so hard that it looks like there are multiples of the one paramedic. I try closing my eyes. Shit that makes it even worse. I open my eyes again and grasp on to the bucket. I know for a fact that I am going to throw up this time, but I don't, not really any way, unless you count a tiny thread of saliva. My stomach throbs. I think maybe I feel even worse then I had felt on the airplane. "We're landing" "No!" I cry. "No, No, No!" "It's okay" One of the paramedic's says, "Deep breaths" I find myself completely unable to breathe, like extreme shortness of breathe times 50 billion.

"Breathe sweetie" The female paramedic says, "You gotta breathe" "I can't" I sob. "We're almost there" She keeps re assuring me. I think somewhere during the moment we landed I must have passed out. The next thing I know, I am back in the hospital, the tube placed in my nose is making me really feel like gagging, like the nausea needed to have gotten any worse.

"Hello Brooke Sanders" A tall brunette man dressed up in a suit says to me. "My name is Dr. Taylor, Timothy Taylor, I'm the neurologist, you can call me Tim if you'd like" I gulp. Such a frightening word neurologist. "I got some of your general information" He tells me. "Are you up for some exams?" He asks. There's something about that word that just scares the shit out of me, I've always had severe test anxiety, whether it was a calculus exam, the SAT's the ACT's, standardized testing, a blood test, or an IQ test. Tests are frightening. "What kind of exams?" I manage to choke out, my throat is feeling very dry.

"Will this involve needles?" I ask, not that I have any problem's with needles or anything.

"No" He says, "No needles" And speaking of needles, suddenly the feeling of hot needles in my legs returns with a vengence. "Oh god" I cry. "Needles" "Nope" He says, "No needles, this is more of a hands on kind of exam" "No, no, no" I say, "Needles, my legs" I then burst into sobs. "Your legs feeling tingly?" He asks me. I nod. A singular tear rolls its way down my left cheek. "I hate to tell you this kid" He says,

"But that's normal" "What?" I ask. "Feeling tingly after numbness" He says, "It happens, just means it's woken up" "It's not the normal tingly" I explain. "It's way more intense." "You mean like pins and needles?" Now that I think about it yes, exactly like pins and needles. "That can be a very common symptom of neurological damage."

"Oh god" I say putting my hand over my mouth. "Brooke?" He says, "Would you mind stepping up from this table for me?" "Why?" I ask. "I have had a number of patients who complain about pins and needles, and for a lot of them it get's worse when they stand up"

"Can you get up from there?" He asks. I dangle my legs. "You all right? You need help?" He asks. "Thanks" I say, I let him stretch out his hand and pull me down from the table. As soon as I stand upright, a shock like no other rushes through my body. It is not just my legs that feels the shock, it is my entire body, it feels like a hot or maybe cold electrical knife is being stabbed through my body.

"Oh my god" I cry, "Oh god" "You all right?" He asks again. I shake my head. He jots down a couple of notes on yellow paper. "I, I need to sit down" I cry. He pulls up a chair for me. "Have a seat then he says" I slowly sit my self down and an even bigger shock rushes through my body like I have been struck by lightning, I imagine it would feel something like that, "Oh shit!" I cry.

"Oh shit" My whole body feels like it has been zapped and burnt. It nauseates me, but once again I am unable to vomit.

"You okay?" he asks.

"I'll be okay" I lie. He pulls up a chair and sits across from me.

"So, ready for the exam?" He asks. I think I know what he probably wants me to do, "I'm probably supposed to count backwards from 100, walk across a line of tape like it is a tightrope, stick my arms out in front of me, name the president of the united states, and name all the state capitals is that right" He chuckles.

"You got a smart head on your shoulders girl" He says. "That is a general neurological exam, but this one's going to be a little different. I'd like to test your motor neurons. This is a procedure I have many of my patients do I'm going to do a full examination of your motor skills from head to toe, well actually in this case from toes to head." I gulp.

"You ready Brooke?" He asks me.

"Ready as I'll ever be" I say. "That's good enough" He says.

"Let's have you remove those hospital stockings" He says, I have no idea why I even have to wear those things, they're so unnecessary and not to mention, so uncomfortable, maybe they are partly responsible for all the pins and needle sensations but I somehow doubt it. He lifts up my right foot and pulls my leg in an upward position. The pins and needles sensation increases another 50 billion level. Kind of reminds me of that shocking feeling you get when you are freezing cold and jump into hot water. That kind of shock only worse.

"Oh god!" I shriek. "Sorry hon" He apologizes. A single tear runs down my right cheek

"I guess" I say, here goes nothing.

"This is going to tickle a bit" He says, which I already could have guessed. It tickles all right. I suddenly let out a random spout of laughter. "I'm sorry" He says,

"I warned you" I suddenly am overcome by gut wrenching laughter. I have never laughed so hard about being tickled in my life, and it wasn't even in my most ticklish under the arm pit spot. I start laughing so hard my chest feels tight, yet I can not stop, I can't help it. I honestly can't help it. I am suddenly panting for breath, but the uncontrollable laughter won't die down.

"Hey" Tim says jostling me. "I'm not even tickling you anymore, why you still laughing?" Maybe he thinks I'm doing this on purpose in order to get his goat but the truth is I honestly can't help it.

"I can't help it" I manage to get out.

"You can't can you?" He asks. I shake my head. By the way I am laughing one would very possibly assume that I am getting tickled to death, but I am not. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see that Tim looks very concerned. He looks from me to his notepad then jots down some notes. After what seems like a really long time I am finally able to stop laughing, it is after all not a serious matter, if the neurologist is concerned then it must be something really bad. "All right no more tickling then" He says.

"Let's try a different tactic. He grabs what I recognize as the percussion hammer, the one I had just seen before I was helicoptered to the hospital. "All right" He says, "I'm going to lightly tap your toes with this percussion hammer, you with me?"

"Sure" I say. I don't feel like rocking to boat at all, so I don't say a single word about how he seemed worried about my fit of hysterical laughter. Maybe that really was something to be worried about, but I am too scared to find out.

"All right serious business now" He says, he gently taps my big foot, it doesn't seem to want to move, my foot feels numb and heavy just like my legs earlier today, I don't know where that numbness had come from, after all I had clearly felt something earlier when I had that chronic laughing spell. "You can't wiggle it?" He asks. I shake my head, it won't move at all, it just stays limp.

"So you couldn't move it forward" He says, "Why don't you try moving it up and down, can you do that for me?"

"I'll try." I say, "Atta girl" He says giving me a generous pat on the shoulder. I start moving my toe in a downward position and it ends up curling under, it is too weak for me to set it straight. Tim jots down more and more notes. I make another attempt to move my toe up and down, but it doesn't seem to want to stay up, every time I try it goes back to curling up again.

"All right moving on" Tim says, "I'm going to check your feet." I am so out of it that I have totally spaced most everything out, but now, now he's going to test my swallowing abilities, which means he's going to push on different parts of my throat and make me swallow on cue. Can anyone swallow on cue? Seriously. Gag! He places his index finger on the front middle part of my neck.

"Swallow" He says. I try to swallow but it is especially hard with the doctor pressing on my throat. "Very delayed swallowing reflex"He observes.

"That doesn't sound good" I cry. "Let's see what we get for the other parts of your neck" He then places his index finger very hard against the very upper part of my neck. It really feels sensitive there, so sensitive I jump. "Sorry to startle you" Tim says. "Ready, set, swallow" He says, right away I am unable to swallow right away, and I somehow don't think it has much to do with motor neurons unless of course it does.

"Again that was very delayed"

"Oh no" I say. I can not think of anything else to say.

"not to worry though" He says, "it's not bad enough to cause alarm, what does cause alarm however, is the difficulty you had with the movement in your feet and ankle area" "I hate to say this but you failed every part of the that test" "I don't think this is good Brooke Sanders" He says,

"You may have ALS, but we need to jump through another hoop before we can finally confirm the diagnosis. "What kind of hoop?" I ask, I know I am trembling like crazy once again. "In order to confirm ALS, I'm going to need to do an EMG of the activity of motor neuron's in your brain." I don't know what ALS is nor do I know what an EMG is but I am terrified to ask. "I'm going to real quick order the test" He says, he picks up his pager, "My nurse will be in here momentarily." he let's me know, I am aching to ask the question,

"What is ALS," but I am very afraid. I don't remember ever feeling so afraid in my life. It is too late, the words suddenly slip off my tongue.

"Well Brooke I'm glad you asked" Dr. Tim says. "ALS or Lou Gehrig's Disease, is a condition that effects the motor neurons in the brain and spinal cord"

"Am I?" I ask, my tongue feels really dry, "Am I going to be okay?" I ask. "I'm going to have to be realistic with you" He tells me. "No" He says. "It's what we like to refer to as a progressive degenerative disease" All those new medical terms sound frightening to me. I swallow hard. "Which means what?" I ask. "Degenerative means a disease that causes the brain or in the case of an ALS patient the neurons in the brain to start dying, and progressive means it will happen very gradually. As I've said before, you have a lot of weakness in your feet area, but the weakness will gradually make it's way up to your body." So that must have been why he preformed the test from toe to head, maybe he suspected ALS all along. "There's something else that concerned me" He says.

"What's that?" I ask even though I really don't want to know. "It's a very rare symptom of Lou Gehrig's Disease, but often times patients are unable to control things like laughter. They also may have a strong sensitivity to things like being tickled." Tears fill my eyes. I knew he was concerned about that, but I had no idea why, but apparently it IS a symptom to something. A symptom to the frightening disease I have. That same feeling of shock seeps through my body once again, this time more like 10 electrical knives are stabbing me through the back.

"Hopefully, you will test negative for this." Just there is a knock on the door and the young nurse lets herself in. "I got the test you ordered" She announces. She pulls up a chair and scoots up next to me. "Have you done this before?" She asks. I shake my head.

"All right Brooke" She says, "Here's what we're going to do." She takes out a needle. A very long needle I must add. "This is just like a blood test" She tells me, "Same kind of procedure anyway, only this is one where we test the nerve cells through your muscle, you can think of it as a blood test that goes much deeper into the body, and their's more needles, I see that she has other needles too. I gulp." The next thing I know I am being hooked up to needles which are hooked up to a machine of some sort. The machine I just hooked you up to is called an

"oscilloscope, it is used to record the nerve activity that's going on." I gulp again.

"You okay?" The nurse asks me.

"Too many needles" I say. "This won't take long" She says, "I promise" And she is right, It doesn't take long at all. "You're all ready to go Brooke" She says, "You did very well, we'll have your tests in about an hour, why don't you wait outside in the waiting room" Vychtouriyah is scrunched up on a chair, her face is wet with tears.

"Their's something you need to know" She cries. "The reason I came with you on the helicopter is because" She stops mid sentence.

"Because what Vychtouriyah?" I ask. "Because I feel responsible?" "What why?" I ask. "I mean what does any of this have anything to do with you?" Vyctouriyah blows her nose loudly into the tissue. "When Ted talked about you, I felt so jealous of you that I really started to hate you, to despise you as a matter a fact, and sometime's I would fantasize about you having a deadly disease, it made me feel better, but honestly I didn't want it to come true. And now it did, and it's all because I wished for it, I didn't mean any harm, I was just jealous because" Her lip and chin both start to quiver. "Because I always wanted what you had with Ted, but I never came close. You're obviously his favorite that's why he got married to you" I want to say something comforting like that it wasn't her fault and that, that really wasn't the way things worked in real life, but instead the exact opposite is what pops out of my mouth. "Fuck you Vychtouriyah" I say. Vychtouriyah looks flabbergasted. "Oh shit, I'm sorry" I say. "It's really not your fault, and maybe you have nothing to feel sorry about, maybe their's nothing wrong with me" Although I say this, I do not believe it at all. For some odd reason, I keep saying the exact opposite of what I planned on saying, I just want to kick myself. Just then the nurse pokes her head through the door. "Brooke Sanders?" She says. "I just got your test results" I get up and Vychtouriyah follows me, I guess she is just as curious as me about my diagnosis./span/p

"What you got?" I ask. "Positive" She says. I suddenly feel that shock rush through my body once again, but that isn't the only terrible feeling, my head feels all static like static on the TV screen, everyone's voices become lost in the static. Maybe I haven't heard her right, maybe she really said negative. "Wh'what?" I ask. "Positive" She announces her voice sounds all muffled and has a kind of puppet/robotic feel to it. I really wish I was sitting down, black splotches are meeting the front of my eyes. "Are you okay?" Vychtouriyah asks me, putting her hand on my shoulder, her voice too sounds flat and robotic and muffled due to the horrible static. Before I know it I can feel myself start to fall backwards and I am unable to stop the fall. I land down very hard on my head and I am out 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 4: Ted

I have to say, this has got to be the worst Christmas eve in my life and believe me I've been through a long line of shitty Christmas eves which I'd rather not get into at the moment. How terrible for me to find out that my wife has a (How did the doctor put it?) degenerative brain disease on Christmas eve. Worst Christmas present ever for both of us. The doctors have declared it bed time for all the patients, which means I will not be seeing Brooke until she get's released at 11. Brooke's doctor has asked me to sit in the waiting room, and here

I am tuned into AMC's all day marathon of it's a Wonderful Life. What a fucking lie, it is not a wonderful life it's a terrible life. I've never actually seen the movie, but I know the basic gist of it. Some guy meets an angel who shows him what life would be like if he was never born. I swear that classic has been done to death. My mind wanders off and I begin to wonder what would happen if I was in George Bailey's place. Maybe if I never existed then Brooke wouldn't have Lou Gehrig's Disease. I mentally scratch out that thought. The reason why she has Lou Gehrig's Disease has nothing to do with me or whether or not I exist. The only thing stopping her from getting the disease would be a little thing called the Butterfly effect, which was featured in a different movie starring Ashton Kutcher. But there was no butterfly effect in the movie

"It's A Wonderful Life" In that movie it all had to do with the absence of one person and even more sadly, there is no butterfly effect in real life, well there is of course it's been discovered by many great scientists, but time travel isn't possible in this day and age. Even if it were possible, there is most likely no way going back in time could cure her disease. Apparently it was just meant to happen no matter what. Chills run down my spine. I have totally spaced out the movie, but it looks like it is at the end. George Bailey has just gotten his second chance of life it looks like and is running around the neighborhood saying hello to everyone and everything. "Hello House! Hello Snow!" I look down at the time,

"It is only 8:00" How am I going to be able to sleep? The movie plays over and over the way it always does on Christmas, and with each play, I pay no attention. I guess I did end up falling into a dreamless sleep, because the next thing I know someone is jostling me. One of Brooke's nurses presumably

"Your wife is ready to go home" she tells me.

"Oh yeah thanks" I say, I quickly realize that my life will never be the same. Christmas day is depressing for a lot of people for a lot of reasons, but this Christmas is already on it's way to being the most depressing ever. The nurse taps me on the shoulder.

"You remember where her room is right?" She asks me. I shake my head. I do in fact remember what number her room is, but it is in such an obscure location.

"All right follow me" She says. I slowly open Brooke's door. She is all dressed and looks beautiful, she is ready to go, but it appears that she hasn't moved a single centimeter since the last time I saw her. She is rocking back and fourth and I know right away that her state of shock has warn off and now she is traumatized. "Brooke hey" I say waving my hand in her face. Her eyes look very empty.

"Hey C'mon" I say, "We're supposed to be at Christmas dinner at 1:00." Brooke continues to not say anything. "She's in shock still" The nurse tells me. "It may last for a couple days" "You mean emotional shock or physical shock?" I ask, because maybe if she is in physical shock it would be best not to take her home. "Just emotional shock" The nurse said,

"It happens to a lot of patients, but when she get's over it you're going to have to be prepared for her to start showing the five stages of grief" I vaguely remember learning about the five stages of death from the death unit of high school health and human development. Denial, Anger, Depression, Bargaining, Acceptance, or maybe it wasn't in that order, maybe anger came after depression. All I know is there is going to be a lot of grieving in the Sanders household. I my self am feeling pretty numb about all this as well, maybe I too am in shock. "Brooke, hey babe" I say, "Can you hear me sweetie?" She still doesn't respond. I clap my hands in front of her face. She doesn't even blink. "Brooke sweetie" The nurse says, "We gotta sign you out" Brooke stares at her bare feet as the nurse and I slowly help her into her slip on shoes. Her feet are very limp, dead almost "C'mon sweetie" the nurse coaxes her. "Should we get a wheelchair?" The nurse asks. The idea of her riding in a wheelchair freaks me out, because I know that that is going to become the reality. "N'no" I say hastily. "I got her" I scoop her up in my arms. She is as light as a feather, which doesn't surprise me at all. Her eyes are wide and disturbed. Once we get to the parking lot, she asks (no demands) that I put her down.

Wendy and Steve Shy live a couple suburbs outside of Las Angeles. I think the last time I was over there was the time I took Brooke to prom. It was the house Brooke grew up in, and as far as I know they still live there, at least they hadn't said otherwise on our invite. Brooke and I are in complete silence and it makes a whole lot of sense. What is there to say to someone who just got diagnosed with a life threatening illness? I remember from the death and dying unit that there are things you should absolutely never say and one of those things is,

"I know how you feel" it is something a lot of people slip up and say just for the lack of other things to say. I am not going to say that to Brooke because I don't know how she feels. I have absolutely no idea what she's going through, I can kind of get a sense of how she might feel, she is in shock. Making small talk is absolutely out of the question. How do you make small talk with someone who is potentially dying? "Do you want some music?" I ask, I suppose that counts as small talk but I let it go.

"Sure" She says staring blankly out the window. I clear my throat as if to say something else, but my throat closes up on me. An "I'm sorry you're sick" Would have been an appropriate thing to say but I'm almost scared to talk about it. All right fine, I'm really scared to talk about it, there's no almost about it. "Do you want the oldies station?" I ask, I know that is one of Brooke's all time favorites. my voice comes out sounding very dry. Brooke just stares down at the ground and shrugs. I flip through the stations until I find the oldies station. Elvis Presley's version of Deck the Halls blares from the car radio, but tis the season NOT to be jolly. Tis the season to be depressed and miserable. The whole town screams Christmas at the top of it's lungs, which I suppose makes sense seeing that it is Christmas day. The neighborhood is filled with carolers going door to door and singing merrily. I didn't know people actually still did stuff like that in this day and age. I seriously didn't know that caroling was still a thing. We finally pull up into Wendy and Steve's driveway. The entire yard is covered with christmas decors all 8 of Santa's reindeer are replicated in some kind of bronze wire and are standing in the front yard, covered in bright christmas lights. It is enough to make anyone nauseated. That is not even the half of it. Their are huge colorful lights on the facade of the house. The smell of Christmas dinner is amazing, some kind of roast, twice baked potatoes, fresh out of the oven pumpkin, and cherry pie as well as a nice evergreen scented fabreeze. It would amazing if I was actually happy, but I am not so instead it makes me feel nauseated, overwhelmed and a bit dizzy. I help Brooke out of the car and act as a crutch for her. Steve meets us out at the door way.

"Brooke, Ted" He says in his reserved as ever tone. "So nice of you to come" He doesn't sound super excited about the Holiday season, but then again, he's never been one to get excited. He is the most level headed guy I know. Instead of giving us a hug, we are met with a hand shake. He turns to Brooke. "You okay Brookie Dough?" He asks, tagging on the super annoying nick name, "You're limping" "I'm not" She says. "I'm fine." "What happened to her?" He asks me. He gives me his patented sleazy smile. "You do something to her?" He rolls his eyes. Apparently that is his idea of humor. "Just playing around with you son" He says giving me a hard punch in the back. "You're a good man, you wouldn't hurt my daughter would you?" "No sir" I say. "You better not" He says. His voice sounds very threatening, I have no idea if he's joking or not anymore, he's not the joking type obviously and that was a tasteless thing to say. How could he even suggest I hurt her? How could he even joke about it? And if he's not joking about it he's obviously being serious.

"Come on in you two" He says holding out the door for us. "Wendy's making leg of lamb, which is Brookie Dough's all time favorite Christmas dinner, isn't that right Brookie Dough?" Brooke just stares at the ground and shrugs again.

"Why so quiet?" He asks. She doesn't say a word. "C'mon in" He says. Apparently Wendy has gone all out with decorating, their is a gigantic tree covered with all kinds of decorations, including very bright lights it looks like they got it specially installed. There is a gigantic somewhat frightening Christmas Wreath hanging above the fireplace, something about it seems unsettling. There is a yule log in the fire. As we follow Steve into the kitchen, I notice that Wendy is very busy. "Wendy" Steve says,

"Brooke and Ted are here" Wendy turns around. She gives both of us a huge hug as well as a big smackaroo on the four head. "So nice to see the two of you she says. Brandy and Susan just got in yesterday. I think they're upstairs right now. She leaves the kitchen for a while and calls up the stairs to them. "Brandy, Susan, Brooke and Ted are here" Brandy walks down the stairs very slowly, she has always been a very (Pokey would be the nicest way of saying it) Person, she seems to be in no hurry to see me or Brooke, but I suppose she and Brooke didn't exactly get off on good terms the last time they saw each other. Brandy's hair is wet, most likely she just got out of the shower. She is wearing a boring old Micky Mouse T-Shirt that is way too big for her, and a pair of rugged old jeans, I'd say she would look like she just slipped out of bed, but she obviously washed her hair.

"Seriously Brandy!" Wendy scolds. "That's what you're wearing to Christmas Dinner?" "Yep" Brandy says dully. "For heavens sake Brandy" Wendy snaps, rolling her eyes and sighing at the same time. "You must have something nicer then that, we have company."

"It's only Brookie Monster and Teddy Bear" Brandy says rolling her eyes.

"Look Brandy" Wendy says, "I know you two are probably still angry at each other, but she is still a house guest and it is still Christmas eve, now go upstairs this instant and put on something fancy." "No this is fine" Brandy says folding her arms across her chest. "You're sister and brother in law got all dressed up, look at them don't they look lovely?" Brooke does look exceptionally beautiful in her velvety blue Vera Wang dress, her hair is pulled back in an old fashioned blue ribbon that is tied in a perfect bow. It matches the color of her dress. I usually don't dress in suits or comb my hair back, but I figured it would look nice. "Where is Susan anyway?" Wendy asks. "She's taking a shower" Brandy says curtly.

"Right now?" Wendy hisses. "But we have guests over, could she have picked a worse time to do that?" "Look mom" Brandy says, "We got in late last night, we slept in could you like maybe just chill the fuck out or something?" "I've never heard you talk like this" Wendy says, her voice is full of shock. "It must be that girl you married, I always thought she was a terrible influence on you." Brandy rolls her eyes and sighs at the same time. Tequila follows her down the stairs. I am once again shocked by how tall she is maybe she has gotten a couple feet taller, or maybe I just hadn't seen her in so long, and I just forgot how tall she is. She isn't exactly dressed for Christmas either, she is just wearing her normal punk goth chic, the chains and everything. Wendy folds her arms across her chest. "Hello Susan" She says bitterly. "Fuck you bitch" Tequila greets her. "Nobody calls me Susan" "Well it's your name isn't it?" Wendy asks folding her arms tightly, "I don't believe in calling someone by a name that is not their own." "It's my name you fucking bitch" She says, "I got it legally changed when I turned 21 bitch" "Tequila is a type of alcohol" "Well yeah so is Brandy" Tequila says. Wendy sighs, "Well people actually name their kids Tequila, lot's of girls are named Brandy And Tequila is a very terrible type of alcohol at that. Susan is a perfectly decent name." "I don't do sensible" She says bitterly. "And I'm not going to put on any god damn sensible cloths either" "Look Susan" She says,

"While you're a guest in this house, under my roof, you need to dress appropriately and all this black and chains is not going to suffice, go put on some nice cloths." "Hey" Steve says, "Give her a break" He turns to Tequila.

"Just lose the chains and the jewelry" He tells her. Apparently Steve is the less conservative. "Fine!" Tequila says, she the heads upstairs and gives us all the bird. "Our appetizers should be ready now" Wendy announces. The smell is nauseating. She heads into the kitchen. She comes back shortly carrying what looks like a dinner in itself. Not at all what I expected from appetizers "My famous bacon crusted cornish game hens" She says smiling widely. "And my famous lentil curry" Neither of those seem like they would go together.

"Damnit Wendy" Steve says, "Why do you always have to make so much food, no one's going to be hungry for dinner" "It's Christmas" Wendy says, "It's all about stuffing your face." "That's thanksgiving" Steve said. "I told you to go light on the appetizers. What's wrong with the cheese and crackers I bought in the pantry" "Cheese and crackers? Are you kidding me?" Wendy asks, "That's peasant food" Brandy and Tequila come down the stairs, neither of them have really gotten dressed up, Tequila has just removed all her jewelry and Brandy has added some jewelry.

"Really girls?" Wendy asks. "They look fine Wendy" Steve says. "Really Brandy" She says, "You have such a beautiful face, couldn't you at least put on a little make up? And Tequila couldn't you put on a little less?" "They're fine Wendy" Steve snaps. I feel so far removed from this conversation it's not even funny. I have always felt that way around Brooke's family. Brooke picks at her cornish game hen. "Brooke sweetie" Wendy says,

"You're not eating, are you all right?" "No!" Brooke says stirring her lentil curry around the plate. "You're not?" Wendy asks. "What's wrong?" "I'm sick" Brooke says staring at her plate. "I have Lou Gehrig's Disease" She says, everyone puts there utensils down and falls silent. "Please say something" Brooke says. No one says a thing.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 1: Brooke**

I can't stand the awkward silence coming from my family. "Please say something" I beg. It would be nice to hear some kind words from either of my parents. My mom blinks back tears. She has never been one for crying in public "When did you find out?" She asks "Yesterday" I tell her. "On Christmas Eve" My mother doesn't say a word. I let out an uncomfortable sigh. "On top of that I was fired from my job" "You were what?" My mother asks, somehow that has gotten her full attention. "Candy fired you?" "Seriously mom?" I ask, "Did you not hear what I said, I have Lou Gehrig's Disease!"

"I know honey I heard you" My mom says, she always has a way of sweeping huge things like that under the rug, but for some reason the fact that she thinks Candy firing me is a bigger deal, comes as a huge shock. Priorities she really needs to get them straight. "Modeling has been a huge part of your life since middle school" She says, "Do you want me to talk to Candy?"

"No mom" I say, my entire body is shaking. My mom throws her head back. "I mean who does she think she is firing you just because you have a disability?" My own mother is missing the point. Chronically.

"She didn't know" I tell my mom, the bitter taste of anger falls off my tongue with every word. Why is my mother doing this to me? She has always had a way about her with trying to build my confidence, and pushing me to be the absolute best person I could be. I have always been her favorite kid. By far. My mother never pushed Brandy into stuff like that. She never had much expectation of Brandy at all. My mother has said many of times that I was the only thing right in her life, Brandy, her marriage to my father and pretty much every decision she made in her life was a huge mistake. Being the only thing right in her life apparently means I have to be this is just cruel and unusual. How could that possibly be her first response? "She fired me because of my poor balance" I tell her,

"The modeling career is all about balance and all at least that's a huge part of it. If she doesn't think I can do it then I can't" "So you're just going to let this disease take over your life?" Ted interjects. He looks about ready to strangle my mother, I would love to do the same, if I had any strength, but I don't. "It's a really serious disease, she could like die" Ted says his voice full of exasperation. "Don't you dare suggest I don't know that" Wendy says, "I know that all right" "Really mom?" I ask. "We probably shouldn't have come over from Christmas dinner. I'm so sorry the one thing you actually have going for you in your life can't be perfect, I'm sorry you literally have nothing going for you" My mother places her hand against her chest, I know I have said something really cruel about my mother, but now that I got started I can not stop. I have really hurt her feelings just now, and am kind of ashamed to say, I'm glad I have.

"Brooke apologize to your mother" My father says. "And Wendy, you apologize to your daughter, what a horribly insensitive thing to say, she's just gotten diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's Disease" "I know that" Wendy says, "But that shouldn't stop her from modeling. There are lot's of disabled people who make excellent models. Lou Gehrig's Disease never stopped Steven Hawking from becoming the amazing scientist he was, nor did it stop Lou Gehrig from pursuing his life long career as famous baseball player. "He actually had to stop playing because of the disease" Ted says, "At least that's what her doctor told me" "You don't seem the slightest bit surprised" I tell my mother. "You don't seem to care at all" My mother looks like she's just been shot in the face with a paint gun. She however recovers very quickly.

"Eat your cornish game hen" She says, "You love them" "I put my fork down"

"I'm not hungry" I protest.

"Well you better be hungry" My mother says, "Because this isn't even close to the first course, we have Oatmeal soup, then my famous Waldorf Salad, then the rabbit ravioli and rabbit saddle and then finally the main course. My mother does this kind of cooking every single year for Christmas, cooking in courses, and every single time not a single person is hungry for the main course. For the record oatmeal soup is every bit as disgusting as it sounds like it would be, despite the fact that my mother says it seems weird but is actually really wonderful. Not true. Not even a little true. I don't even know why she even cooks in courses. She's not French or Italian or any of those European heritages. She is a very proud Irish woman, I'm sure that is not how they do Christmas dinner in Ireland, or how she celebrated Christmas growing up.

"May I be excused?" I ask pulling my chair away from the table, my mother opens her mouth as if to say something but I do not wait for the response, I very clumsily take off and head upstairs, falling up every single one of them. I make my way to my old bed room, and sit on the edge of my bed covered with a pink down comforter with covered with bright red roses. The way my mother is acting about my disease should have caused a huge crying spell, yet I am feeling as numb as I had when I got the diagnosis.

I stare around my room. My mother really out did herself with the design. It appears to be any little girl's dream bedroom, fancy Victorian queen bed, complete with a head and foot board a frilly mattress and even a canopy. On top of my bed, sit a pair of cuddly white deluxe teddy bears, and a big heart shaped pillow and about 9 other pillows. There are beautiful frilly white drapes, fancy white dressers, and a beautiful black toy chest. There is also a very fancy off white scallop lamp shade, an antique. There is a large oval mirror frilled with a beautiful kind of gaelic decoration. On the bed stand with my lamp shade sits an old antique music box, an even older jewelry box, and a wind up snow globe that had been in my mom's family for generations supposedly. The walls are a kind of a dull shade of pink, similar to my bed spread and are printed with little fairies and cherubs.

On the ceiling hangs a glass chandelier. There is also a beautiful old fashioned wardrobe filled with dolls made of the finest porcelain. The carpet is also pink, I'd say maybe a couple of shades pinker then my walls and bed spread. The cupboards are filled with all kinds of books from the baby sitters club series, to Jane Austen to Charles Dickens, to classics such as Little Women, Black Beauty, and The Secret Garden, to the huge selection of little golden books I had as a kid, to my old deluxe Disney collection. On the walls are fine printed pictures from modeling days, and pictures of me and Ted posing as Prom King and Queen. We looked so happy back then. in my closet is my bright red prom dress safely placed on a wooden hanger, and safely tucked away on the top shelf of my closet is my prom queen tiara, all sparkly and perfect. There is something very saddening about this room. There is a huge lump in my throat and I can not swallow it. I was a kid who got everything she wanted.

My mother would have given me the moon and the sun if she could (And how cliche does that sound?) Her whole life was devoted to me. And now in return, I got Lou Gehrig's Disease. I suddenly get the sickening feeling in the very pit of my stomach, that it is my fault. I have been agnostic for almost all my life, there was a time period when we actually went to church, but not any more, my entire family is agnostic. I do not believe in God so right now, I feel it is my fault, even though I know that there's no way possibly it's my fault. I suddenly hate this room. It belongs to a perfect little girl, my mother's little princess. That's what I've always been to her, her little treasure. But now, I have just proved to my mother that I am not that perfect little girl. I am sick. I know way deep down that it is not my fault that I am sick, but the shame hurts all the same. The room spins around me, making it all the more sickening, and to be fair who wouldn't be completely disgusted by this get up. It's seriously enough to make anyone nauseated, I can't believe I slept in this bed room for 17 years. My room at home is nothing compared to this. There is a knock on the door followed by my sisters voice. "Brooke, may I come in?" "Sure" I say apathetically. Brandy let's herself in and then sits down next to me.

"You okay little sis?" She asks me. I shake my head. Brandy straightens out the sheets a little. "Mom, really does care that your sick." Brandy says, "She really is upset" I fold my arms tightly across my chest.

"No she isn't" I say staring down at my lap. "She's just upset because the one thing in her life that is perfect, is so well not perfect. So crippled". Brandy rubs my back. "I've known Mom three years longer than you have" She says,

"And I know for a fact that she doesn't like to show her true feelings" "I know what she's feeling" I say bitterly. "She's disappointed in me" Brandy falls silent for a really long time. We both fall silent. "If I were the one to get Lou Gehrig's disease, she wouldn't give a flying fuck" Brandy finally says. "She never liked me, and as much as I hate to admit it, she never wanted me in the first place. You were the only one of us kids who wasn't a mistake, you were always part of the plan" "But I guess it wasn't part of the plan for me to get Lou Gehrig's Disease" I say bitterly.

"Well no" Brandy says, "But mom always liked you the best Brookie Monster, as far as I know she couldn't give a damn about me, and don't even get me started on our brother" I suddenly feel like a jolt has gone off inside me.

"Wait a second" I cry. "Brother?" "Well technically he was our half brother, he wasn't mom's mistake he was another woman's mistake, let's just say our dad kind of got around before he settled down with mom. He's quite a bit older then you and I. Dad had another wife before he married mom, and I guess Brock was just a product of that marriage. He was a terrible kid, starting fires stealing, lying, cheating on exams" Brandy says. 'Brock' I think bitterly to myself. The name sounds suspiciously like my name and suddenly I think I realize what my parents were trying to do. They were trying to start over. "Why didn't I know about him?" I ask, this is a very strange Christmas Eve. First I find out I have Lou Gehrig's Disease then I find out I have an estranged brother. "Oh god" Brandy says putting her hands to her face. "I've said too much. Forget I said anything" "I can't just forget" I say. Brandy sighs heavily. "All right the reason why you don't know about our brother is because he was disowned and sent to live at a group home down south when he was 12 years old, which was the year before you were born" So I thought right, it was no coincidence at all that my name is the feminine version of his name. The year after they disowned him was the year I was born after all. They probably really wanted another boy they could name Brock 2.0. So I really was the replacement. It feels really icky. "You all right?" Brandy asks apparently sensing my discomfort.

"Is this supposed to make me feel better?" I ask. "Because it most certainly does not. Don't you get it? Brock? Brooke? They're practically the same name" Brandy places her index finger to her chin, "The fact that dad got mom pregnant right after they sent him to boarding school?" Brandy still appears very confused. "Do you think that's just a coincidence?" I feel tears stream down my cheeks and I am shocked because I thought I was so far removed from crying. I let out a loud sob. "I'm his fucking replacement!" I wail. "I guess if I put it that way. Oh man. Don't worry you're nothing like our brother." "That's not the point!" I wail. "The whole point of my existence is to be that horrible excuse for a person's replacement" "Hey wow" Brandy says, "Think of how he must feel" "He probably doesn't even know about me" I snap. "But now" I say wiping my tears, "Now I kind of want to meet the guy" The words sound foreign on my tongue and I have no real idea as to why I might have said them, but I would really love to take it back now. "He's not such a bad guy you know" Brandy says, fingering through one of my thick spiral curls, she pulls it and let's it spring. "No?" I ask. "He had a lot of problems, but one of my first memories of him was when I was three years old and he must have been 12.

I was learning to ride a tricycle for the first time. I fell down on the curve and split my chin right open and skinned both my knees, I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. And then there was Brock. Brock was pretty much a life savor that day. He picked me up, let me ride in the basket on his bicycle. Then he took me home, washed out my wounds, put band aids on my knees, and even preformed stitches in my chin and comforted me. Brandy's eyes are starting to fill with tears. But unfortunately, he could just never seem to catch a break. Everything he did was wrong, even that day, he got in trouble for taking me out on my tricycle without any adult supervision "Is that why our parents disowned him?" I ask. "Nah" Brandy says, "That was more when he started getting into street drugs, and started stealing and lighting fires and all that. I suppose there was also the time he lit my Barbie Dream House on fire"

"Shit that's terrible" I say. "Yeah!" It is. "What's also terrible is the whole set up with our family. Brock's obviously the least favorite, and you're obviously the favorite and me, I'm just the middle child who everyone ignores." I let out an uncomfortable shallow sigh. "If it makes you feel better, I'm probably not the favorite kid anymore" "Yeah I guess we're all three of us just a bunch of screw ups" Brandy jokes, and this is totally not the time for her to be joking. I did not get Lou Gehrig's Disease on purpose and that is what she is making it sound like. "I'm sorry Brookie Monster" Brandy says, "Mom still loves you the best, that's why she always pushes you into great stuff" "I know she loves me" I say the tears are starting up again. "But she's so fucking disappointed in me, I really feel like I failed just now" "Ah C'mon" Brandy says, we both fall silent again for a while. "I think this seems like a family emergency" Brandy says, "Wouldn't you say?" "Does that mean?" I ask, "Yes" Brandy says, apparently she knows exactly what I am getting at. "hand me the yellow pages?" "You're really going to try calling him?" I ask. "As crazy as it sounds" She says. I clumsily walk over to my book shelf, there are several phone books I had kept along the years. "This isn't going to do" Brandy says, looking at the latest phone book. She grabs on to my hand.

"C'mon Little Sis" She says. "Where are we going?" I ask. She doesn't say anything just smiles a smug smile. "You'll see" She says. "Seriously where are we going?" I ask. "Will you keep it down?" Brandy hisses. "Sorry" I say quietly. She points to a square on the ceiling and pulls down a rope and a staircase appears. "It's all in the attic" She says mysteriously. "We have an attic?" I ask. "Why didn't I know about the attic?" "Mom and Dad have no idea I know about the attic, but one day I caught my dad going up there, and discovered that we have a secret passage. All of Brock's stuff is up there," she says, "Everything old pictures, old birth certificate, you name it, you ready to head up there?" I suddenly feel weak at the knees again. "I' I can't," I moan grasping my left ankle. "Can't walk?" Brandy asks. "Here no problem." She says. She then scoops me up in her arms the same way Ted had done earlier. She runs up the stairs and it is making me dizzy all over again. She is not doing a very good job at "Steering" At one point I hit my head on the banister. I know that eventually this is going to become part of the reality, getting carried around places that do not have accessible ramps and what not.

"Sorry" She says hastily, "You all right?" "Yeah I'm okay" I lie. For some reason the "Ride" up the stairs seems longer than it probably really is. The attic is dark and creepy. It does not much help when Brandy turns on the light. There are spiders, mites, roaches, centipedes and earwigs crawling every which way. I am usually not squeamish in the slightest, but this is disgusting, there is also a disgusting smell of must. I for some reason react to all this in a really squeamish manner. I tightly grab Brandy around the neck with both my hands. "Oh for God's sake Brooke" Brandy says, "You're choking me. Stop being such a baby." She sets me down on an old rocking chair, walks over to a shelf and pulls out a huge box, one that has been gathering dust for a really long time. She blows on it and dust flies everywhere. "Here we are" She says, handing the huge box over to me. I open it and even more dust rushes out. The first thing Brandy pulls out is a huge envelope with the words Brock Matthew Shy written on it. She blows off the excess dust. "You ready?" Brandy asks. This feels really mysterious. "What you got there?" Brandy asks. I blow the dust off a manilla envelope. "Brock's school reports" I say, "Preschool to Senior year of High school, apparently he's never gone to college" Brandy blows off the dust of another thick manilla envelope.

"What you got?" I ask her. "Christmas cards" Brandy says, she flips through the pile. "Looks like he's been sending cards since the year he was kicked out." She lets out a huffy sigh.

"Dear, Mom, Dad and Brandy, I am having a shitty time please get me out of here. It is only the second day of living with these people and already they hate me. Can I please come home for christmas this year? I promise I'll be a really good boy this year, just please get me the fuck out of here" I bite down hard on my lip, I don't know whether I should feel bad for him or not. It would suck to be disowned.

"He was kicked out on Christmas?" I ask, because apparently this is a christmas card. Maybe it is just how my parents do things, maybe they are planning to disown me as well. "The date says december 3rd, 1991," And speaking of Christmas, it seems a little pathetic that Brandy and I are upstairs in the attic opening the remains of our missing brother instead of opening presents.

My Dad's younger sister Aunt Kathy has a reputation in our family as being the best gift giver in the world. It's so true, all of my favorite things I've gotten were from Aunt Kathy. Unfortunately the thing about Aunt Kathy is she lives all the way on the other end of the country so her gifts usually come late. Every year she seems to out do herself. Brandy continues reading the letter out loud. A huge lump forms in my throat, too big for me to swallow. My parents have gotten all the letters yet they chose to keep them all hidden away in the attic to gather dust. A cold chill rushes up my spine as fast as quicksilver. That's what it's going to be like to be disowned.

Of course Brock probably did something way worse then suddenly get Lou Gehrig's Disease, but still disappointment is disappointment, and I know for a fact that they were disappointed in me. I keep telling myself over and over again, that it is not my fault that I am sick, but that brings me no comfort. I still have to suffer the same amount of shame my brother had to.

I flip my fingers through the thick stack of papers, each of them dated in the top left hand corner and signed by a team of professionals at the bottom. As I read through the reports, it feels as if I am looking through an abnormal psych text book of some really disturbed kid's back history. Year 1984, Union Beach Nursery School, the top of the paper reads. Brock hits a classmate over the head with a block after she wouldn't give him her snack. He also verbally abused the new classroom helper and chased one of the instructors with a ladder, when she told him it was nap time. "Wow!" Brandy says, "That's really frightening" I suddenly realize that I have read the report out loud. I'm not sure how It is I didn't know that. "He is a very bright little boy, but he does not apply himself" Brandy rolls her eyes. "Is that ever a cliche" She says, "We get kids like that every year, very smart kids that do not apply themselves and he was only in nursery school, he may have turned himself around, keep reading"

"You think so?" I ask, "Because it sure doesn't sound like he did from then on. It sounds to me like he got worse. He was disowned for god's sake." Brandy falls silent for a long time, "What did the teachers suggest?" She asks. "They said, all he needs is a more structured environment." I see that the next document is from the Montesorri School, the same Montesorri Brandy and I had attended. Apparently that's the school everyone sends there kids in order to become perfect little angels, with perfect little halo's over their heads. I'm sure it didn't work out so well with Brock. I flip through the stack until I end up finding one with the words, Orange Hill Montesorri, sure enough that was where Brandy and I had attended, I'm surprised the school even took us after having Brock. I skim down. "He was kicked out in less then one week" I say. Brandy rolls her eyes.

"What a surprise" She says, "What did he do?" "He purposely pulled the fire alarm. That sounds pretty minor in comparison to what he had done at his previous nursery school. "But that was when he was what 4?" Brandy asked. "You never know" I say , "He's probably a first class criminal now" she is loudly flipping through paper after paper. "Here's one from 2011" She says. I scoot myself closer to Brandy. At the bottom of the letter. There is a picture of a well built muscular man, with blonde hair down to his shoulders, I have always hated long hair on guys, a ripped up t-shirt that reads the devil made me do it and a sinister look in his eyes. He has a beyond creepy grin plastered upon his face. I am nauseated by the picture. I can see there are many hard liquor bottles in the background, and he is standing outside what appears to be nothing more then a cardboard box. I have mixed feelings about this, the guy's obviously homeless,

it does suck to have no where to go on Christmas, as cliche as it sounds, but then on the other hand, he's homeless, and it's probably for a pretty good reason. He has about at least a dozen gold teeth in his mouth, so I guess he has some money on hand, probably stollen. "We really shouldn't be doing this Bran" I say backing away slowly. Brandy glares at me, turning my veins to ice once again. "I think it's sick of mom and dad to keep this from us" She says bitterness falls from her lips. She has gone full ice queen. "You have no idea how hard it was for me" She says, "I had all these memories of him, I thought I was nuts Brooke. But now I know that I'm not. I was not imagining that we had a brother" Now that I think about it, I do remember there have been a couple times when we were little, that Brandy would mention our imaginary brother. I thought she was nuts myself, or else very imaginative. I breathe heavily, I feel like my rib cage is going to collapse any minute now. "Mom and Dad had no right to keep him from us, and they sure as hell had no right to belittle your disease the way they did" "Brandy?" I whimper. "He's our brother Brooke" Brandy says, "He deserves to be in on this, just as much as everyone else does."

"Why?" I wail. "He's never heard of me, why do you think he'd give a damn? Mom didn't care about me, and neither did dad, why would this stranger who I'm just finding out about today care?" Brandy's lips are moving but she is clearly at a loss for words. "So what?" I stammer. "Are you going to call him?" "Shh" Brandy hisses. "For Gods sake Brooke not so loud, I'm sure their's a phone number somewhere" "Brandy" I whimper, "Didn't you say mom and dad disowned him? Doesn't that mean they clearly never want to see him again?" "Well this seems like a situation where they really have no choice" Brandy says, noisily rustling through the pile of papers. "Here's one from a year ago" She says, "Maybe there's someway to contact him there," There is another picture of Brock, he doesn't look any better, then he did in the last picture, the only really clear way I can tell he is older is because of a few age wrinkles here and there. They are standing outside a makeshift trailer park, which is a huge step up from living ina card board box, which I suppose is pretty darn presumptuous, for all I know that was not his home at all. Maybe it was just some random card board box that just happened to be in the background. There is a girl in this other picture. He has his arm wrapped around her neck almost as if he is choking her. Her mouth is smiling, but her eyes are saying the words get the hell away from me. I back away like a backwards spider spinning up it's web. Or maybe like a spider has landed on me. "We are not calling that guy" I say. "Look at this guy, he's disgusting, he looks like he's about to kill that girl" Brandy rolls her eyes and sighs. "You've always been one for melodramatics Brookie monster" she says. "He's not choking her he's" Brandy looks closer at the photo. She then quickly places it in her lap. "This is going to sound really weird Brooke" She says, "But the more nasty stuff I hear about this guy, the more I want to meet him"

"No" I say shaking my head. I take one look into Brandy's eyes, and I know that she is serious. Brandy's always been a serious person, but there are times that she is as serious as the plague, and now is one of those times. "Hey don't forget Brookie monster" She says fingering through my ringlet again (ew that sounded gross) "You were the one who said you wanted to meet him" Chills rush up and down my spine for some reason when I realize that she is right. I suppose I did let something along the lines of wanting to meet him slip off my tongue. "So?" Brandy asks, "Should we give it a go?" I know that there is no arguing with Brandy. Brandy is three years older and three years bossier than me, usually what she says goes. Though I have grown up with getting my way from my parents, there was never "Getting my way" with Brandy. All I can do is beg and plead. Suddenly I hear our mom's loud shrill voice. "GIRLS!" She calls. "Great" I say lamely, "I wonder how long she's been calling us." Brandy takes the roll of dominant big sis once again. "I'm trying to comfort my sister" she calls down the stairs to our mom. "For god sake, she's just been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's Disease" "I've been calling you two for a couple of hours now" Mom says, "Where might you be" "Damnit" Brandy hisses. "We're just" She seems at a loss for words. "We're in the bathroom" I tell her, I'm sure she'll believe it, my crying in the bathroom and being comforted by someone has been known to happen many of times.

"Okay girls" She says, "But just giving you two a heads up, the ravioli is getting cold and it tastes no good heated in the microwave, and how very rude of you two to go and disappear like this in the middle of dinner" "Brooke has Lou Gehrig's Disease" Brandy says again, i've had the diagnosis of Lou Gehrig's Disease for less then an entire day now, and all ready Brandy is playing the card. She's been using it way more than I have, but to be fare, I haven't used it once. "Just make sure you two don't miss the final course" She says.

"It's the most important part of Christmas dinner" I listen very carefully to the sounds of her turning around, that way she won't see what we're up to. "C'mon" I say hurriedly. "No need to rush" Brandy hisses, "There's a phone number on this greeting card" I don't even mention that it is really weird of a person to write down their phone number on a season's greeting card, unless, unless maybe he wanted us to call. "Brooke hey pay attention" Brandy hisses. She reads me the number. "Now put this in your phone" "Me?" I ask, "If anyone should call him it's you, he's never heard of me" I can just imagine the conversation in my head. "Hey Brock, I'm you're enstranged sister, your much much younger sister, the one who you never met or even heard of, I'm dying of Lou Gehrig's Disease" That should go over just peachy. I honestly don't know what Brandy is thinking. "All right, all right" She says, "I'll put it in my phone" "Brandy what are you going to say?" I ask. She stands very still. "Brandy?" I ask again, "I' I don't really know" She says, punching in the number, "But I'll think of something" "Girls!" Mom calls, "I'm about to serve dinner, how do you want your meat?" "Mom" Brandy says again using her dominant voice, "Brooke and I need some time alone. You wouldn't understand it's a sister thing" I'm sure mom would not understand a sister thing, growing up with two much older brothers. "Oh for gods sake" mom huffs, "What on earth can you two possibly be doing up here, that is so time consuming."

"Not hungry" I call from down the stairs, I hope that she get's the point now. "Do you want me to come up here and see what you two are up to?" She asks, I can't believe the way she is saying this like, Brandy and I are two little girls who have gotten caught opening their Christmas presents before Christmas day. "No!" We both holler. "Well all right" Mom says, "Just get down here before the food get's cold" We make our way out of the attic and try as hard as we can not to make too much of a racket. We then hide out in my bedroom.

"All right" Brandy says, "I'm going to do this" She clears her throat several times. "All right" She says, "I think I'm ready" I get myself comfortable, by lying on my stomach on my bed. There is a period of silence, where all that can be heard is the ring tone. I am anxious about whether he picks up the phone or not, and I can tell Brandy is feeling the same way. "Hello" I here a thick southern drawl over the other end of the receiver, he is clearly inebriated, in the back ground I can hear a woman's voice, she is yelling something about her mother's china, there is a heated argument going on and I can tell. I don't think Brandy knows that she has her cell phone on speakerphone and I think it might be pointless now to break it to her. Brandy swallows a couple of times before she speaks. "Hey Brock" She says, her voice sounds muffled. "This is going to sound really weird, it's me, your sister Brandy" She takes a couple of deep breaths, tears are now freely running down her cheeks. Weird, she wasn't crying before, but I guess there is just some kind of emotional bond between her and Brock that I don't know about She sniffles loudly. "We need you here" She says tearfully.

"There's a family emergency" Brock says something inaudible, but I suppose it's not to huge of an assumption that he is asking where we are. Brandy blinks back a couple more tears that have gone unshed for the time being. She then gives him our exact location. I cover my mouth as a way to resist the temptation of telling her that she has just made a terrible mistake. I'm not even sure right now, how I know it's a mistake. I can just tell already. Brock continues to be inaudible and Brandy keeps uh huh'ing. She gingerly hangs up the phone. "He's coming" She says. "W'wait from where?" I ask, "There living in a small suburb west of LA" Brandy tells me, "He and his girlfriend or wife or whatever she is"

"Oh my god" I cry. I cup my hands over my eyes. "Please no" "Brooke it's too late" Brandy says, more tears are splashing down her cheeks, "I already called him. Something as big as Lou Gehrig's Disease? We can't keep that from him" "What are you talking about?" I ask, "Our family isn't exactly the greatest at keeping things from people, oh fuck I mean, scratch that, our family is too good at keeping secrets from us. Why should this be the one thing that's not a secret." "Brooke" Brandy says tearfully. "We have a brother. And he's coming to see us. He really does care about the family. I mean isn't it obvious the way he's sending all those christmas cards. He actually wants to see us. "What are we going to tell mom and dad" I ask, stuffing my face in a fat pillow. "I got it taken care of" Brandy says, she wipes the tears from her eyes, and I follow her down the stairs.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Ted**

Brooke and Brandy walk down the stairs in a single file. Both of them appear red nosed and teary eyed, and I can already tell this is not a good thing. "All right girls" Wendy says, giving both of them a generous stare.

"No nonsense! What were you two up to just now" Neither of them say a word. I've never really thought about it long and hard, but this is the first time I've noticed the family resemblance.

They as a matter a fact look more like sister's then I've ever seen them look like before, which is especially odd seeing how differently they are dressed. Brooke all dolled up in an old fashioned gown, and Brandy all hipster with the barley combed through stringy hair, clad in a Micky Mouse shirt. Her demeanor simply says fuck you Christmas, and I couldn't be in more agreeance with her demeanor. The sisters have identical troublesome looks plastered on their faces. "Well?" Wendy asks, giving them both an icy glair as she corners them the way a shark would corner its prey. Brandy clears her throat. "We uh, we have a friend coming" Wendy's face becomes more relaxed.

"Well that's great girls" She says, "I've made so much food, the more the merrier, who is this friend" The two of them clam up. "He uh" Brandy finally said, "You uh, you don't know him" She rings her hands around in a creepy autistic sort of way, which I kind of always wondered if she might be. "Oh I see" Wendy says, still glaring icily. It is making me all sorts of uncomfortable and tense. The girls go to sit down. "Hold up" Wendy says, "I'm not through with the two of you" They continue to look uneasy.

"How do you know this fellow?" "From online" Brandy says shuffling her feet nervously. "Wait, wait wait" Wendy says huffily. "You found him on an online dating sight didn't you? That's a very cruel thing to go and do, when you have a well not perfectly good girlfriend by any means, but a girlfriend named Susan. Besides I thought you were, you know" "Lesbian" Brandy says rolling her eyes.

"Yes that" "Good lord" Brandy says, "We didn't meet him on a dating site, we met him on a chat room, yeah." Wendy raises one eyebrow. "A Chat room" She asks, doesn't ask actually, she states it. "What kind of chat room would the two of you be going on? And what makes you think you can trust this person enough to give him our address?" Brandy clears her throat. "It's not as much as a chat room as it is a forum" Wendy looks baffled, "I don't understand girls" She says, "What sort of forum?" She looks from Brandy to Brooke.

"It's about Lou" Brandy nudges Brooke really hard in the ribcage. She nervously twists her face around. "Um yeah she's right" She says, "Lou Gehrig's Disease, I met this guy on a forum for people with siblings with Lou Gehrig's disease" She smiles nervously. "Hold up" Wendy says, "Something sounds very fishy about this, you couldn't have been on the forum for very long obviously you just found out today that your sister has Lou Gehrig's Disease" "Right!" Brandy says. I can tell by the look on her face, that she is very much unable to dig herself out of this hole. "Um there was just something about him and I that really clicked. He has a sister exactly Brooke's age with the disease"

She rings her hands. This whole story sounds fishier by the second, a very unlikely coincidence. "How on earth did you contact this person?" Wendy asks. "What kind of person gives his phone number or email on a forum?" "Actually lot's of people give their emails on forum's" I chip in. Wendy ignores me just like she's been doing. It's as if I am not here. "Well then girls" Wendy asks, "How on earth does this guy know where we live." "Uh" Brandy says and drawls on like that for a while. Fortunately she is saved by the ringing of the doorbell.

"I'll get it?" I offer. "Oh don't be so ridiculous Ted" Wendy says, "You're just a guest in this house, it's not your job to get it. I'll get it" "n'no" I say, "I insist" "oh well all right" Wendy says turning away dramatically. I swear everything she does is done dramatically. I open the door. Two people, a man and a woman are walking up to the doorstep. They seem just about as unhappy with each other as you can get.

"Oh come on Brock" The girl says to a long haired man. "These people are your family, they really wanted to see you. Why are you so scared?" The man who I suppose is Brock, turns to the girl who I assume must be his girl friend. "Well my family and I we don't exactly get along" "Oh Brock" The girl says, "I don't want to sound all corny or anything, but it's Christmas! Tis the season for family's to get together and all that jazz. You're lucky you're family is healthy." Brock turns and shakes his girl friend.

"Didn't you hear the message FAMILY EMERGENCY" The girl quickly turns away. "You're hurting me" She says sternly, "If your family wants you to be here then it's pretty clear that they didn't really cut you off" "Look Kim" Brock says, "You wanted to come here more than I did" "Well maybe half of that was because I didn't want to eat the same old Top Ramen for Christmas Dinner, don't you think it's nice that for once we got invited to something? Don't we deserve better than top Ramen on fine china? Even if it is fine China it's still the same gas station food we eat every day, because you can't keep a job!" "Well I don't see you getting a job" "What are you talking about?" Kim hisses, "I have two part time gas station jobs,"

"Family emergency" Brock says again, "Don't you get it Kim? They completely cut me off, and now conveniently enough, they need me because their's a family emergency?" "Brock look" Kim says sternly, "We have no heat in our house, we're dirt poor. This is a hell of a lot better than nothing, come on let's go" I stand there lamely smiling at the two of them. I suddenly realize that Brooke has, an uncle? Cousin, or maybe even. Brother?"

Brooke never during the whole time we've dated mentioned a brother. "Hey you deaf?" Brock asks me. "I said let us in already" Kim nudges him hard in the rib cage. "Why do you have to act like such an asshole all the time?" She asks.

"Sorry" I say. "C'mon in" I don't know it now, but I have just made the mistake of the century. "Mom, Dad?" Brock says, he sounds really frightened under his tough boy demeanor. My stomach does a forward flip and then a back flip. The guy really is Brooke's brother, she has been keeping him from me all these years, now I'm starting to wonder what else she's been keeping from me all these years. Wendy and Steve's full attention is on their son. Both of them go all bug eyed and drop their silverware. Steve marches up to him. "When we kicked you out of the house 25 years ago, we were pretty firm with you. We said NEVER come back again, I don't think there was any way we could have been more clear"

"B'but!" Brock stammers, "Brandy invited me here!" "Brandy Jane Shy!" Wendy snaps. "I am so disappointed in you. I can't believe I fell for your stupid lie. You tricked me. And you tricked me damn good"

"Hi Mom!" Brock says meekly. "Don't you ever call me Mom again!" She snaps, "I am not your biological mother and you know it, as a matter a fact I am not your mother at all. You were disowned a long long long time ago as you very well remember."

"Well for your information!" Brock snaps, "I was summoned here because apparently there is a family emergency! Is there really a family emergency or was it a huge mistake to come here?" Brandy screws her face up and clears her throat. "It's our sister" She says, "She has Lou Gehrig's Disease" "Wait!" Brock says, "I have another sister?" Now this is really throwing me through the loop, and to make the whole thing even more uncomfortable than it already is, I feel even more like a useless bystander, like someone who is just looking in on a family fight.

I know I have been married into this family (Really recently I might add, maybe this family is just slow to warm up to new kin) but I still feel like I am not a part of the family. I can tell that Tequila and Kim must feel the same way. It is a Shy family thing and all three of us are smart enough to stay the fuck out of it. I got to hand it to Brooke, between the two of us she definitely has the more dynamic family. I was born the only child of very white bread parents, who were never much into drama, that's why they weren't super enthusiastic about me joining a college frat, they were supportive and all, but never really liked to be involved, which was kind of weird because they were both College legend greek members before they settled down and got boring. Apparently they didn't want to see me follow in their footsteps.

I guess maybe they just lived out their glory days in college and already did all the exciting things they needed to do. I really wish we had been invited to Christmas Eve at their house, it would be boring, but hell it would have been more comfortable. We got invites from both sets of parents, but Wendy was so much more convincing then my very nonchalant mother. I swear Wendy was on her knees begging us to come. My parents have gone vegan somewhere within the last couple of years, so we probably would have had something on the lines of nut loaf for dinner. We'd probably then spend of the rest of the night sitting comfortably on the couch watching "It's A Wonderful Life"

"Why didn't I know I had another sister?" Brock asks, very rudely interrupting me from my wishy washy state of mind. "Because Brock" Wendy says tightly. "Why would you have known that? We had Brooke after we disowned you"

"Wait Brooke?" He asks. "Wow real subtle WENDY. I see exactly what you did there and it's sick"

Wendy moves her lips but nothing comes out of her mouth. "What?" Wendy asks. "What are you talking about? What was I apparently trying to do?" It is Brooke's turn to speak up. "Don't play dumb" She says poutingly, "I think you know what you did" She folds her arms tightly across her chest, and stares down at her feet. Wendy stares from her oldest son to her youngest daughter. "Oh come on you two" She says, "Don't be ridiculous, I really like the name Brooke, it has always been one of my most favorite names, now don't make this into anything more than it has to be" It seems to be the first time Brock has discovered Brooke. It is not such a hard thing to do, Brooke has been so quiet ever since the beginning of her illness, it's very easy to forget she's in the room "Brock?" Brandy says lamely, "This is our sister Brooke. Brooke, this is our brother Brock" The two of them shake hands woodenly. Brock suddenly goes all bug eyed the same way Steve and Wendy had when he first came in.

"Brooke Shy?" He asks. "Y'You're THAT Brooke Shy?" Brooke appears more timid and uncomfortable by the second. "W'what Brooke Shy is that?" She asks. "The one from the Internet" And now the plot thickens. "From the Internet Brock?" Kim snaps. Brock scratches the back of his head.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She snaps. "Are you seeing someone online?" She moves in a couple steps closer. Brock laughs nervously, and I don't mean just tiny giggles, he gives out a loud chest laugh, I swear it's one of the loudest laughs I've ever heard. "It's not like that at all Kim" He says. "I found the website on complete accident when I googled myself, the question do you mean Brooke Shy popped up?"

"You googled your self?" Kim snaps, pure hatred is falling from her glossy lips. "What kind of an arrogant freak google's themselves"

Apparently Kim isn't all that computer savvy. "Actually" I say in a lame far away voice that doesn't sound much like my own. "A lot of people google themselves, it's kind of a common activity on the internet" Kim completely ignores me, I really do feel invisible, or maybe a little bit like a goldfish in an aquarium, like there is a big wall standing between us that separates me from the rest of the group. "What website did you find her on?" Kim asks. Brock scratches the back of his head again. He seems to have a habit of doing that quite a lot.

"Just JOGO/JUEGO fotolog. com" He says. He sounds as guilty as ever. "That, that pron sight?" Kim asks. "I didn't know" Brock says, "I really honestly didn't know" "Honestly?" Kim asks. "No offense or anything, but isn't it really obvious. Didn't you notice that there are like a total of ugly people on there? Zero normal looking people?" "It's the honest to God truth Kim" "Well all righty than" Kim says through grit teeth. "If you're so big on telling the truth all of a sudden, then let's hear you tell the truth on this one. How much time do you go on this website?" She asks "Only one time Kim" He says, "Do you believe it?" "Do you jack off about her?" She asks "Do you?" She asks. "Of course not Kim" He says, then let's out another uncomfortable full chested laugh. "Aw C'mon Kim" Brock says. "I'm a guy, guy's get turned off by that, I'm only human" Kim shrugs her shoulders and turns away. "Kim!" Brock says grabbing her by the arm and turning her sharply around. "My god Brock, don't do that" She snaps.

"Is that all? You're just looking at porn. I'm not upset that you're looking at porn or anything. I thought you were seeing another girl online. I know guys do that. I'm glad you were honest with me, and I'm really sorry that you're sister has Lou Gehrig's Disease"

"You got another chair WENDY?" Brock asks. Wendy folds her arms tightly across her chest. "I think I made myself crystal clear" She says. "You're not invited. Kim you seem like a very fine young woman" She says turning to her. "You're welcome to stay"

"Yes Kim" Steve says, "You're such a beautiful young woman, you could have any guy in the world, what the hell are you doing with my son? Don't you think you deserve a lot better?" Brock's face turns bright red. "I'm not that bad kid you disowned long ago." He says, "I'm a totally different person now" He then very sappily places his hand to his heart. "I'm a changed Man" He says. Steve glares icily at his disowned son. He then turns his full attention to Kim, "Where'd you two meet anyway?" He asks. "At a group therapy class, both our therapists recommended for us."

"See dad" "Steve!" He says icily" I swear that guy is frightening, so frightening that it ignoring him right now would be the best thing. "I'm in group therapy" Brock says, "Isn't that a sign that I'm doing better and you know wanting to do better" Both his parents give him disapproving looks.

"Good lord" Wendy says face palming."C'mon Ma" He says apparently forgetting that she had very recently told him never to call him that. "Wendy!" She snaps. "My name is Wendy and don't forget that, I am not Ma or Mom or Mommy or Mother or Mama to you. You're mother is Diane Walters, she died during your birth of Pre Eclampsia. For your information Mister, I didn't even want you in the first place. The only reason I took you in was because I was so in love with your father that I was willing to take all his leftovers and unfortunately, you were part of that whole leftover package. I always counted down the days till you left for college, if you went to college that is, if not I counted down the days till you were officially and adult "

The way Wendy says all this especially the first part, I know she really needs for Brock to think it's his fault that his mother died. "Thank you" He says angrily, "As if that whole being unwanted business wasn't something I didn't hear enough of every single day" He keeps trying. "Wendy" He says clearing his throat. "This must be a huge misunderstanding, Brandy invited me over and I thought we were all on the same page here, I thought you all needed me here." Wendy continues to fold her arms across her arms with a look of despair and anger plastered upon her face. He shoots Brandy the same look he is giving his parents. "You are so right" Wendy says bitterly. "We are not on the same page,

I will have a talk with Brandy later" Brandy makes a nervous gulp. I try to make an escape in the back of my head. I am at my parents house. It is boring, but to tell you truth nutloaf, It's A Wonderful Life, and a little makeshift gas station Christmas tree sounds just amazing to me. Anything to get away from this drama. Cross that out. Not drama. Soap Opera. A lot like the Soap Opera my mother used to watch when I was growing up.

I don't know the name of the Soap Opera. All I know, is that it was dubbed "Mommy's Show" That made me all the more curious to watch it, a forbidden show. I had my own shows like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Batman and Robbin, Beevis and Butthead, Freakazoid, Transformers and Power Rangers that my mother never watched with me, but somehow the fact that she called it "Mommy's Show" was really made it all the more intriguing. As you might have guessed as lame as it may sound, I was really excited when my mother finally declared me old enough, to watch Mommy's Show with her. I never found out what the show was actually called, and from that day on, I always think of it as "Mommy's show" for all I know and what little knowledge of soap operas I have, that is what it's called, and that whatever it was really called didn't matter. I hated it, it was really sappy and corny and very well for lack of a better word gay, yet at the same time I couldn't stop watching it. (Although I stopped watching once I got to High School)

I guess you'd call that the train wreck effect or something along those lines. Any who, this whole scene with Brooke's brother is something straight out of "Mommy's show" A couple of sister's being re'aquainted with a brother they didn't know they had and all that jazz. The show always had guest appearances in practically every episode. And that is exactly what I feel like in this soap opera. The Guest Star.

"The Shy Family" Guest starring Ted Sanders. Co Starring Kim Not sure what her last name is, and Susan Anderson. So That's it in a nutshell, I am a guest star in this family's drama. Now, all I can do is sit back and watch. I have never been much of a watcher. I am a doer for God's sake. I was the leader of my Frat for God's fucking sake. Brooke is my fucking girlfriend. So why the fuck am I not used to her family yet? Why the fuck do I feel like I'm going to freeze in their presence? I'm just not, and I just do. That's it. "

I care about her" Brock says, "She's my baby sister, and she's dying" Just then Wendy slaps him hard across the face. Brock looks shocked. "No!" She snaps. "She is not your sister! She is your half sister! And don't you dare forget that! Not even that. As you probably well know, she was born after we disowned you. Therefore she has no relationship whatsover to you"

"I love her" He blurts out lamely, which I know can't possibly be true. "No!" Wendy snaps, "You just think you do because you're in lust with her. You weren't there for her birth, you weren't there for her first word, you weren't their for her first day of Kindergarten, and you sure as hell weren't there for her wedding" "All right! I get it" He says, "But I am here now!" "Yes" I interject, once again my voice sounds a little out of bodyish.

"Isn't it enough that he's here the day she got her diagnosis, and on Christmas for god's sake. "No!" Wendy snaps, "You walk out the door this instant." Now she is getting physical, she grabs him by the arm "Kim, you can stay." She says giving her shoulder a quick squeeze. "How Am I going to get home?" He whines. "Hitch hike for all I fucking care" Wendy snaps. Brock does not leave, he stays, he sure as hell stays all right. As a matter a fact he grabs a chair and sits himself down at the table and begins helping himself to the food. Steve slaps his hand. "Not for you boy" He snaps, "Don't even think about it" "Oh okay" He says, "I see what this is all about" "Oh do you?" Wendy asks folding her arms across her chest. "It's either me or her" He says pointing to Brooke. "You obviously chose her, because obviously you can't have both of us. As far as I'm concerned it was never me and Brooke, it was me or Brooke?" Wendy's mouth is open but no words come out.

"Don't play dumb with me" Brock says angrily. "We never did get to finish this conversation did we?" "What?" Wendy asks, blinking her eyes in utter confusion. "Yeah that's right" Brock says bitterly, "Just keep on pretending you don't know what I'm talking about. That's really going great for you" "What am I supposed to say?" Wendy asks. "How close was she to being Brock 2.0?" Wendy looks continually more shocked by the second.

"Not close at all. Isn't that right Steve, we knew we were getting a baby girl 6 weeks into the pregnancy, after seeing my 6 week ultra sound" "Yeah so those 5 weeks before? You were really considering naming it Brock 2.0" Brock asks "That's ridiculous" Steve says, "Who names their kid 2.0?" He and Wendy have a nice laugh. Brooke fiddles at her plate. "How close was I Mom? To being Brock version 2.0?" She asks, setting both elbows on the table and resting her chin in her hands. I guess she and Brock see eye to eye on this whole thing. "No elbows on the table Brookie's and Cream!" Wendy says. It couldn't possibly be more obvious right now that Brooke is the favorite, I mean all three of her family members (Excluding Brock of course) Have three separate pet names for her. In one night, I have heard her get called, Brookie Dough, Brookie Monster and Brookie's and Cream. It's all a little sickeningly sweet if you ask me. My parents were not into the sappy nickname thing. Not at all. I was called Teddy by both of my parents, and when I was in trouble Theodor, and now that I'm older they call me Ted like everyone else. Steve looks really upset like he is going to flip his lid any second.

"C'mon Wendy" He says, "Just tell the kids the truth" "There's no truth to tell" Wendy says. "Nobody replaced anybody." "C'mon Wendy" Steve says. "We both know it's true" Brooke's face goes completely pale. "It's true?" Both Brooke and Brock ask in accidental unison. Perfect unison, I must add. "No" Wendy says. "Admit it Wendy" He begins counting down from 10.

"Fine it's true!" Wendy says, now she is crying. Brock places his hand on Brooke's shoulder. "Damn Brooke You all right?" He asks. Brooke shakes her head slowly. "No!" She says, "How about you. Are you okay?" "You are a sick and twisted monster Wendy" Brock shoots out. "I see why you don't want me here, you never wanted me!" His voice is starting to break as if any second now he's going to start bawling. "I agree" Brooke says folding her arms across her chest. Wendy's face crumples and tears leap out of her eyes.

"See what you've gone and done?" Steve snaps, "You made your mother cry, or rather you made that person who's not your mother cry. Get out" His voice sounds really scary. "I don't care if you're a changed man. I wouldn't care if you were the most important man alive. You are NOT my son! GET OUT!" That does it Brock immidiatly bolts out the door. I'm not sure why, but for some reason I feel obligated to comfort him, I don't just yet. I just sit at the table feeling completely stunned. Kim goes over and puts her hand on Brooke's shoulder.

"Are you all right Brooke?" She asks. Brooke says nothing, she just stares with the same exact look she had in her eyes at the hospital right when she found out about her diagnosis. Poor Brooke must be having the worst Christmas in the history of the universe. First she get's diagnosed with ALS, then she finds out she has a crazy older brother who was disowned and now she finds out that she is HIS replacement.

"Merry Christmas!" Brandy drawls, and I don't think there could have been better perfect timing for that. As Kim and Brooke go upstairs to have some "Girl time" I decide to check on Brock. He is sitting on the porch bawling, just bawling. I swear I've never seen any cry as hard as this super manly looking man sitting right next to me. "You okay man?" I ask putting my hand on his shoulder. "I tried so damn hard" He moans "so hard to change for them. I tried so hard to be likable. I joined a god damn fucking church for gods sake, That? That is something I'd never do." He gives out a frustrated laugh through all his wailing and bawling. "The things you try to do to impress your parents. I could be the most successful person on the planet and they'd still hate me" Once again I feel like an outsider. It does not feel good feeling like an outsider. He lays his head on my lap and for some reason I let him, even though the thought of cradling this crazy badass tough guy who very possibly has a criminal record somewhere disconcerting beyond belief. The fact that he is really letting it out bawling, makes him seem almost human, like beyond his tough exterior he is nothing but a terrified little boy betrayed by his own family. "I'm a failure of a human being!" He moans throwing his head back like a wounded animal, as tears run freely down his cheeks. "If my parents don't love me why should I love myself. I don't. I fucking hate myself. I'm a fucking bad boy, I have nothing going for me. Nothing god damnit" "You have a girlfriend who really cares about you." I volunteer. It is the first time in a while that I've heard my voice.

"What do you know?" He sobs, "She doesn't know the real me. Our whole relationship is based a lie. A whole god damn web of lies for gods sake. She doesn't know the whole story, she really does think I'm a changed man. I am not a god damn changed man. Want proof? I'll prove it right now. He then marches right up to Wendy and Steve's fancy Mercedes, the one they had let me use to take Brooke to prom in. "Brock no!" I shout, as I watch the car burst into flames. I have no idea how he's done it, I didn't see any gasoline or matches, he just started on fire just like that. Apparently Kim has been watching the whole thing. In an Instant she is outside. "What the fuck Brock!" She snaps,

"You lied to me, you said that guy who set fires was gone! That it was a thing of the past and now here you are setting a fire. God damnit" He looks into Kim's betrayed eyes. "All right fine" Brock says. "I lied. But I'll tell you the honest to god truth right now. You want to here it?" Kim stares at him icily. "I did not set their car on fire" Kim throws a bunch of Brock's stuff at him. "I just saw you!" She says icily. "Now take your stuff and get the hell away from me" Brock moves closer to her. "C'mon Kim" He says "You can't honestly believe I set my parents car on fire, I mean I didn't have any gasoline or matches or any of that you stupid ditz. "Don't call me that" Kim snaps. "I don't know how you did, it, but I fucking saw you and so did Ted here, I'm going to tell your parents" Brock then comes up to Kim and slaps her really hard across the face. "You tell anyone about this and I swear I'll kill you" Kim drops to her knees crying possibly even harder then Brock had been. "You okay?" I ask her. "Gimme your phone" She says still crying. "I don't feel safe around him. I'm calling the police"


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 Brooke**:

I stare up at the ceiling, becoming dizzier by the second. It is true. I am the replacement of that rotten product of Steve's first marriage. I didn't even know my dad was married in the first place.

Demons. This Christmas is full of them. As I look around the room I realize something. I hate it. I hate my bedroom. It is sickening. It's all based on a complete web of lies, just like my whole relationship with my parents. It seems really fake, the teddy bears, dolls and posters all seem to have kind of a robotic feel to them. I stare at the picture of Ted and I at senior prom, we look almost like a pare of puppets. Now I am scared. I don't know whether this is a symptom of Lou Gehrig's Disease, or if it is a symptom of betrayal, I am not even sure if it matters or not. The pins and needles in my leg become more and more intense. I can here shouting outside.

Kim is tearfully calling the police and telling them that she no longer feels safe around Brock. Brock is tearfully apologizing.

"Kim. I'm sorry god damnit. I would never hurt you,

"You already did!" Kim sobs, her voice is full of betrayal. "I'll never do it again" I would come out and join all the drama, except for the fact that I am immobile due to pins and needles, dizziness and just the general worsening of Lou Gehrig's Disease." A terrible thought suddenly crosses my mind. It is all because of me and my Lou Gehrig's Disease, that this whole fiasco had to happen. And now I just want to be alone, the only ones I want to have any connection with are the anthropomorphic pictures that the chipped paint on my wall and ceilings have made. I know there's a word for it, I just don't know it. There is a sharp knock at my door. "Brooke open this door this instant" My mother says. I pretend I don't hear her.

"Brooke Veronica Shy" She snaps. "I don't have anything to say to you" I tell the ceiling. "You must want your favorite eggnog cheese cake" She calls up to me. How can she just go on pretending everything's fine, how does she think she can make up for all of this with eggnog cheese cake?

Don't get me wrong, it is super amazing and everything, but it won't make up for the fact that I have Lou Gehrig's Disease, or that I have a psychotic brother, or that the only reason for my entire existence was to replace that psychotic piece of shit. Obviously everything is so not fine. Apparently I did not lock my door. My mother lets herself in and sits on the side of the bed.

"Christmas was quite a disaster this year wasn't it?" She asks. The tone of her voice is very passive aggressive. "I don't want to talk to you" I say staring up at the ceiling. "There's quite a lot we need to discuss" She says smoothing out my blankets.

"I think you've said everything you needed to say" I tell her then roll over to my side. My mom lies next to me, the way she used to when I was a little girl and had a nightmare. "Kim called the police" She tells me, "Brock physically harmed her" "Oh my god" I say,

"Is she okay?" "The important thing is, Brock's out of the picture for the time being, he's been sentenced for 14 years in prison for physical harm. But of course up until now, he wasn't in the picture" I cover my face with my lacy pink pillow. "Oh shit mom, I'm so sorry. Look there's so much for me to think about it. Could we please not discuss it now? I want to be alone" My mom lifts the pillow up from my face.

"Well if you don't want to talk about it now, then when would you like to talk about it?" She asked, "Because believe me Brooke Veronica Shy, this is absolutely not going to go un talked about. "I don't know" I say re stuffing my face in my pillow.

"How about tomorrow?" She suggests in a way that I cannot say not to. "Why don't we have lunch in fact? I'll make reservations at Drago Centro's fine dining" She says, using her evil weapon, she knows very well I can't resist the awesomely amazing finest italian restaurant in all of LA. They are especially famous for their hand made four cheese tortellini, it is melt in your mouth good and I am not even a big fan of tortellini, usually it's icky and the texture reminds me a lot of ears filled with a shit ton of wax.

Drago Centro's tortellini's are different. They are to die for as a matter a fact. My mother is evil for suggesting that restaurant when I want to be as far away from her as humanly possible and am dying to hold the conversation off for as long as possible. just plain evil. I would like to stay mad at her for as long as possible. To stew in my own juices for a while. "No!" I say curtly. "I don't want to" I fold my arms across my chest.

"Brooke" She says sharply. "We're going!" "It's been a long time since we've had any good mother daughter bonding time. It will be fun. Oh and before we go to lunch, I think we should stop in and give Candy a little talking to." "No!" I say again. "Please don't" I don't want my job back. Not even in the slightest. My mother gives me the stare and I know that when she gives me that stare it is going to be bad. I can not say no to her when she gives me the stare. "Oh all right fine" I say grudgingly. "I'll make reservations right now" She says.

"Super" I say. My mom straightens out my blankets again. "It's going to be okay honey" She says, "You'll see" "It is not!" I say, apparently she has no idea that that is a terrible thing to say right now. So let's see about this, I have Lou Gehrig's Disease, I lost my job, my family pretty much hates each other, my brother's a psycho path, I just found out the real reason of my existence, and my mother is clearly very disappointed in me, but despite all that, it's all good. I guess the whole process of making reservations takes a whole lot shorter then I realize, or maybe Drago Centro's is much faster to take reservations than I remember. My mom is instantly in my room. "We have reservations for 12:00" She tells me. "Maybe it's best that you stay the night" I think if anything I deserve to stay the night, after getting diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's Disease for gods sake. "Fine" I say staring at the blank ceiling. "I'll let Ted know" "Fine" I say again. There is really nothing else to say.

I guess I must have fallen asleep and I must have slept pretty darn well, because the next thing I know my mother knocks at the door and let's herself in, which in my own expert opinion totally defeats the whole purpose of knocking.

"Wake up Brookie's and Cream" She says, using the annoying nickname on me, the nickname she's been using on me since I was six and probably for even longer than that. I groan.

"Really Mom?" I ask. My mother's face is my alarm clock that morning, as she stands right beside my bed.

"C'mon Brookie's and Cream" She says tagging on the super annoying nickname, the one that I never liked. "It's a brand new day, full of so many brand new opportunities" I yawn widely, "Mom it's only" "11:00" She says, "You've gotten your well worth of beauty sleep, no time to waste" She pulls the covers from my bed. 'Wow' I think to myself, 'Have I really slept that late' usually I don't let myself sleep that late.

"Get into your nicest cloths" My mother says throwing me my black dress from Candy herself. "We want to make a good impression on Candy don't we?" She asks. I groan inwardly. I have somehow forgotten that Candy was part of the deal. I have somehow forgotten how much it means to my mother that I got my stupid job back. The glaring light shows through my window.

"Fine!" I say grudgingly, yanking the dress away from her. "My Goodness Brookies and Cream, be careful with that, it's a really nice dress, you don't want it to get a tear. I roll my eyes.

"Be polite to Candy" She says, "In fact be on your best manners. Act like your at a job interview" "For craps sake Mom" I say, "It's not like I'm interviewing with some completely new person, Candy knows me perfectly well. I'm not trying to make an impression on anybody" "Well aren't we cranky?" She asks rhetorically folding her arms tightly across her chest.

"Not to worry" She says, handing me the paper to go cup that has been resting on the top of my dresser. "I went through the liberty of making you a breve" 'Liberty my ass' I think bitterly to myself as I roll over to my side. My mother made me a Breve, every morning before I went to school ever since I developed a taste for coffee, before that it was always steamers. Princessy? Yes maybe a little.

Well okay maybe a lot, but I am my parents little Princess. I put on the fancy black dress she has picked out for me, and she helps me with the little buttons, which I clearly cannot handle by myself with my useless right hand. I guess my mother is sort of accepting my disease, she knows that I am unable to perform day to day tasks like buttoning my dress but on the other hand, she still has ridiculously high expectations for me.

She then takes the hair brush from my night stand and begins running it through my soft blonde hair. It makes me sad, and I can tell it makes her sad as well as I notice her eyes fill with tears. She goes even more over board with the whole thing when she brushes my teeth for me, and apply's all my make up. Realistically however, I can't do any of that stuff myself. What is unrealistic is that she expects me to still be able to model and probably still be able to actively participate in gymnastics and ultimate frisbee and all that, she hasn't come out and said any of that, but I am terrified to ask.

We say nothing in the car, which is fine by me. I suppose Mom must be holding off our big conversation for the restaurant. I take it as an opportunity to listen to Sunday Lane on my Ipod. We pull in front of the agency in what seems like hours.

"C'mon Brooke" My mother says opening the door for me. I do not feel like getting out of the car.

"Brooke sweetie for God's sake, we're here!" "I'm not going to get my job back"

"Just watch me" She says unbuckling my seat belt, making me feel all the more helpless. I roll my eyes.

"C'mon Brooke" She begs, "It's all I can do to make up for last nights little atrocity, which really isn't fair seeing you were just as much a part of it as me, but nevertheless, we're going to get you your job back. I can't possibly tell my mother that I don't want it back. After all here she is going through all the trouble. As we walk into the building I try to make myself as invisible as possible, which is actually very easy for me, considering the amount of weight I've lost due to ALS. The one who I am worried about is my mother, Wendy just has a huge larger then life presence to her. When Wendy Shy enters a room, it is never something to go unnoticed. Thankfully the girls are too busy with a photo shot to notice us. Thank God! Unfortunately our invisibility does not last. As my mother calls attention to herself.

"Is Candice Collette Here?" She asks, "Can I please speak with a Candice Collette?" I am so embarrassed, I stand behind my mother making my self look all the more invisible. Girls are staring, hopefully they do not see me, and if they do they will not associate me with Wendy.

"Candy's in her office" One of the girls says. My mother suddenly gets the sense of being followed. "Brooke sweetie" She says,

"Stop trudging behind me, that is not the way you're supposed to walk with people" I'd never heard that as a rule, but let me tell you something now I have gotten the girls full attention. If they hadn't known I was here before, they sure as hell know it now.

"Thanks a lot Mom" I moan under my breath. "For crying out loud Brooke" She says. "And get that pouty look off your face. Smile" She can't seriously expect me to smile can she? There is nothing in the wold, I feel less like doing than smiling. I give the best fake smile that I can give. "That's my girl" My mom says petting me on the head like some kind of animal. We make our way up to Candy's Office. Wendy pounds very hard on the door. "C'mon in" Candy says. She is doing some paper work, and I can tell that she is pretty darn busy.

"Hello Candice Collette" My mother says. "I'm Brooke's mother Wendy Shy" She holds out her hand. Candy shakes it reluctantly. "Please call me Candy" She says. I can tell she is intimidated. I stand beside my mother staring helplessly at the ground. "What's this I hear about you firing my daughter?" Candy begins licking an envelope and sealing it tight. "Let's look as this as more letting her go" She says, "She couldn't do any of the work, her balance was off, her gait was unsteady, she was breaking a lot of things" "Would it make any difference if I told you my daughter has a serious medical condition?" My mom asks.

"No, I uh didn't know" Candy says, "She did give us all quite a scare when she was helicoptered to the emergency room" "She has Lou Gehrig's Disease" My mom says as if it's the most obvious thing ever. "Oh good heavens" Candy says, "Brooke I'm so sorry" My mother folds her arms across her chest looking very smug.

"Now who's sorry about firing my daughters ass?" "I really am sorry Wendy" Candy says, "But if she can't do the work, then it's best we let her go" "Brooke's been modeling since she was in middle school" My mother tells her. "You can't fire her, as a matter a fact you did not fire her, nor did you let her go? Do you know why?" Candy stares blankly at us blinking her eyes. "It's because she quits god damnit, she fucking quits" "Huh?" I ask, it really takes me by surprise seeing I have had no intention of quitting.

"You see, Brooke does not get fired. Nobody fires my daughter. If anything doesn't work out for her, then she should be the one to decide not you. My mouth opens but it is too dry for any words to come out. I have always thought that my mother hated quitting. I suppose she hates being fired even more though.

"There are some part time model jobs" Candy suggests, "These jobs are way less strenuous, there are also back up jobs, maybe she could fill in for another model" "My daughter will do no such thing. Please give her, her old job back. Modeling means the world to my daughter" That is news to me. "You can make accommodations for her can't you?" Candy opens her mouth.

"Brooke sweetie" She says, "Why don't you wait outside, I think it's going to get a bit ugly now" "Fine okay" I say as I clumsily shift my feet into the hallway. Now I know the girls are whispering. "Brooke oh my god" The Black/Asian/Costa Rican girl says, I think her name is China, that sounds like it can go either way.

"You're okay! Are you all right?" "No" I say shaking my head. "No?" Another model asks me. "Oh my god what happened?" Another asks. Before I can answer any of the questions, my mother steps back out of the office. "You got your job back" She tells me. "You will start again on the 2nd of January, isn't that great news" I give her a sad smile, but a smile never the less. "The best" I say. "Let's go out and celebrate" She says, even though we were planing on going for italian food no matter what. "Sure" I say apathetically.

"Thanks Mom!" She says bitterly as we pull up at Drago Centro. It's so annoying and pathetic when my mother does that. Not that I don't have a terrible habit myself of blurting out "Your forgiven" when no one apologizes right away. I do not even feel thankful, not in the slightest bit. I did not even want that job back in the first place. I don't even want to know how she got it back for me, all I know is she's very persuasive.

In middle school, Brandy really wanted to switch teams, I guess she thought the kids on the other team would treat her better then all the horrible bullies on her team. My mother went and talked to the schools administrator and it was all decided, Brandy had a brand new scheduel, it was one of the only times in the history of ever that she actually went to bat for Brandy, and I suppose after Brandy's response I can see why she's never done her any favors since. Right now I feel like Brandy, I really wish I had the ability to be up front about it like my sister, but I have always been a nicer and much less brave person then Brandy, besides Brandy was only 13 then and didn't know better. I am 25 years old and I do know better. I hold my tongue. Lunch already is pretty much a disaster when we start taking our orders. "We'll get two of the tortellini's with marinara sauce" My mother says.

"Anything to drink?" The waitress asks. "I'll get a glass of Bolgheri Rosso Le Macchiole" I say, placing down the drink menu. "Brooke sweetie" My mom says leaning in. "Do you really think that's a good idea"

"Sure!" I say, "It's 5:00 somewhere in the world right now isn't it?" My mom rolls her eyes. "I meant with your you know what."

I don't see why she doesn't just come out and say Lou Gehrig's disease. She's probably trying to protect one of us's dignity, although right now I'm not really sure who's dignity she's trying to protect. I've already lost all of my dignity today when we went to speak with Candy. Most likely her own, although she had no problem saying it out loud to candy. She is so arbitrary when she wants to be.

"Do you really think you should have alcohol with your condition?" She asks. "Is there any reason why I shouldn't?" I ask. "Alcohol is very bad for your ballance and your ahem, condition is already affecting your ballance." "Oh I see" I say, "Alcohol is very brain damaging and I'm already brain damaged enough"

"That's not what I said" My mother says sharply. "For heavens sake Brooke, stop putting words into my mouth." It takes me by surprise to see that the waitress is still there, and that the conversation hasn't seemed to even register to her. "What can I get for you ma'am?" She asks my mother. "We'll both get water" She says. "My daughter doesn't do alcohol"

Unfortunately when the food arrives I can no longer contain myself. "I don't want my stupid job back!" I say, stirring the perfectly sauced tortellini with the perfect amount of marninera, sprinkled delicately with parmesan cheese around with my fork totally mutilating it's beautiful presentation. My mothers eyes widen as she sets down her fork, I get the feeling she was ready to throw that thing, but we are at a fancy restaurant after all. "What did you just say?" She asks, the tone of her voice is very bitter. "Well you heard me" I say evenly, continuing to stir my food around the plate. "I did hear you" My mother says,

"But just to make sure, could you repeat that?" I drop my fork. "I said I don't want my stupid job back" I mumble to the floor. "Can't hear you" My mother says dramatically putting her hand to her ear. "You need to speak up and for gods sake, look at me when you're talking" I place my hands to my chin.

"Elbows" She says. Sharply. I realize that she is a matter a fact right, I do have my elbows on the table. I place my hands in my lap. "I said" I say looking her right in the eye. "I don't want my stupid job back" "Well" My mother says, "I just worked my ass off getting it back for you, I don't think you realize how hard it was for me, how much coaxing I had to do. Is this what I get back? You can be so ungrateful sometimes Brooke Veronica" "Well I'm sorry" I say. What else do you want me to thank you for? Do you want me to thank you for giving birth to me?"

"My God Brooke" She says putting her hands to her temples, "Please don't do this" "Because I sure as hell am not going to thank you for that, as a matter a fact. You shouldn't have given birth to me" "Oh my god Brooke" My mother says again. "Enough with all the dramatics. You don't mean it. You're just sad" "Yeah" I say huffily. "I am sad. As you admitted yourself last night I'm Brock 2.0, are you planning on disowning me too?" I didn't mean to say it, it totally just slipped out. My mothers hand meets my face. I can not believe it. She slapped me the same way she had my brother. "Don't you ever speak to me like that" She says. Apparently she doesn't want to hear about Brock, even though that was the whole reason for our little luncheon. "Why don't you walk yourself home, it's not too far" "That's a little abusive don't you think?" I ask. "The way you just talked to me was abusive." My mother shoots back. "I'm sorry mom" I say. Once again I feel like crying but can't. "I'm sorry too sweetie" She says. We finish our lunch in complete silence.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Ted

Brooke makes no noise when she comes in, I swear I didn't even hear the door, so it kind of surprises me, when she walks or rather limps into the kitchen.

"Brooke hey" I say, "I, I didn't hear you come in, how was lunch with your mom?" I'm sure it sucked and everything, but I can't help asking. She looks very disturbed.

"Sweetie what happened?" I ask Brooke doesn't say anything.

"What's wrong babe?" I ask. Her eyes are full of emptiness, but I'm sure she is feeling just traumatized inside, I can tell by the way her whole body is shaking and beads of sweat are falling from her forehead. It is the day of our honeymoon all over again

"Are you all right?" I ask her. She places her hands to her temples.

"Brooke what's the matter with you?" I ask. "I need to sit down" She says. Her skin is so pale I can practically see her dark blue veins. What the hell has happened to her? I ask myself in complete panic. Why does she look like this.

"What's wrong?" I ask her a second time. "I need to sit down" She says again. She then folds right into my arms, no warning whatsoever.

"Brooke!" I shout.

"BROOKE!" As I pull her away from my body I can see that, she is not officially passed out, her eyes are still open, they are staring off to the distance and clearly not at me.

"Speak to me baby" I say jostling her. Brooke does not utter a single word. I realize then and there what I have to do. I have to call 911. Again! Wasn't it just yesterday that she was getting out of the hospital? Chills rush up and down my spine when I realize that her hospital visits are going to become almost a daily routine in our lives. I very gently sit her down on one of the kitchen chairs. I grab my phone when the ultimate stupidity of all stupidities happens. I forget the number for 911. I know I'm not stupid, I know I am just having a ginormous panic attack, yet I feel like the biggest idiot in the world.

Everyone knows the number they're supposed to dial for 911 god damnit, it says so in the number itself. There was a gag on some kids show, maybe Kids Say The Darndest Things, or maybe the 90's remake of The Little Rascals. Hell maybe it was both of those where a kid asked what the number for 911 was, I'm sure it was supposed to be just darling like everything else in that gaytarded excuse for a movie. It wasn't it was just plain stupid, and it sure as hell isn't darling now. It's just idiotic and embarrassing and not to mention very panic inducing. I keep reminding myself over and over again that I am not stupid but for some reason the panic that is seeping through my body has turned me into a giant knuckle head. It is like my brain has shut off.

Maybe I need to have a doctor look at me as well. I'm not sure if I'd say my memory has been restored, but automatically my fingers begin punching in the numbers 911. A paramedic answers right away, but I am so panicked I can not answer, so panicked I can't even say hello. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Brooke slump over her chair and fall to the floor. I think she has officially passed out now.

"BROOKE!" I yell loudly. I begin nudging her. She makes no response.

"BROOKE!" I shout a second time. I place my ear next to her chest, sure enough she is not breathing, nor is her heart beating.

"Hello" The paramedic says into the receiver.

"So sorry" I apologize (Snuh)

"my uh girl friend um needs you" I feel like a complete idiot for calling her my girlfriend. What the fuck was I thinking? Why did I say that if I know for a fact that she is my wife? We have been married for two months for God's sake.

"I mean not my girlfriend" I say

"What was I thinking? She's my wife. We just got married in November"

"We're on our way" He says,

"Hang in there" "Are you all right can you hear me" I ask her, the way I had learned on the resuscitation dummy back in 9th grade. And speaking of dummy's, I feel like a huge dummy for not remembering the next step to CPR.

First I forgot to number to 911, then I forgot all of the other steps to CPR, and not to mention the fact that I forgot that she was my wife. I had called her my girl friend. Maybe subconciously I said she was my girl friend because the possibility of her being my wife was as frightening as shit. If only she were someone else's problem. If only I didn't have to be the one to take care of her. I'll tell you one thing, If this pattern continues then I guess I'm already gearing up to be one hell of a shitty care taker.

Maybe she'll have to live in a nursing home or in a hospice. I just can't let my self think such terrible things. She's so young and beautiful, only icky old people go into hospice and nursing homes, like both my great grandparents did right before they died. I push the thought as far as possible from my head. Now all I can think about is the paramedics. Why haven't they arrived yet, what else could they possibly be busy with? I know it's selfish and that that Brooke and I aren't the only people in the world, but just the same, the paramedics can not get here soon enough. I continue jostling Brooke.

She is unconscious and everything, but she's never been more beautiful as she is lying on the floor with her fancy braided bun, that appears to be too tight. Wendy has always been an excellent hair stylists, Brooke had the most beautiful/ fancy hair styles of anyone at the prom, home coming or other high school events. I suddenly get so preoccupied in thought, that when there is a knock on the door it is shocking. "Who's here?" I ask my voice shaking. A group of maybe four official looking men and two official looking women enter the door. "It's okay" one of the men says, apparently sensing my discomfort

"It's just us, the paramedics" Once again I feel utterly stupid about forgetting that I had just called them, even though they had been literally all I could think about for the past couple of hours or minutes or whatever amount of time went by. I'm totally freaking out.

I can't honestly believe how many times today I have managed to make myself seem like the biggest idiot in the world. I never let myself get this out of control, well okay maybe I do, maybe that is why Brooke and I are no longer a good match. I think for maybe the 80 billionth time. What have I gotten myself into?

One of the paramedics literally peels her eyelid open and shines the light in. I think it's an invasion of personal space but I do not say anything. "What you got?" a second paramedic asks.

"Nothing" The first paramedic says, "There was nothing there, just a blank stare" "Hey" I say, "What's going on?" They completely ignore me.

"What's wrong with her?" I cry. Once again they go on ignoring me, they place her on a stretcher and carry outside to the ambulance" "I'm coming with you" I say. "Hop on in"

Once again there is a huge gap in my memory, like many of times I completely spaced out all that happened before Brooke was rushed to the hospital, I have no memory of what happened whilst riding in the ambulance. Now I am in the waiting room, like so many of times before. The doctor who I assume is Brooke's sits down next to me. "What's going on what happened?" I ask.

"Something I've actually never seen on the job, but have heard about in very few instances." I scoot closer to him. "Her body went into shock" He tells me, "You've never seen someone go into shock?" I ask, "Isn't that like one of the most common medical emergencies out there." "Maybe so" He says, "But not the kind of shock your wife has just experienced." "She has Lou Gehrig's Disease" I tell him, "Is that not a symptom" "We were able to get her talking once she was conscious, it sounds like she's had quite a lot to deal with. Anyone would go into emotional shock about that, but in the case of your wife, that emotional shock became physical shock."

"Does this have anything to do with her Lou Gehrig's Disease?" I ask, "It can happen with any person with a compramised immune system" He says, "As I said," It's very rare." It sounds almost plausible, but on the other hand I don't really know too much about medicine. "Can I see her?" I ask. "The nurse gave her a sedative, she's going to


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: Brooke **

I awaken in the hospital bed once again, story of my life. I am in a complete state of panic. Last thing I remember was telling Ted I needed to sit down and then collapsing in his arms. The nurse let's herself in.

"My god how are you feeling?" She asks.

"What happened?" I ask.

"Your body went into shock" She tells me,

"We hooked you up to some vasopressors"

"Shock?" I ask. I know am in emotional shock and why shouldn't I be with everything that's happened in the last several hours? But physical shock, I didn't even know that's a symptom to ALS.

"Thank goodness you were wearing that medical bracelet that said you have Lou Gehrig's Disease."

I had forgotten all about the stupid medical bracelet I was given by the neurologist. I'll admit, I was a little bit confused at first about the neurologist giving me such nice jewelry or any jewelry at all for that matter. What was even more confusing was when he told me I had to wear it at all times in case of a medical emergency. The thing is, I never really got a look at that thing super closely until just now, and I realize that it's kind of stupid really. All it is, is a bracelet with a silver tag imprinted with my name on the front and with the name of my disease on the back. It's pretty okay really embarrassing going around wearing the bracelet, and it makes me feel like I am being labeled and judged. On the other hand however, people aren't going to know I have Lou Gehrig's Disease from just looking at me, not that they would pay super close to the bracelet either for that matter. But all of a sudden I am really self conscious about it.

"So what does going into shock have to do with Lou Gehrig's Disease?" I ask,

"Not much" The doctor says, "I do have a theory about what may have happened to you, I'd like for you to answer some questions, can you do that for me?"

"Sure" I say staring down at my bed covers.

"When were you diagnosed with the disease?" He asks

"Just yesterday, or no wait Christmas eve" He begins jotting a couple notes down.

"Well that must have been pretty upsetting for you"

"It should have been" I say, "But I just felt so numb, I didn't cry, I didn't get angry, I wasn't even scared, just nothing"

"Sounds like a text book case of shock" The doctor says, and just like that there's that word again shock. "The holiday seasons can always be quite stressful" He says,

"Did anything happen over the holidays you want to tell me about?" "I pretty much found out that I'm the replacement of my much older brother who my parents absolutely hate and disowned" Chills rush down my spine.

"That sounds painful" He says,

"How did you feel then?" He asks. "The same way I felt after getting diagnosed with ALS. I felt numb. I didn't shed a single tear" He jots down some more notes

"Anything else? Any other huge life changes" "I lost my job" I say, "And I suppose I got married" There is a long pause, as I try to piece things together. "To a guy I haven't seen since senior year of college." He nods slowly, "And just earlier today I got in a fight with my mom, and it got a little bit physical"

He shakes his head thoughtfully. "What happened to you is that you were going through so much stressful moments that sound like they would be way too much for anybody to handle, that your body just couldn't handle it. To answer you're question it does have a lot to do with you're Lou Gehrig's Disease in a very round about way, but on the other hand not all that round about at all. The reason why your body couldn't handle all that stress was because your immune system is weakened from the disease" I can feel my eyes go wide. I suddenly start breathing really fast. Short fast breaths. Hyperventilating

"Are you all right?" The doctor asks. I shake my head. "Can I get you a paper bag?" He asks.

"Please" I tell him. He hands one to me. I'll tell you breathing into a paper bag does not do the trick the way it does on TV.

"We're going to give you something for sleep" The doctor says, he then pages his nurse who shows her face instantly.

"I'd like you to take these" she says placing two pink pills in my hand. Valium again, I already recognize it from the last time I was given sedatives.

"Go ahead" The nurse coaxes me. I pop them into my mouth and let the nurse hold the cup of water to my mouth as I take large gulps, I somehow did not realize how thirsty I was.

"Atta girl" She says. "It will start working in 20 minutes" She says which I already know from my last hospital visit which was only two days ago. I realize that once again I want it to work the moment I take it. But it's not going to. "Here's another vassopressor as well" The doctor says handing me a small white capsule,

"It's supposed to help with shock" I pop it into my mouth and swallow it without even taking a drink any water. "Brooke what's the name of your neurologist?" The doctor asks me.

"Tim Taylor" I say tentatively. Tim's not a bad guy or anything, I'm just really not in the mood to see him again even though I know I will probably be seeing a lot more of him in the future. "I'm going to page him and see if he can come by and check on you tomorrow" "Great" I say staring at my pillow. He goes out in the hall for a while. A very short while. "Brooke" He says, "Tim will have a look at you tomorrow morning, now let's get some good rest. I shake your head.

"I'm not sleepy" I say in a weak somewhat childish voice.

"Oh you will be" He says giving my shoulder a quick squeeze. I count sheep for a while until they become rolls of toilet paper, that's when I know for sure the drug is taking affect.

Next thing I know I am asleep and dreaming. We are at the house of some random friends of Mac and Kelly, I think their names are Jimmy and Paula we met one time in real life very briefly, but you know dreams! I've had weirder. I have of course never been inside their house, but what my subconscious has made up is beyond creepy. They live in a one story house, with uncomfortable dark red walls, their living room is complete with creepy statues and sculptures, and stuffed animals (As in taxidermy not as in teddy bears all though they do have a couple of those that I know for a fact are stuffed with frozen corn kernels, how I know that? Well dreams) When Brandy and I were little we used to have these hideous kitty purses and when I dreamed about them every time I opened them I found frozen corn kernels in the zipper compartment which is probably why I know that's what the bears are filled with. There house is very cold. We are in the living room chatting about old times, because apparently in this dream we are very good friends. I suddenly realize a very strange sensation in my nasal cavity it feels very full and I don't mean in the typical stuffed up nose sort of way. I hold tightly under it to prevent it from dripping and do not take my hand off. Jimmy takes a quick minute to notice.

"Brooke You okay? You bleeding?" He asks.

"Here sweetie let me get you a kleenex" Paula offers. I feel something very chunky fall out my nose.

"Please hurry" I moan. The chunky stuff from my nose slips through my fingers, I can tell right away that this is not a typical nose bleed, not even in the slightest, nor is it a typical symptom to ALS unless of course it is.

"Here you are" Paula says handing me a box of kleenex. I remove my finger to see that what is coming out of my nose is not red but bright purple like purple cabbage maybe. I suddenly learn that it is purple cabbage, as a matter a fact it is purple coleslaw. It keeps rushing out of my nose and it feels like I am vomiting

"Oh my god you're coleslawing you okay?" Paula announces, I didn't even know coleslaw was a verb.

"I know what to do!" She says all of a sudden. She hands me a tissue and asks me to hold my head back.

"Ted will you get me a can of beer or soda or something?" Ted rushes into the kitchen.

"You want to hold your head back and hold your nose" Paula instructs, as if she's seen people "Coleslaw" on a daily basis, maybe she has. She sure seems to know a lot about it. Ted returns from the kitchen in a snap with a huge can of red bull, I really hope Paula doesn't expect me to drink that, I hope that's not where she's going with it. "Hold this behind your head" She instructs. I do as I am told.

"Atta girl" Paula says, I suddenly become very nauseated. "P'Paula?" I stammer. "What's wrong?" Paula asks. I quickly remove the red bull which has for some odd reason transformed into a huge can of guinness. I then let out a loud truck drivers belch the same way I did at our wedding when I choked on the cake.

"Uh oh" Paula says, "Uh oh! Jimmy get her a bucket, I think she's going to blow" Paula is such a fourth grader using terms like that. I remember all the cool kids using that as Euphemism for throwing up, so Paula is really out dated.

It is too late, I start throwing up before Jimmy places the bucket in front of me. Instead of throwing up purple coleslaw the way I had expected, I am throwing up bright sparkly neon purple slime. The kind that used to be so cool back in the 90's. It pours out of me like lava. Jimmy places the bucket in front of me.

"Oh my god she's stroking out" He announces, and I suddenly feel the left side of my mouth droop. Out of the corner of my eye I see Ted pulling out his Iphone, which seconds later becomes just a flip phone cell phone, which changes into a calculator and then for some odd reason into one of those pre packed pickles you can find at the gas station. He appears really panicked. "911!" He cries, "What's the number?"

Paula gives him a number that is not 911 which is not as much of a number as it is an ultra complicated algebraic equation.

"What was that?" Ted asks again.

"Banana bread" Paula says. "Dial the number banana bread" "Right" Ted says. I guess it makes perfect sense to him. Ever get the feeling that dreams make more sense to the other people in the dream then to the actual dreamer themselves. I sure as hell get that feeling and it couldn't be more clear then it is right now. Ted begins dialing the number for banana bread on his phone which is now not a pickle but a giant frog the size of a fetal pig. Why I am am so in tune with all of this, and how I'm able to see what's going on outside of the slime hitting the bucket is completely beyond me. I keep vomiting until I literally vomit my stomach. That's right, a big dark sparkly pink kidney shaped organ jumps up my throat, out of my mouth and into the bucket. I scream loudly as tears of agony roll down my cheeks. "Gross you okay?" Paula says I am unable to answer and all I can do is keep crying "Don't worry" Ted says, "Helps on the way"

The next thing I know someone is jostling me. I slowly open my eyes. "Good morning" The nurse on call says to me. "Dr. Taylor is here to see you" "Great" I moan. I stare at my clock, it reads 10:27 AM, I've been asleep for a really long time it turns out, which I suppose makes sense, because the dream did seem to go on for quite a while. Tim let's himself in. "Hey Brooke" He says holding out his hand. "How are you feeling, I heard you had quite the incident yesterday afternoon" It was only the afternoon when I got admitted? So basically I slept more then half an entire day away. No wonder my head feels even foggier then usual, I have heard that, that amount of sleep can really mess with a persons head, but I suppose the valium hasn't quite warn off either. "10:25 AM?" I ask staring at the clock, "Was I really asleep that long?" Tim nods

"You were pretty agitated so the nurses put you into a bit of a medically induced coma, it may take a while for the drugs to ware off. How are you feeling? You feeling okay?" I yawn widely. "Not so good" I say. "I was actually going to call you in for another appointment some time after the holiday season and have you come into my office, but since you're here let's just get the checkup over with in this room why don't we?" "Do we have to?" I moan. I am so exhausted right now, that the possibility of even getting out of the bed seems just horrendous. Tim gives me a small smile. "Would you rather wait until the medications wear off? He asks. "Yes" I say, "Kind of yes" Tim smiles smugly

"Which is it?" He asks, "Kind of or yes?"

"Yes" I say

"All right" He says, "I'll see you back in my office tomorrow at the same time"

"Okay" I say. "I'll tell the nurses and your husband you're ready to go" He says.

"Has he been here the whole time?" I ask, I feel really terrible about that. "Not the whole time" Tim said.

"He knew you were going to spend the night so he sent you an overnight bag, Other then that though he's been in the waiting room this entire time" "Really?" I ask blinking a couple of times. "He didn't go anywhere as far as I'm concerned" Tim says.

"I'll page your nurse right now"

"Thanks" I say staring off into space. The nurse shows her face very quickly, apparently she doesn't have any other patients for the day. She helps me into a new pair of cloths that Ted packed in my night bag, my nice cheetah skin patterned long sleeve button down top, and my super skinny black stretch pants which I assume are a couple sizes too big for me now, that I lost all the weight. I then let her help me into a wheelchair as she places my night bag on my lap" Just as I have expected, Ted is waiting for us. "Brooke oh my god. Are you all right?" He says throwing his arms around me. He kisses me and helps me out of my wheelchair. "She may be a little weak" The doctor reminds him. "I'm fine" I say. Ted scoops me up in his arms, the same way he's been doing lately. I swear, he's going to need to get me one of these chairs sooner or later, he can't go on carrying me everywhere. He sets me down on the bench outside. "Ted what's going on?" I ask. "I need to make a phone call" He says and hurries towards the building.

"Ted wait" I call after him,

"Stay out here" He tells me,

"It might take a while"

"Who are you calling?" I call after him, apparently he doesn't call me, and I guess who ever he is calling, he doesn't think he can say it in front of me?

"Ted?" I call after him again, he turns around,

"I left my cell phone at home" He says.

"Oh okay" I say. I listlessly sit on the bench staring blankly at nothing. An official looking young man maybe in his early 20's walks towards me.

"Brooke is that you?" He asks.

"Huh?" I ask.

"It's me Gary." He says. I try to rack my brain, but I honestly can't think of a single person I know named Gary. "Gary?" I ask. "You probably don't remember me" He says,

"But your boyfriend and his friends used give me shit back in the day. They called me Assjuice. You were always pretty okay though, you were always pretty quiet"

I now very briefly remember the guy, I really only briefly knew him for that matter. He was always pretty quiet as well, I do however remember exactly what he looked like, I guess I have a good memory for people's appearances. But when I look up and down at him, I discover that I wouldn't have recognized him in a million years. He has grown up a lot a shit ton, the scrawny freshman has filled out quite a lot, his face is no longer covered with acne and the baby fat on his face has disappeared. He is also I swear at least two inches taller. He is almost handsome in the most adorkable way ever. He's also done something different with his hair, it is gelled and slicked back.

"You okay?" He suddenly asks me over dramatically I might add (Overly excited.)

"What?" I ask. "Well you're at the hospital" He says and I can already tell that he is embarrassed as hell, his cheeks are bright red and he is ringing his hands a lot, apparently he is still socially inept as ever, but somethings never change. "I'm sorry" He says scratching the back of his head.

"Stupid question. It's my first day in EMT training, I guess I get kind of stupid when I'm nervous."

"Congratulations" I say wistfully.

"I guess I'm here an hour early" he says. He sits down next to me, and does something fairly surprising, he grabs on to my medical bracelet. "You're Lou Gehrig's Disease?" He asks, he clears his throat, "Er I mean, you have Lou Gehrig's Disease?" I pull away, "Oh my god Ass I mean Gary, don't do that" "I'm sorry" He says again. "I uh couldn't help myself, I just noticed a medical bracelet and I just got curious and a little bit excited" Poor excuse on so many levels, there really isn't ever a good excuse to just go and grab a woman's jewelry without any warning whatsoever, but I guess what can you expect from a person who used to go by Assjuice? How socially adept should he be? After all behind this new Gary persona, he is still Assjuice at heart. "It's something we learned about in CPR certification" He says scratching the back of his head. "To uh check people's jewelry. How long have you been so sick?" "Hey easy there 20 questions" I say sounding bitchier and more sarcastic than I have intended. "I'm sorry" He says again. I am dying for Ted to finish his phone call and get me the hell away from this insanity. "So you're married to Teddy now?" He asks. I guess it did say my last name was Sanders on the bracelet. "Easy 20 questions" I say again. "Oh kay, I get it" He says "You don't want to talk to me" "I'm sorry" I say, "I didn't mean it like that" "No I get it" He says. "I should probably get going" "Gary wait"

"I'm sorry Ted didn't invite you to our wedding, it was pretty last minute and it was only family and closest friends. "Hey, it's okay" He says, "I've kind of been trying to forget about my college days, and Teddy was never actually my friend" I nod wondering where the hell Ted is and who the hell he is talking to. "And you?" He asks, "You never said boo to me, not ever. So basically no! I was not expecting any kind of wedding invitations. I didn't get any invitations to Garf's wedding, or Scoonies wedding, or Whitney's wedding and to be honest if I ever get married you two probably won't be invited either. And that's how it is" That somehow brings tears to my eyes. "I gotta go" He says. "Good luck with everything" I bite down on my lip because I really feel like fucking crying.


End file.
